Duality
by wolfygirl13
Summary: Okay, the first chapter looks like a songfic BUT THIS ISN'T A SONGFIC! THAT'S JUST THE INTRO! Got it? Good. Okay, this is a SesshTaishoYashacentric, short chapters mostly. Mostly focuses on Sessh's feelings but does go to others occasionally. First chapte
1. Darre,, Duality, Slipknot

A/N: Not a songfic; the first chapter is just written this way because it explains the reason I chose this title for the story. Got it? Good. Next chapter acutally starts the story. (This is mostly sort of just a long author's note, in other words.)

Lemme explain myself: Duality means "the quality of having two usually contradictory parts or opinions." So it's sort of like an inner conflict thing, the way I'm doing it anywho, which is why this is the intro. You can skip if you want, it's just the lyrics, but for anyone who hasn't heard the song or doesn't know the words, I suggest reading. Not necessary to the story.

Disclaimer: No Inu characters in this story yet, but I don't own Slipknot's song, so I guess I still have to put up a disclaimer.

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Intro-Duality (Slipknot)

I push my fingers into my eyes...

It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache

But it's made of all the things I have to take

Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside

If the pain goes on...

I have screamed until my veins collapsed

I've waited as my time's elasped

Now all I do is live with so much fate

I've wished for this, I've bitched at that

I've left behind this little fact

You cannot kill what you did not create

I've gotta say what I've gotta say

And than I swear I'll go away

But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise

I guess I'll save the bset for last

My future seems like one big past

You're left with me 'cause you've left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes...

It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache

But it's made of all the things I have to take

Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside

If the pain goes on...I'm not gonna make it

Put me back together

Or separate the skin from bone

Leave me all the pieces

And then you can leave me alone

Tell me the reality is better than the dream

But I've found out the hard way

Nothing is what it seems

I push my fingers into my eyes...

It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache

But it's made of all the things I have to take

Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside

If the pain goes on...I'm not gonna make it

All I've got...all I've got is insane

I push my fingers into my eyes...

It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache

But it's made of all the things I have to take

Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside

If the pain goes on...I'm not gonna make it

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Ok, no reviews necessary for this chappie...just go on to the next chapter. THIS IS NOT A SONGFIC! I REPEAT, IT'S NOT A SONGFIC! Although I do use song titles and quotes, I don't write it in what is fondly known as "song-prose". So don't get huffy about this! I promise it's not all like this! Ok? Good! Next!


	2. Prolog,, Question, System of A Down

A/N: Told you it wasn't a songfic! Okay, so I'm using song titles as chapter titles, and putting in quotes. But it isn't a songfic.

K, lemme explain- .../-/-/-/memory; ...+-+-+-+past, not a memory; .../-/-+memory and past; ...#(character)special pov

"speaking" _thinking _

Chapters are generally short so far (i'm up to about twenty really but I'm not posting them all at once...gotta keep you in suspense, after all!

Disclaimer: Don't own Inu characters, except for a couple I'll bring in later (you'll see!) 

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Prologue: Question (System of A Down)

**Do we, do we know-when we fly...when we, when we go-do we die?**

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/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

"Sesshoumaru...isn't there anything that you would protect?" InuTaisho asked softly, his breath bated.

"Something to _protect_?" Sesshoumaru practically spat. "No, there is _nothing_ that I, Sesshoumaru, wish to _protect_."

InuTaisho had known, had felt all along that this would be his answer...and it almost tore him in two. He wished he could do something to change the boy's mind, but time was already running out for his mate and newborn child...and he left.

"Father...there is nothing that I, Sesshoumaru, wish to protect," the young demon repeated to himself, reasserting his statement. He turned and walked away from the bluff of the hill, not knowing that this would be the last time he saw his father alive.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

Sesshoumaru blinked a few times as he focused on reality once more, but the mists of cloudy memories still tugged at him. He allowed his thoughts to stray here and there, not expecting the sudden question that came to his mind.

_Why did Father ask that, of all questions? Whatever compelled him to ask such a thing?_

As Sesshoumaru pondered idly over this newly-discovered mystery, his gaze fell on the crescent moon, and his golden eyes reflected the pale light and shone silver in the darkness. The four stripes and crescent emblem on his face were shaded by the nighttime, appearing black in the darker setting. His long silvery hair gleamed in an almost ghostly way, and his pale, expressionless face only added to the phantasmal effect. He sat there thoughtfully, looking up at the sky as if awaiting an answer, though he seemed almost unsure what the real question was.

_What did he really mean by that?_

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So, what'd you think? I know, really short, but I'll be posting the first few chapters rather quickly. After that I'll slow down. Hopefully this turns out well, because I've spent some time on this entire story (I have about twenty-ish chapters so far, give or take). Please read and review, anything welcome (including flames, yes). Thanks for reading!


	3. Eins,, Beginning of All Things to End

A/N: First, I would like to address an issue that somebody had mentioned previously. Said issue being the usage of song lyrics in my intro. Allow me to point out where said person was most definitely WRONG. Points in case: 1) Song lyrics are in public domain, and are therefore allowed within the context of a story. 2) I posted a disclaimer, in case somebody didn't notice, and therefore I have waivered any and all consequences of using copyrighted material.I have given credit where credit is due, and that is all that is required of me. 3) Not really a point, but more of a question: Do you criticize everyone who uses lyrics? I can think of better ways to waste my time. Like lowering myself to reply to you, for example. Sorry, but you should read more often. 4) For that matter, perhaps if it's against the law to use lyrics, then go tell the karaoke bars and night-clubs that they're going to get sued, then find lawyer willing to take your case. 5) On second thought, find everyone in the United States who sings along with songs, rewrites lyrics, or even uses catch-phrases from famous songs. Sue everybody, huh?

Please, people, if you're going to flame, or hate, or whatever you call...THAT...at least do your research first. Don't quit your day job, dude. Go back to posting simple and general comments, like perhaps "this sux!" I would appreciate that much more than whatever...well, whatever the hell that was supposed to be.

Sorry everyone, I know that was totally uncalled for. The person I'm referring to probably isn't even reading. If you want to know what I'm talking about, read the reviews. If not, then ignore this mildly-angry, mildly-amused-by-human-stupidity rant and read the story! Thanx!

Oh, for anyone who's wondering about the titles of my chapters-the words "Darre" and "Prolog" are German, meaning "Intro" and "Prologue" respectively. This chapter starts off with "Eins", which means "One" and the next chapter will be "Zwei", which means "Two", etc etc...

Disclaimer: Don't own characters (or songs!).

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

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Chapter 1-The Beginning of All Things to End (MuDvAyNe) --Album--

**Father, please, all I want to be is your son...-Seed**

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**-+-+-+-+-+-+-+**

"Gotcha!" InuTaisho pounced upon the young demon playfully. They had been practicing stealth, and though the boy tried his hardest, his father always found him.

"Dammit, how come you always find me?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"Don't use such language, Sesshoumaru, it's unfit for your status," InuTaisho chided. Sesshoumaru gave him a sideways look, and InuTaisho only smirked-they both knew that Sesshoumaru was rarely the one to swear, and InuTaisho shouldn't be the one to talk about it. InuTaisho smiled even wider as he reached his hand over to ruffle Sesshoumaru's hair.

"Hey, Father, quit that!" Sesshoumaru protested, trying to shield his hair from his father's annoying ministrations-and trying to hide the fact that he was grinning hugely. InuTaisho smirked and kept on tousling the silky strands, and Sesshoumaru gave up on it after a few minutes. The young demon leaned against his father and closed his eyes contentedly, enjoying the relaxing feel of his father's fingers tracing along his scalp. He felt himself getting slightly drowsy, but he didn't much care. There was really no reason that he had to stay awake; the only thing he had to do every day was stick around long enough so that nobody thought he was dead or seriously ill.

"Sesshoumaru-kun, what would you think if you had a baby sibling?" InuTaisho whispered suddenly, softly.

Sesshoumaru stiffened instantly, and his eyes flew open to fix a shocked look on his father's face.

"A baby sibling?" he asked suspiciously. "How, Father? Mother died while giving birth to me. How can you have any other children?"

"Sesshoumaru, you've met Izayoi..."

"A _human_?" Sesshoumaru snarled angrily. "Father, what are you _thinking_! Don't tell me you've taken another mate! And a _human_ at that!"

"Sesshoumaru, you will _not_ disrespect Izayoi like that," InuTaisho warned steadily. "And yes, I have taken her as my mate. I don't see a problem with it."

"You don't see a PROBLEM with it!" Sesshoumaru shrieked, standing back from his father. "Well I see a problem with it! I see a HUGE problem with it! How could you!" he screamed angrily.

"What problem?" InuTaisho raised an eyebrow expectantly, turning towards his son.

"SHE'S A HUMAN!" Sesshoumaru repeated in disbelief. "And..." he stopped, closing his mouth and clenching his jaw as he forced his emotions to stay in the pit of his stomach where they belonged, not in the middle of his throat. "And she's not my mother," he added quietly. "She's not my mother, she's not your wife..."

"Oh, Sesshoumaru-kun, don't be so harsh," InuTaisho soothed. He wrapped one arm about his son's shoulders and drew him closer, and the distraught young demon allowed himself to be pulled into his father's chest.

"But Father...why?" he whispered, trying to understand the emotions that swelled inside of him so quickly that he felt almost ripped apart. "Why?"

"Because...because I love her," InuTaisho said simply. Sesshoumaru looked up at his father slowly, thier golden eyes meeting in an intense gaze.

"Alright, Father...I guess I can't do anything to change your mind," Sesshoumaru sighed wearily. He pushed himself away from the older demon gently and walked off, mumbling that he felt hungry and was going to eat, and then maybe go to sleep, because he was also tired.

"Sesshoumaru-kun...why does it make you tremble so? You never even met your mother..." InuTaisho sighed softly before heavily plopping himself down on the ground, then flopping back and laying on the grass, his arms and legs sprawled out and his hair all over the place. He didn't much care that he looked undignified or childish; he had never been one to waste his private time trying to follow regulations and standards. He stared up at the sky mournfully, wishing he could make his son understand. Of course, Sesshoumaru knew the reason for it-he wasn't by any means stupid. In fact, he was quite the opposite-the child was very intelligent. But he would only understand the words, not the feelings-and what were words? Words did nothing. Words were simply words and nothing more; they could never convey every feeling and thought and emotion that was portrayed in the minds of the people who used the words. No, words were too limited for that. But there was nothing else he could do; there was no way he could force the boy to feel any of the things he felt.

InuTaisho rolled over onto his stomach with a heavy sigh before pushing himself up off the ground. He trudged back to the castle and shuffled inside, his thoughts occupying all of his attention.

It was the first time he had known that Sesshoumaru had any inkling of dislike for the human race-and it bothered him. It really did bother him.

He had this strange feeling that this was the beginning of a rift between himself and his son-the breakdown of things that had been, a turning point in the child's path, the crashing down of what had once been...and all in light of what he himself had chosen...all because of what was going to happen...

It was the beginning of all things to end.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

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So, whaddya think? I know, these chapters are short, and they'll be a little slow in the beginning, but I promise it'll get better! Again, I'm sorry to everyone who actually wasted their time reading my rant (unless of course you're the person I was referring to-then I enjoyed wating your time! muahahahaha...). I highly doubt that said person even read that, but in case they did...well I said everything I needed to say up at the top. I would like to thank all of the great people out there who take the time to read my stories! You're all so wonderful!

Okay, now it's time...you know what's coming...PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! THANKS!


	4. Zwei,, Before I Forget, Slipknot

A/N: YAY! I'm so happy! You're all such great reviewers! I know that the chapters tend to be short in this story, and it does have a sort of movie-ish feel, but please just bear with me! Oh, whatever I base on the movie is really taken form a bunch of summaries, amv's, and secondhand info, as I have yet to see the third movie (sigh). But I think I got pretty close...tell me if I'm wrong! Oh, about the beginning...I know Sessho probably didn't repeat himself really, but I did that just because I wanted to, so I know that already.

kk, here we go-.../-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, Rin, Jaken, Ah-Un, etc etc etc. They are Rumiko Takahashi's creation. However there will be an original character later...hope you like her! Erm, well, in any case...Inu & everyone else have copyrights. Not mine.

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Chapter 2-Before I Forget (Slipknot)

All I ever do is delay...my every attempt to evade the end of the road and my end...

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"Lord Sesshoumaru, I never knew why you fought your brother," Rin said suddenly. The morning had dawned a few hours ago, and they had already set out on their everlasting journey to...somewhere. Rin walked beside Sesshoumaru, looking up at him now with a questioning gaze.

Sesshoumaru hated to ignore Rin, but he didn't want to answer her question. Well, she hadn't actually asked a question, so he didn't feel as bad about it, but still...

Rin took the hint and decided to think about something else. She looked up at Sesshoumaru again for a few seconds before deciding to ask him a much simpler question.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, how do you get your hair to be so shiny and soft?" she asked carefully.

"I take care of it," he replied simply.

"It's so pretty," Rin giggled happily, smiling at the thought.

Such statements need no replies, and so Sesshoumaru did not offer one. Jaken was unsure what he could say, if anything, so he kept his beak shut and kept on walking.

"So, if you're a Lord, and if Inuyasha is your younger brother, that makes him a Prince, right?" Rin asked, unable to keep her mind off the brothers for very long. Somehow she always strayed back to that subject.

"I suppose so," Sesshoumaru answered.

"So how come nobody ever calls him Prince Inuyasha?" Rin asked curiously.

"Because he has never acknowledged his title, and has laid no claim to whatever he might possess as a member of royalty. His rights as a Prince have yet to be instated," Sesshoumaru responded.

"Um...what?" Rin blinked, confused by his choice of words. She knew nothing of the political or economical workings of a simple village, much less the whole of society.

"He is a Prince by blood, but not by power. He never chose to accept the power he could have rightfully demanded," Sesshoumaru simplified.

"Oh," Rin nodded. "But why? He seems to be eager enough for power-does he even know about it?" she asked.

"Probably not."

Rin looked to the side thoughtfully, wondering if Inuyasha would really choose to be a Prince if he knew he could. Then she wondered exactly what Princes and Lords did, and she was about to ask, when she thought better of it-it was likely too complicated for her to understand just yet, and she didn't want to get confused. So, instead, she thought up an easier question, only this time she quit asking Sesshoumaru and turned to Jaken.

"Master Jaken, are you a toad-demon?" she asked seriously.

"GAAHH! No, you foolish child, I'm an imp! How dare you insult me like that! Whatever gave you that idea!"

"Well, you look like a toad," Rin said, unruffled by the imp's screeching.

"I DO NOT!" Jaken protested angrily, waving his staff around and lecturing Rin on the differences between a toad and an imp. He was completely ignored, as usual.

"Hey, Master Jaken, you wanna play a game?" Rin interrupted him after about a minute.

"...and further-huh?" Jaken blinked and sighed. "What game, Rin?" he asked wearily, knowing that he was better off just going along with it from the start, because Sesshoumaru would force him into it anyways.

"How about we all play Janken Janken Pon?" she suggested. "I bet Lord Sesshoumaru is gonna win!" she chirped happily.

Sesshoumaru had to stifle the urge to stare at her in disbelief. Instead, he simply turned and looked at her expectantly, wondering what gave her the idea that he would actually play a game.

Rin saw the look on his face, and since he looked just the tiniest bit confused, she decided to explain.

"Well, Janken Janken Pon is a game where you-"

"I know what it is, Rin," Sesshoumaru sighed lightly.

"Cool! Alright, let's see...Ah-Un probably can't play, because he has paws instead of hands, so that leaves the three of us...I know, we can play a three-for-all!" she declared happily. "Ready?"

Sesshoumaru swore he saw a glint of satisfaction in Jaken's eyes as the imp realized that Sesshoumaru would be dragged along into this game as well..._after all, misery loves company..._

"Janken, Janken, Pon!" Rin cried happily. Jaken and Sesshoumaru begrudgingly indulged her childish whims, and even though they both clearly disliked games, Rin remained oblivious to the fact.

"Alright, Lord Sesshoumaru, you won! You get four steps forward!" Rin cheered with a clap of her hands.

Sesshoumaru sighed heavily and closed his eyes, taking a slow four steps.

This is going to be a very long day...

Ah-Un snorted in mild amusement, watching them play the silly game. Truthfully, the dragon thought it was rather funny that Sesshoumaru was allowing himself to be pulled into the ruse, but it was almost touching at the same time. Of course, even if Ah-Un were to speak, he would have never said his thoughts out loud.

"Janken, Janken, Pon!" Rin said again. She looked at the two demons, then smiled happily. "Wow, Lord Sesshoumaru, you're really good at this! You won again!" she grinned. "I think that's five steps this time."

"How long is this game going to last, child!" Jaken exclaimed.

"Oh, until somebody gets at least fifty steps ahead," Rin said calmly.

"Ugh," Jaken groaned. Sesshoumaru had to stop himself from groaning as well.

"Janken, Janken, Pon!" Rin threw out her hand again, then clapped cheerfully as she took four steps forward.

"Such a bothersome child," Jaken mumbled under his breath. Sesshoumaru shot him a glare, and Jaken shrank back underneath it.

"Janken, Janken, Pon!" Rin said again. This time Jaken and Rin both won, and Rin took five steps while Jaken took four. They continued like this for almost three hours, and finally, Sesshoumaru managed to get fifty-one steps ahead of them. Rin skipped up to him happily, all smiles and giggles as she walked next to him. The group continued thier trek, each one thinking different thoughts.

So young and carefree...Kami, and to think that I used to be that way once...Sesshoumaru thought to himself.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

"What do you have there, Sesshoumaru-kun?" InuTaisho leaned slightly to look over his son's shoulder.

"I'm building a castle," Sesshoumaru replied simply, the look of concentration apparent on his face.

"Oh, a castle now, hmm?" InuTaisho asked, trying to keep a straight face. "And what is the name of your castle, may I ask?"

"Don't know yet, but it's gonna be the coolest, funnest, neatest place in all of Nippon," Sesshoumaru said. "It's gonna have all sorts of candy, and all kinds of games and shows and plays...and then there's gonna be a whole lot of banquets and masquerades and expensive food, and lots of gardens full of decorative flowers for all the girls, because girls like pretty things like that," the young child explained quite matter-of-factly.

"I see," InuTaisho nodded seriously. "It sounds like a grand place."

"But first I have to build it," Sesshoumaru said simply, picking up another small piece of wood. Suddenly, the tiny child looked up sharply, scanning the area keenly before making a statement.

"Father, I won't have enough wood," he said very simply, turning his golden eyes to look up at the demon.

"Hmm, well that could be a problem, now couldn't it?" InuTaisho agreed. "Well, how about I get a few woodcutters and builders out here, and then they can gather the wood and build your castle for you, alright?"

"Okay!" Sesshoumaru agreed eagerly, jumping up quickly. "It's gonna be the best castle ever, just you wait and see! I'm gonna have all kinds of neat stuff in it!" he declared.

"I'm sure you will," InuTaisho chuckled before ruffling his son's hair. "Now how about you go get some lunch while I find those woodcutters, alright?"

"Okay, Father!" Sesshoumaru bounded off happily, going towards the kitchen. InuTaisho giggled almost girlishly as he watched his son-the boy was so intelligent, yet so easily amused-of course, the playful nature was to be expected of a demon that had barely grown past the age of being a toddler.

InuTaisho walked calmly towards his craftmaster's quarters, telling them what his son had decided his new project was going to be. The crafters smirked in amusement, but they dragged out a few planks of wood and took them over to where the young demon had been playing. InuTaisho decided to let Sesshoumaru be in charge of the building project, since it was going to be his 'castle'.

"Oh, cool, now we're getting somewhere!" Sesshoumaru grinned happily as he saw the crafters standing patiently nearby, awaiting his directions. "Alright, I want at least five thousand million rooms, and a hundred thousand kitchens, and two-hundred dining halls..." he began listing off his ideas.

"Easy there, Sesshoumaru-kun," InuTaisho chuckled lightly. "You need to start out simple. Remember, you can only create a fortress once you have enough power to do so. Until then, you'll have to make do," he said.

"Oh," Sesshoumaru looked down thoughtfully, then glanced at the crafters. "Well, how big can I make it right now?" he thought out loud, turning his questioning gaze at his father before looking at the other demons.

"Well, I suppose it would be about as big as, say, our main dining hall," InuTaisho shrugged. "Give or take a few feet, and of course it wouldn't be as tall," he added.

"Hmm..." Sesshoumaru frowned, deep in thought. "Well, okay then-I want two bedrooms-I need one for guests, of course-and a dining hall, and a tea room. Then I'll need at least a gate and an archer's tower; though I'll probably want a swordsman's quarters as well," he said. "That should do for now, I suppose."

"Well, I'll be off now," InuTaisho waved cheerily. "I have business to attend to. Be sure to show me your castle when you are finished," he grinned as he left.

"Alright, you heard the young Prince. Let's build him a fine castle," the head crafter smiled. The others nodded and began working, listening patiently while Sesshoumaru told them just how big he wanted each room to be, and just how high he wanted the gate, and just how tall he wanted the archer's tower...

InuTaisho came back about seven hours later to find that the crafters were done. He looked over to the side, glancing around for his son, and the head crafter smiled and pointed to the door of the young boy's 'castle'. InuTaisho grinned and stepped inside, having to duck slightly because the entrance was a bit too small. He looked around once he was inside, then quickly spotted Sesshoumaru. The pup was curled up in a shadowy corner, his body resting on the fluff that resided on his shoulder while his hair fell about him loosely. His eyes were closed and his breathing was heavy; he was sound asleep. InuTaisho grinned and easily picked up the small child, carrying him out and putting him into his room, on his own bed. He leaned forward and kissed the crescent moon on the small forehead affectionately, then quietly slid the door closed.

Sesshoumaru stirred slightly before opening his eyes halfway, then glanced about to see that he was in his own room. He didn't remember how he had gotten here, but he was too tired to think about it and so drifted back into sleep, allowing his dreams to sweep him away into faraway lands.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

"Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked worriedly for about the sixth time. Sesshoumaru snapped out of his reverie and looked at her for a second, wondering what she had been wanting to say.

"Are you alright, Lord Sesshoumaru? You look different," she said.

"Different?" Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow. He couldn't help but ask what looked different about him.

"Well, you smiled, and it wasn't one of those smiles you use when you're fighting. You looked kind of happy. I thought you might be coming down with a fever or something," Rin said.

"I'm fine," Sesshoumaru told her as he continued walking. _Great, now I make people nervous if I'm happy. That's just wwwoooonnnnnddddeeeeerrrrfffffuuuuullllll. Do I really look that unhappy all the time?_

They all continued traveling until nightfall, stopping to camp for the night. Sesshoumaru looked up at the moon, thinking about what Rin had said. _"You looked kind of happy..." _

When was the last time I was truly happy? he asked himself silently, trying to suppress the question as soon as it formed. It hurt him to even think about it. He hated thinking about it, he really did. But the thought wouldn't leave him. It echoed in his mind, bringing forth the other question that he always despised-because he never knew the answer. _Will I ever be able to be happy again, before I forget how it feels?_

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Yay! So happy that I got this chapter up! I'm sure you noticed that this one is longer than the others!Please review everyone! Oh, has anyone figured out what I'm doing with the song titles yet? I'm sure a lot of you have! Well, I'm off to eat dinner since my mother has just finished making it and is currently calling for me! Thanks once again for reading, and please review! (**Intelligent**) flames accepted!


	5. Drei,, Voices, Disturbed

A/N: Wow! So many wonderful reviews already! Thanks to everyone who's reading! I really appreciate it!

WARNING: Sesshoumaru starts hearing voices in this chapter. If you don't like the story after this, then you should quit reading after this chapter, because this is really sort of where it starts to develop. I won't be mad if you don't like me for this part-I almost decided against posting this story because of it, but I figured at least somebody out there would like it, so I posted. Well, tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: Don't own the songs, Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, or any of their companions, enemies, etc. I do own the voice inside Sesshoumaru's head, the squirrel and four birds present in the background of this scene, and a single leaf from a tree in that forest.

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

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Chapter 3-Voices (Disturbed)

**I can hear the voice but I don't want to listen...**

**------------------**

"Lord Sesshoumaru..." Rin began hesitantly, looking at the ground for a few seconds. Sesshoumaru glanced at her briefly, waiting for her question.

"What made you happy yesterday?" she asked quietly.

Sesshoumaru stiffened slightly and looked at her for a second, then turned to look forward as he kept walking.

"I was remembering something, that's all," he answered in a cool, emotionless tone.

"Why aren't you ever happy anymore, Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked. As soon as she said it, she gasped and clamped her hand over her mouth. "Oh, I'm sorry, Lord Sesshoumaru! I didn't mean to ask that! Honest!"

Sesshoumaru only blinked and remained quiet, continuing as if nothing had happened. He tried not to think about it too much, but there was just no way around it.

_I should be perfectly happy right now...I have wealth, status, freedom to do anything I want, power to defeat anyone that I fight...what keeps me from being content?_ he wondered silently. _What possible cause could there be for all this foolish emotion? Is there something missing?_

"Umf!" Rin muffled a surprised sound as she ran right into Sesshoumaru. He had stopped, absorbed by his own thoughts, and she had collided with his leg. She took a few steps back hastily as he turned to look at her calmly, as if he had expected her to walk right into him all along. She apologized quickly, but he seemed not to even notice as he turned and began walking once again.

"Clumsy child," Jaken muttered under his breath.

"I'm not the only one," Rin crossed her arms and glared at the imp for a few seconds. "You've run into him far more often than I have."

Jaken had nothing to say to that, so he shut his mouth and gave up on it.

"Stay here," Sesshoumaru ordered suddenly as he took off. Jaken and Rin blinked at the suddenness of the action, while Ah-Un settled down for a nap.

"Where do you think he's going, Master Jaken?" Rin asked, turning to look at the imp questioningly.

"I don't know," Jaken sighed and shook his head. "Lord Sesshoumaru always has something to do, it seems..."

Sesshoumaru sped through the forest, leaping easily around the trees and avoiding the treacherous ground that was littered with roots and branches and rocks that would be easy to trip over. He had heard something, felt something, scented something...he didn't know which of his senses had detected it, but there was something he sensed, and it made him a bit uneasy. Not afraid, of course-he had long outgrown almost all forms of fear-but possibly bordering on nervous.

"So, Lord Sesshoumaru, it's you," a voice greeted faintly. Sesshoumaru stopped and looked around, wondering who had spoken. He frowned and scanned the area with his keen eyes, trying to pick out any hidden demons or sorcerers. He tried to catch a scent, but there was no unusual creature lurking about-a few stray birds, a squirrel, and the regular scents of trees and such...

"Who are you?" he demanded sharply, still looking around. He moved his hand to rest on the hilt of Toukijin, preparing to use it if necessary.

"Well, I suppose you wouldn't believe me if I said I was your own mind," the voice chuckled again. "I guess I'm not really your mind, per say-just a strange little part of it-"

"I refuse to believe that I've lost that much of my sanity," Sesshoumaru snapped angrily.

"_That much_ of your sanity, Lord Sesshoumaru? So you admit that you've lost some, just not enough for you to believe this? Hmm, interesting statement."

Sesshoumaru growled softly, angrily cursing inside his own head for allowing himself to make such a mistake.

"My, what a vocabulary," the voice whispered.

"I wasn't talking to-" Sesshoumaru stopped as his mouth snapped shut with an audible click of teeth. _I hadn't spoken any of that out loud..._

"No, you certainly didn't," the voice answered his silent confusion.

Sesshoumaru cursed silently again, unsure what to think and getting rather frustrated.

"Don't use such language, Sesshoumaru, it's unfit for your status."

Sesshoumaru stiffened at that statement. _That's what Father always said...exactly what Father always said..._

"Who are you?" Sesshoumaru whispered, clutching the sword so tightly that his knuckles were white. His eyes widened almost imperceptibly as he looked about frantically, trying to place the source of the voice so that he could rid himself of it. But he could sense nothing...

"I already told you who I am," the voice replied. "Or do you want something more specific? I can tell you exactly what I am, but you may not wish to know."

"TELL ME WHO YOU ARE!" Sesshoumaru shrieked angrily, drawing his sword and growling. He was getting anxious, nervous, and even...frightened? No, that wasn't quite it-he felt...threatened, and his first instinct was to strike back at whatever posed to attack him, whether physically or mentally.

"I am you, in way-all of your pain and sorrow, the guilt and suffering in your mind that you've kept locked away for so very long...I am your every sorrow or regret or fear or longing, everything that you despise and hate, everything that you wish would just go away and leave you in peace. I am the shattered mirror in the perfect room of a perfect castle-the deep, secret, hidden part of yourself that nobody ever sees, yet I distort all perceptions and thoughts into something more twisted and cruel and heartbreaking than it appears to be. And you-you know all of this, you realize when your views are being warped and changed-yet you refuse to change them, because you refuse to hope for anything. Your hopes have been destroyed in the past, so you do not hope anymore. And that is where I came from, that is how I was born. I am you, Sesshoumaru-the broken, weak, childish, helpless part of you-the part that needs comfort and love and gentleness, the part that yearns for the caring and understanding of another."

"No you're not," Sesshoumaru whispered, taken aback by all of it. "No, that's impossible. I have no regrets, no sorrows, no fears...I feel none of it," he lied.

"You're only denying the truth. It's inevitable to have pain in life, Sesshoumaru-you cannot say that your life is perfect, that you've never felt remorseful or hateful or sad. You cannot escape that fact."

Sesshoumaru remained where he was, shocked and overwhelmed. He had always suppressed his feelings, had always managed to push them aside and force them to leave him alone, but this was different-he was being confronted with all of his emotions at once, all of his sorrow, all of his rage, all of his pain-all put on display in front of him, like some grotesque museum of horrendous memories. Scenes from his life flashed so quickly before his eyes that he became dizzy after only a few seconds, and he felt himself start to tremble and shiver with the pictures that flowed through his mind. He tried to stand, but after a few minutes, it was too much. He slowly sat down on the ground, gritting his teeth to keep from screaming in protest-though he knew not what he would say if he were to shout, for he had no real response to all of it.

"You believe what you see, Lord Sesshoumaru-and you must believe that I am really you. I know all of it-every last piece and part, every last vestige of your psyche, every trace of every emotion you hold. You've become far too troubled lately, great Lord."

Sesshoumaru leaned backwards wearily against a tree trunk, his head swimming with every memory of everything that he had ever experienced. He felt himself grow weaker, his body beginning to shake unsteadily. He reached up one hand to brush his bangs out of his eyes, feeling that he had risen in temperature as he realized that his forehead was warmer. _I must be coming down with a fever...this is all just a hallucination..._

"You aren't hallucinating, Sesshoumaru. You're remembering," the voice whispered softly. "Your recollections are coming forth because you are no longer strong enough to hold them at bay. You've shoved them aside and kept it all bottled up, only to have the feelings grow upon themselves, feasting from your own detachment of the realities of life. You cannot run from yourself for so long, you cannot hide from the past. You cannot ignore the agony that dwells inside you and expect it to go away-you wish that it never happened, but you are incapable of changing it. Memories do not fade so easily, especially not when they hurt so deeply."

"Leave me," Sesshoumaru whispered weakly. "Just leave me..."

"You tremble, Lord Sesshoumaru..." the voice said with pity. "You cannot contain your true feelings like this. You must face your past before you can truly be done with it."

"I SAID LEAVE!" Sesshoumaru screamed, shutting his eyes tightly as he shook his head violently. "Go away and never come back! Let me keep my disillusions, if that is truly what they are-don't give me all of this and expect me to take it in stride-don't make me remember..." his words trailed off as he struggled with a new wave of memories, trying to block them from entering his thoughts.

"I cannot go. You need to deal with your past, Sesshoumaru. You need to feel everything, experience everything, truly deal with it before you can move on. You have had enough time to live in your dreamland, creating a false sense of contentment, disguising your own emotions with fleeting views and carefully controlled objectives. You have reached your limit-and you can no longer turn to your old tactics. Your pain refuses to be held back any longer-you'll just have to handle it. You must face the consequences of your own insurrections..."

As the voice faded away, Sesshoumaru felt a new surge of regret that threatened to engulf him completely. Old memories that he had thought long buried were rising from their graves, coalescing in front of him like so much steam slowly forming into living and breathing creatures. Nightmarish scenes of terror and bloodshed played before his eyes, horrendous battles fought with the ferocity and vigor of bestial animals. Remembrances of chilly nights spent alone touched his visions, the cold bite of the frosty air making his skin tingle. Days spent wondering about his father, sleepless times spent pacing about, restless times fraught with grief and worry and fear...all of it came back to him in a rush, blocking out all other senses, rendering him nearly helpless as it became impossible for him to hear or smell or see anything but his own unfortunate misgivings and guilt-ridden sorrows that pierced through his heart, shattering his soul into hundreds of pieces and leaving him confused, breathless, and finally...afraid.

And for the first time in a long while, for the first time since he was a mere bungling toddler, Sesshoumaru could no longer control himself. He curled up into a ball and began to cry, wishing it would all just stop, that it would all go away and let him forget...

"Are you breathing?" the echoes of a thousand voices crowded in his mind, menacing and pitying, warning and enticing all at the same time, proving to be far too much to bear for the demon as he slipped into a swirling black mist that pulled him into unconsciousness.

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Okay, now that everyone hates me for making Sesshoumaru have a mental breakdown, please review! I accept any criticism, comments, etc etc etc...well what are you waiting for? Please review! I'll see if I can send you an e-mail cookie:)


	6. Vier,, Guarded, Disturbed

A/N: Wow, so many nice people are reviewing! I really didn't expect this much parise! Thanks so much to all my wonderful readers! I really appreciate your feedback and I'm glad you like my story!

Ok, not much else to say-here goes.

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the songs. Original character later-mine. Storyline-sort of mine. I borrowed from the third movie a little bit, at least what I know of it. Haven't watched it yet, but I've read enough and seen enough clips to suffice for my fic. But other than that, the storyline is mine. So no suing; you'll pay more for the lawyer than you'd win from me.

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Chapter 4-Guarded (Disturbed)

**Guarding yourself from the love of another left you with nothing tonight...**

**---------------**

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

"Sesshoumaru-kun, what are you so upset about?" InuTaisho asked, a hint of frustration just barely touching the edge of his voice.

"Oh, don't you worry about me, Father, just keep on entertaining yourself with that oh-so-wonderful human woman of yours. I'm perfectly fine," Sesshoumaru mocked angrily.

"Sesshoumaru-kun, your jealously is misplaced," InuTaisho sighed heavily.

"I'm not jealous at all," Sesshoumaru lied. "Why should I be jealous of a mere human woman? She's weak, fragile, pouty, emotional, flighty, fearful, and clingy. What makes you think I'm jealous?" he sneered.

"Because you seem to think that I love her more than I love you," InuTaisho said quietly.

"And so what if you do?" Sesshoumaru crossed his arms and turned his head to the side sharply, refusing to look at his father. "I don't care how much you love me, because I don't love anyone. I really wouldn't give a damn if you said you hated me, right here and right now."

"But Sesshoumaru-kun...I don't hate you," InuTaisho whispered. "I really do love you, no matter what you think...I love you more than you can even imagine...you're my child, my son, my own flesh and blood..."

"I don't care," Sesshoumaru snapped angrily, turning completely away from his father. "I don't care, I don't want to care, I don't have to care, I refuse to care...just leave me alone and go amuse your stupid little human."

"Sesshoumaru-kun..." InuTaisho sighed heavily and shuffled off, leaving his son to his own thoughts. Sesshoumaru didn't glance back when his father left. He didn't look at him when the older demon whispered a single question, didn't even spare a second of hesitation when he was asked.

"Sesshoumaru-kun...what do you seek in life, if not love?"

"Power, conquest, possibly even wealth-I wish to rule these lands one day, to take over all of Nippon and prove how strong I am. And nobody is going to stop me."

InuTaisho stared at his son for a few minutes, silently mulling over his thoughts before turning away, his eyes filled with sadness and regret. Sesshoumaru ignored him, refusing to acknowledge anything that concerned his father anymore.

"Izayoi...I fear that he is lost to me," InuTaisho whispered quietly to his wife, laying down on thier bed wearily. "He no longer seems to care whether or not I love him..." the dog-demon shivered and closed his eyes.

"Oh, my love, it pains me to see you in such agony," Izayoi said, sitting down on the bed and scooting over until she was right next to him. He turned to glance at her, and she beckoned for him to move closer. He allowed her to gently urge him closer, to begin slowly massaging his scalp as he rested his head in her lap. She looked down at her love sympathetically as a few tears formed in his gentle eyes.

"Izayoi, he says that he doesn't care anymore...that he does not seek love-only power...Izayoi, I begin to wonder if I've done something terribly wrong," he said, turning his golden eyes to look at her sorrowfully. She only looked back at him with equal regret, understanding his feelings as well as if they were her own.

"I know what you feel, I know how it pains you," she began in a near-whisper. "If you...if you think it would help, if you think it would mend your bonds...I would leave and-"

"No, Izayoi, don't do that," InuTaisho reached his hand up to cup her cheek within his palm. "I don't want you to leave. I don't think it would matter that much anymore, really. He has already made up his mind."

"My love...what can be done?" Izayoi asked quietly.

"I don't know," InuTaisho sighed heavily. "I suppose that only time will tell..."

"You cannot go on like this," Izayoi said quietly. "You must make amends with him. Your very heart is being crushed...will you not try to save what you two once had?" she asked.

"There is nothing I can do anymore, Izayoi. Nothing I can do or say will change his mind. He's stubborn in everything he does-he will not change even if he wants to, because he wants to prove his point," InuTaisho said very softly, choking back the urge to cry his heart out.

"Your feelings for him have not changed," Izayoi started quietly. "His feelings have turned against you...he has turned away from you in his confusion...do not be sad for long; all things come in due course...he is simply guarding his own heart, unwilling to open himself to anyone else...he may yet remand his own declaration..."

"If he were only to let down his walls...why must he be so guarded?" InuTaisho asked in a pained voice.

And Izayoi stroked the demon's head gently as he softly began to cry, tears streaming down his face as his body shivered. She held him to herself, quietly soothing his aching soul until he fell asleep within her arms.

"He remains guarded, my love...but one day, he will allow someone to see who he truly is..."

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So, what's the verdict? Did I do alright? Please reveiw and tell me what you think! I love reviews! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed previously!


	7. Fünf,, Innervision, System of A Down

A/N: Ahh! Such a hectic day! Okay, I'm going to be simple here: **THANKS EVERYONE!**

And now for a special treat, an ode to my dear friend 'Tani', aka redrum and wine! This is called Ode to a Friend:

**_Oh my friend, I know you're in pain_**

**_Please don't get mad because I made him insane_**

**_Besides, you can't say you aren't crazy too_**

**_And I have proof that I can show you_**

**_I have a picture that is so funny-_**

**_A picture of you holding a cute bunny_**

Thank you, thank you...no applause necessary! -smiles at audience-

Okay, now on with the story!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I do not own the songs referred to in this story, nor do I own the characters that Rumiko Takahashi created. However any original characters are mine, and as a special treat, I give everyone permission to use them (hell why not; I don't make money off this anyways!) No suing me; you wouldn't get more than a few dollars even if you had a case, and the lawyer would cost more.

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Chapter 5-Innervision (System of A Down)

**There's only one true path in life...the road that leads to our hearts...**

**-------------------- **

"Sesshoumaru-kun, why do you hate her? What's so terrible about humans?" InuTaisho asked, his tone full of hurt and confusion.

"Humans are weak and pathetic. They clamor for attention and need constant babysitting. They're always at risk of getting hurt or killed; they aren't even safe from themselves. They could fall down a short few steps and break all the bones in their weak bodies. They're too fragile, too fleeting...they die so easily by injuries, and even if they were to live out their entire lives, it would only be a fraction of a lifetime for us. They can't even rough out a full century! Anything associated with humans is a mere passing frenzy, nothing more than heated passion that will soon end and be naught but dust and bones and ashes in a silent grave. Why do you love her, Father? She is nothing to you. You cannot stay with her as you wish to; she will die before you can blink, and you'll be mourning her as if you'd known her for millennia. It's all just pointless and foolish," Sesshoumaru said.

"Love is never pointless," InuTaisho whispered. "It can be foolish, yes, but never pointless..."

"If you'll acknowledge the folly, then why do you still continue?" Sesshoumaru snapped angrily. "She's worthless! It's a waste of your time and energy to even spare her a glance! What's happened to you?"

"Nothing has happened to me, Sesshoumaru-kun...I'm still the same person," InuTaisho said.

"No you aren't, Father. You've become a foolish heel-hound, following that human around like some lost pup and begging for her ministrations as if you'll die without them."

"Watch what you say, Sesshoumaru-kun," InuTaisho warned. "I may love you, but that does not mean that I have to tolerate your insolence."

"And what are you going to do, Father? Confine me in some dark prison? Beat me senseless? Disown me? I would, if I were you," Sesshoumaru crossed his arms expectantly.

InuTaisho looked at his son for a long few minutes, tried to ignore the fact that this was his son, tried to pretend that it was just any other demon who had insulted his status, his pride, his love...but he couldn't. He sighed heavily and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes.

"No, I will do none of that," InuTaisho said slowly. "You are entitled to your opinion."

"As if!" Sesshoumaru shrieked angrily, dropping his hands and clenching them into fists. "You're the Lord of the Western Lands! Nobody should be allowed to speak against you! Not even me, not even your own son! At least do something-growl at me, at least do that much-or glare at me angrily, or bare your fangs-do SOMETHING!"

"I won't do anything to you, Sesshoumaru-kun," InuTaisho said simply, turning to look to the side.

"No, Father...no, you wouldn't, would you?" Sesshoumaru sneered, regaining his former angry-yet-calm composure. "You've become soft and weak, tainted by that human of yours. Your power is waning because you've been polluting your mind with her subtle sorceries," the younger demon scowled.

"You will NOT speak of her that way!" InuTaisho growled, turning to glare at his son.

"That's better," Sesshoumaru smirked. "At least that bitch of yours-"

"Sesshoumaru, I'm warning you-you should discontinue that thought," InuTaisho snarled loudly as he revealed his fangs menacingly.

"-has taken off your collar for a little while," Sesshoumaru continued calmly, ignoring the warning.

"I think it would be best if you were to remain silent," InuTaisho said angrily, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"I suppose I could be quiet if I _wanted_ to. But that won't be necessary, because dogs that are on leashes will only be able to go so far before they choke," Sesshoumaru smirked tauntingly.

"Why you insolent little whelp!" InuTaisho finally snapped, and in half an instant he was next to the younger demon. Before he knew it, Sesshoumaru was slammed roughly into the nearest wall, held up by the collar of his kimono and at least two feet off the ground. InuTaisho was snarling angrily with barely suppressed rage, but Sesshoumaru only smiled.

"So, Father, tell me, is she really such a bitch that you mistook her for a female dog?" he asked calmly.

InuTaisho tightened his grip on the kimono.

"What's stopping you, Father?" Sesshoumaru grinned mockingly. "Afraid that you'll have a difficult struggle with your own son? Fearing your own weakness, perhaps? Are you simply in denial? Don't tell me that you've gotten too weak to reprimand anyone who insults you. Or maybe you've just grown so soft that it sickens you to think of fighting? No, maybe you'd rather be prancing about happily in the flower gardens."

"I've had enough of your tongue!" InuTaisho finally growled out, whirling around angrily. He still held Sesshoumaru in his grip, and he let go as he spun, sending the young demon flying right into another wall. Sesshoumaru was knocked breathless for an instant, and he sensed his mind clouding over...he felt himself swoon, almost unconcious...

He slowly climbed to his feet, then wiped a trickle of blood from his mouth and shook his hand. He chuckled quietly at his father.

"Is that the only thing you can manage to do? Throw me into a wall? Father, you've been doing that since I was half this age. You should know better by now-it doesn't hurt," Sesshoumaru smirked.

"Don't force me to hurt you, Sesshoumaru," InuTaisho said.

"And if I do?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"You'll regret it," InuTaisho said. "And so will I," he added softly, his anger beginning to subside.

"Oh no, I'm not letting you get off that easily!" Sesshoumaru said hastily as he sensed his father's anger ebb away. "You're going to make me pay for my insults, or else I'll make you pay for your weakness!" he declared as he rushed forward, pouncing upon his father in a fury. He latched onto the older demon's back and wrapped one arm around his throat, trying to choke him. InuTaisho reached his own arm around and grasped the younger demon, pulling him off forcefully. Sesshoumaru growled and tackled InuTaisho again, this time extending his vicious claws and aiming for the chest. InuTaisho dodged easily, but he idly realized that Sesshoumaru would not stop until he was beaten into submission-and that could take a while.

"Don't make me do this, Sesshoumaru-I don't want to fight you," InuTaisho whispered.

"Then don't fight," Sesshoumaru growled and dropped his stance. "I wouldn't attempt to fight you if you acted the way you were supposed to. I'm not allowed to get away with these things, but you've become too weak to stop me. What prevents you from acting now, Father? Don't feed me those lies about loving me. It never stopped you when I was a child. You would always correct me when I was younger. What's happened to you?"

"Nothing," InuTaisho forced himself to say. "Nothing has happened to me."

"Then you shouldn't have any qualms about asserting yourself. Unless, of course, this means that you admit that I'm right-because you're leading me to believe that your refusal to correct me means that I'm not the one in need of correcting. Is that it, Father?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"No, it's not," InuTaisho sighed heavily. "And it is at the same time. I simply think that you're entitled to-"

"Quit feeding everyone that lame old bullshit," Sesshoumaru snapped. "It's not true and you know it. I was never allowed to voice a contradictory opinion before she came along, why now?"

"You were allowed to have your own opinions, Sesshoumaru-you always were," InuTaisho said.

"I was allowed to have them, but you always told me to keep them to myself," Sesshoumaru said. "And now you let me scream and rant and go on like a whiny child-I do everything to get your damn attention and maybe see something left of the Father I once knew, the strong demon who never allowed anyone to disrespect him-and I find a weak little pup, wagging his tail and doting on some pathetic human, begging to be shown some affection!"

"I am no pup, Sesshoumaru-kun. If anything, you would be the pup here," InuTaisho growled.

"Then make sure I'm the one acting like the pup and that you're the one acting like the father!" Sesshoumaru screamed angrily. He stormed out of the room, slamming every door he came across and throwing every object he was capable of throwing along the way. InuTaisho sighed wearily, rubbing his forehead with the intent of easing the pain in his mind.

He wondered if it was really true, everything that Sesshoumaru had said...was he really becoming weak? He knew that he let his son get away with things that he should never have allowed in his right mind-perhaps the young demon was right...

"What's going on?" Izayoi asked quietly, appearing from one of the many hallways. She paused to look around the room, seeing the way that about half of it was demolished, and she shook her head lightly before going over to her lover. "I heard a lot of noise. What's the matter?"

"It's Sesshoumaru-kun again," InuTaisho sighed. "Izayoi, do I seem weaker than when you first met me?"

"Of course not!" Izayoi said firmly.

"I haven't kept him in check for the last three months," InuTaisho confessed quietly. "He thinks that I have grown soft, weak, unwilling to defend my own honor...and he thinks it's because of you, which is the worst part of it all. Izayoi, what am I to do?"

"Oh, I cannot see you in such pain any longer," Izayoi said, tears forming in her eyes. "I will leave-"

"No, Izayoi, you don't have to-"

"Shh, my love, it's alright," Izayoi touched her finger to his lips. "I will leave, and he will not have to deal with me any longer. Then you can mend your life. He is your son, my Lord-I cannot take that from you, no matter how much I love you. If it means that I have to leave in order for you and him to work things out, then I will leave. Neither you nor he will ever be bothered by me again," she whispered quietly. "I would not see your family fall apart because of me-no, young Sesshoumaru-kun is more important than I am. He is your son, your flesh and blood and bone, your kin, your closest relative-and I am not even a demon as you are!" she said.

"No, Izayoi..." InuTaisho took in a sharp breath. "You shouldn't be forced to leave..."

"I leave of my own accord," she soothed, giving him a bittersweet smile. "I love you, dearest, but I cannot allow you and Sesshoumaru-kun to keep fighting over me. I would die in a scant half-century as it is, and my life would pass by like so many leaves in the wind. You will find somebody much better than I am, and she will be a demon, capable of living with you for far longer without needing so much care and protection. And Sesshoumaru will be more accepting of a demon woman, and you will be able to see eye-to-eye once more. I would that you forget about me, for the yearning to turn back would be too great if I knew you remembered..."

"Izayoi...I..." InuTaisho began, blinking rapidly. "I know this sounds horrible, but...even if you were to go, I don't think it would change," he said unhappily. "He's already lost all respect for me..."

"Consider it, my love. Don't rush your decision," Izayoi smiled at him soothingly. "I will leave if you want me to, and I will stay if you want me to-but I cannot help but think that maybe the young Prince Sesshoumaru does not want me around," she said quite calmly.

"I only wish he would understand..." InuTaisho sighed. He had to wonder, though-he could not keep himself from asking his own mind if perhaps she wasn't right...maybe they were both right...his innervision faded in and out, showing him random memories of times past...his heart ached for the bond he once had with his son...

If only his innervision would be reality, and reality would be just a cruel nightmare...

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So, what does everyone think? Tell me by reviewing! And thanks to everyone who reviewed before, you all make me so happy!

Oh, special notes:

Lori: No, I wasn't referring to you with that particular A/N. I apprecitae constructive criticism, and that is what your review was. Thank you for reading! I love it when people are honest, not outright stupid like that other person (I mean sheesh they need to do some homework!)

Tani: All I can say is this: YOU ASKED FOR IT!

Thanks once again to all my wonderful reviewers! You make my days so much happier! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!


	8. Sechs,, Toxicity, System of A Down

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! It's great to read all the reviews; you're all such wonderful readers! Okay, I know that I've gotten a few requests to update already, so here you go!

Special notes:

StuDMuffiN: Umm...sorry, already taken...um, hope your kids are doing alright, sorry to hear about your, uh, terminal illnesses...but thanks for reading, I think, um, even if you did or didn't like it...O.o'

Well then, on with the story!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I do not own Sesshoumaru, InuTaisho, Izayoi, or any other characters that Rumiko Takahashi created. I also do not own any of the songs (not yet anyways!). You would never win if you tried to sue me about it; don't waste your time. I have nothing to give you even if you did sue me and you did win, so you'd waste your money on the lawyer.

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Chapter 6-Toxicity (System of A Down)

**Somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep...disorder, disorder, disorder...**

**-------------------- **

"Juzume, why must he be so blind?" Sesshoumaru asked, looking over at his milk-mother with confusion.

"He is in love, Sesshoumaru-kun," the woman said, moving her hand over to stroke his head soothingly. "Love can be blind and foolish. Even a demon can fall prey to the throes of passion."

"But why him?" Sesshoumaru asked, sighing wearily as he leaned his head on her shoulder. "Why did it have to be Father? What made him fall in love with her?"

"Perhaps he himself does not even know," Juzume said gently. She sighed lightly and pulled the boy closer, resting his head on her bosom and trying to comfort the ache in his heart. Though she was not his birth-mother, she felt closer to him than anyone else. She was never able to have children of her own because of an old injury, but when Sesshoumaru's mother died during childbirth, Juzume had willingly taken on the role of providing his milk when he was a babe-and being his mother when he needed one. She was the only mother he had ever really known, and on rare occasions, he would even gift her with the honorary title of 'mother'.

"Juzume, why does it have to feel like the world is ending?" Sesshoumaru whispered, allowing her to pull him closer. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, trying to suppress the feelings that welled up inside of him and formed into a lump in his throat.

"I wish I could ease your suffering," Juzume said sincerely, beginning to softly brush her fingers through his hair like she had done so often when he was a child with frequent nightmares. He tilted his head slightly, leaning into her soothing touch and wishing that he could absorb himself within it, wishing he could forget about everything else and focus on only her smooth fingers tracing through his fine silky strands.

"Mother...I wish he would understand...I just want him to see..." Sesshoumaru sniffed and tried to hold back his tears, forcing himself to contain the agony he was feeling.

"Oh, my son...he will see, in time..." Juzume looked down at him sympathetically, her heart aching for the pup.

"How much longer will it take, Mother?" Sesshoumaru whimpered, finally releasing his emotions. He buried his face into her chest as she cradled him like a child, and he cried his heart out. Juzume stroked his head and whispered soft nothings into his ear, soothing and calming him until he was at last asleep in her arms. She held him gently like that, watching him through the night, calming him when his body tensed with hidden nightmares.

The dawn of morning came, and Sesshoumaru awoke drowsily. He blinked and pulled himself up, looking at Juzume with just a touch of embarrassment. She smiled at him lightly and let go, allowing him to pull himself away from her body.

"Are you hungry, Sesshoumaru-kun?" Juzume asked after a minute. Sesshoumaru nodded thankfully as his milk-mother got up and left to prepare some food. He was nearly starving, actually.

"Lord InuTaisho...a word with you?" Juzume whispered quietly, seeing him residing on a stool in the kitchen.

"What is it, Juzume?" InuTaisho asked, apparently distraught. He didn't look as if he had slept in years, and his tone of voice reflected nothing of the usual confidence and cheerfulness that was his characteristic trademark.

"Sesshoumaru-kun seems not to understand your relationship, my Lord. Perhaps if you took a walk and explained it to him-from the beginning-he might be better able to comprehend. Or even if you held a conference with Izayoi and the two of you...something must be done, if you wish to continue your pursuit in this matter. Although I would favor the option of her absence, I cannot force her to go unless you agree to it," Juzume said a bit coldly. She turned and walked off without waiting for a reply, a hint of anger touching her normally gentle features as she went to the kitchen.

"You too, Juzume?" InuTaisho whispered to her retreating form. Juzume stopped stiffly and glanced over her shoulder, then turned around and stepped closer to him, settling herself in front of him in another chair.

"I can't dictate the ways of love-if you and Izayoi truly love each other, so be it. But what I can say is that your son is suffering for your love, and he is not only becoming more depressed, but more cold. His former carefree lifestyle has been thrown to the winds, and all because of your human plaything. He fears that you have grown weak and are blinded to the world around you, that you are becoming more foolish with each passing moment-and if you must know, I tend to agree with him. That human is everything that a human should be when in the presence of a demon-respectful, caring, affectionate, but not overly annoying-yet she is not what Sesshoumaru-kun needs. The toxicity of her blood is repulsive to him; he despises the fact that she is a human, because that makes her weak and frail, easy to manipulate or destroy. He sees that, and he feels that you are becoming more human because of your love for her. It bothers him-no, more than that. It tears him into pieces to see you fall prey to simple charms and subtle lures of kindness and affection. And if I were you, I would value my family over my plaything," Juzume finished. She stood up and walked out once again, this time refusing to turn back. She had to get food for the pup she cared so much about, and she had already wasted enough time.

InuTaisho sat there for a long time, staring silently at the wall without really seeing it. He was repeating the woman's last words in his mind, the phrase echoing in the silent tomb of his head in a woeful tone...and he knew, somewhere, deep down, that Juzume was right. Though she was not part of the dog-demon family, she was as close to a mother as anyone had been to Sesshoumaru-despite being a wolf-demon herself. And what she said was a disturbing thought, cascading along in the tumultuous tempest of his mind, storming and raging inside his skull with a conflicting argument that all amounted to naught at it's closing...

_'The toxicity of her blood is repulsive to him...'_

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So, what does everyone think? How about the new character, eh? Don't worry, she isn't as important as I made her out to be in this chapter, nor will she show up in the present time, or get involved with InuTaisho, etc etc etc...although she is sort of important anyways.

So anyways, please read and review! Tell me how I did, say hi, type lots of random letters in no particular order, flame, anything! Thanks!


	9. Sieben,, Forsaken, Disturbed:Korn

A/N: Thanks so much for reviewing everyone! It really means a lot to me! Okay, not too much to say here, sorry my update is a little later than usual, but I try not to be late on a regular basis, so please bear with me!

Special notes: Umm, StuDMuffiN, you already said that...o.O'

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Sesshoumaru, Rin, InuTaisho, Izayoi, Inuyasha, or any other characters that Rumiko Takahashi created. I do however own Juzume, but as I am making no money from this, I really don't care if anybody else chooses to use her as a character in their own story or not. I also do not own any of the songs that are referenced as titles, though I do own the little "song" that Juzume sings near the end of this chapter, which again I don't care if you use it or not. So, having said that, I won't sue you, so don't you go off and decide to sue me. Got it? Good.

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Chapter 7-Forsaken (vocals by Disturbed lead singer David Draiman, music by Korn)

**...clouded by memories of the past...**

**-------------------------- **

Sesshoumaru awoke with a start, looking around sharply as he grasped the hilt of his sword. He realized that he was in a forest, and his head hurt, and he felt as if he were drowsy from a restless sleep. He shook his head violently to clear away the lightheadedness, trying to stifle his thoughts. He knew why he had been asleep, he knew why he had been here, in this forest, curled up at the roots of an ancient tree...but he didn't want to think about it. He wanted to focus on whatever was coming closer to him, wanted to concentrate on something other than his own thoughts for once.

"Lord Sesshoumaru? Lord Sesshoumaru!" a faint cry was heard in the distance. Sesshoumaru looked off to the side, then slowly stood up and sheathed his sword as he began walking. He brushed the dust and dirt off his outfit, straightened a few messy strands of hair, and prepared to act like everything was completely normal.

"There he is, Ah-Un!" Rin cried happily. The dragon swooped down and landed about a hundred feet in front of Sesshoumaru, and Rin hopped off and ran over to him.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, you're alright! I was worried," Rin said.

"Worried?" Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow questioningly. If he had judged the time correctly by the position of the sun, it had been about midday when he left. The sun had barely begun to move towards the horizon, which should mean that it had only been a few hours.

"Yeah, you were gone for so long, Lord Sesshoumaru..." Rin nodded, a tiny frown on her face.

"How long was I gone, Rin?" Sesshoumaru asked suspiciously, the hairs on the back of his neck rising. If she actually said he was gone for a long time, then it must have been-she rarely exaggerated about such things.

"A little over three days," Rin said. Then, looking up at him hesitantly, "Don't you remember how long you've been gone, Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked.

Sesshoumaru blinked as he looked down at her, and just when Rin thought he was going to ignore her question, he slowly shook his head.

"I don't remember anything," he said evenly.

"Do you feel alright?" Rin asked worriedly, her frown deepening.

"I feel fine," Sesshoumaru said with a nod...and suddenly, he felt dizzy. He swayed almost imperceptibly, closing his eyes tightly to try and stave off the sensation of being caught in a tornado...swirling and twirling around and around...

"Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin looked at him worriedly as he started shaking ever so slightly-so very slightly that Rin wondered if maybe she wasn't just overreacting...but no, he really was shaking all over...

Sesshoumaru forced himself to walk over to Ah-Un, his steps slow and unsteady as he made his way over. His feet wanted to get tangled up amongst themselves, and even though he wasn't quite that clumsy, he still zigged and zagged a bit. He finally made it over to the dragon, gratefully clutching the reins and swinging himself up onto the creature's back. Rin came over a bit uncertainly, looking up at Sesshoumaru with obvious concern.

"Come on, Rin," Sesshoumaru said shortly. Rin nodded and climbed on as Sesshoumaru made room for her, allowing her to seat herself in front. He took the reins in one hand and looped his other arm about the girl's waist loosely, and Ah-Un took off.

"Master Jaken, we found him!" Rin greeted cheerfully as they landed. She jumped off and ran over to the imp, gleefully sweeping him around in a little dance for a few seconds.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, what took you so long?" Jaken asked. He received a cool, steady, and very deathly glare as his only response, and the imp proceeded to beg forgiveness for his manners in the usual way...and was ignored in the usual way.

Sesshoumaru sighed lightly and walked over to the nearest sizable tree, leaning against it heavily and closing his eyes. He tried not to show it, but he knew that he was exhausted. The painful memories that he had hidden for so long were surfacing, and he was reliving each and every one of them as if he were actually there again. The overwhelming reality of it all was taking its toll on him.

_Maybe I'm just hallucinating...perhaps I have a fever or something, and this will go away in a short while-weren't the people of the last village starting to get sick? Maybe it was contagious..._

"You are incapable of catching such a weak disease from any mortals," a voice whispered to him softly. "And you don't have a fever. As to whether or not you're hallucinating...well, I suppose you could call it that, if you wanted to. After all, it isn't actually happening again-you're just seeing it as if it were."

Sesshoumaru stiffened and inhaled sharply at the voice, still unnerved by the sound. He listened carefully, but there was no reaction from Rin or Jaken. They apparently couldn't hear the voice.

"No, you're the only one who can hear me," the voice said. "I'm not part of thier minds, after all-just yours."

Sesshoumaru growled slightly at that, wishing it would simply go away and lend him some peace.

"I've already had quite enough of your attempts to throw me into a guilt trip-why don't you bother somebody else for a change? I've got better things to worry about," Sesshoumaru snarled, forgetting that there was anybody else around. Rin and Jaken stopped what they were doing to look at him, and even Ah-Un roused his heads and blinked. Sesshoumaru cursed inside his head for being so careless, but he offered no explanation. It just wasn't his way.

Unfortunately for him, Rin was insatiably curious, and she decided to wonder what it was about.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, who are you talking to?" she asked.

"The voice that keeps whispering to me," Sesshoumaru replied calmly-forgetting, of course, just how insane that sounded until after he actually said it. _Great, that sounds perfectly normal, Sesshoumaru...'the voice'...that's just freakin' wonderful..."No, I'm not crazy, I just hear voices, that's all. Nothing wrong with my head."_

"The...voice...that keeps whispering to you?" Rin gave him a funny look, almost as if she were unsure whether to be worried or just creeped out. She feared for his sanity.

Sesshoumaru wasn't exactly sure whether that was supposed to be a question or a statement, so he chose to remain silent, cursing yet again inside his head for being so forgetful lately. _Why did I even say anything?_

"Uh, Lord Sesshoumaru, are you...sure you're okay?" Rin asked hesitantly, frowning in concern.

"Yes, Rin, I'm fine," Sesshoumaru sighed. "I suppose I just need some sleep."

"Well, alright," she said. Her tone clearly stated that she wasn't buying it, but she didn't say so. Sesshoumaru sank to the ground slowly, resting back against the tree and trying to go to sleep.

Had he known that he was only to relive his former life once more, he would have stayed awake.

As he quietly slipped into unconsciousness, he was clouded by memories of the past...

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

Juzume perched herself carefully on the edge of Sesshoumaru's bed, waiting for him to return. It had been a while now; he usually didn't stay away for so long. Then again, he wasn't usually fighting so fiercely with his father, and never for such a long duration, so it really wasn't unexpected.

After about an hour, Sesshoumaru wearily stumbled into his room, not even bothering to ask why Juzume was there. Since the beginning of this ordeal, he had never once wondered why or when or how she ever managed to know which room he was going to be in, or when he was going to be back, or where he had been. All he ever cared was that she knew how to comfort him, and he was desperately in need of it-though he never would have admitted it to anyone else, never would have allowed another to approach him about it, would even deny the efforts of somebody else.

"Sesshoumaru-kun, you are hurt," Juzume whispered softly.

"Hurt?" Sesshoumaru looked himself over briefly before turning to her. "I haven't got a scratch or bruise on me. I'm not hurt," he said.

"I do not mean a physical pain, my young prince," she said quietly. "Your soul is aching within you. What has made such wounds grow in your heart? You were not so darkened this morning."

"You always did know what I was feeling," Sesshoumaru sighed and went over to sit next to her, allowing her to start stroking his hair. It did little to soothe him, however; his most recent fight with his father had bothered him far too much to give him any peace within the small caresses she administered.

"Father says that he wishes to have a child with Izayoi. She apparently agreed to it," Sesshoumaru finally spoke.

"And you do not wish for them to have this child?" Juzume asked sympathetically.

"Juzume...it's not just that, really," Sesshoumaru tried to express his feelings. It was getting more difficult for him to talk to anyone lately-even her. "I don't mind having a little brother or sister, but...the child of a human and a demon would be a halfbreed. The demons of the court and of this castle would never treat him with respect. He would never be accepted-they would only hate him, and for that matter, they would hate Father for bringing him into this world. They might even rise up against him. I tried to tell him, but he just won't listen to me-he refused to even let me say anything. Every time I tried, he would simply cut me off and tell me that I wasn't going to change his mind. And we got into a fight over it-he threw me clear across the room this time. He waited just long enough to see me stand up, then he asked me if he'd broken anything. When I said he hadn't, he just turned and walked away. He left, Mother...he just...left," the young demon finished.

"What do you plan on doing now, Sesshoumaru?" Juzume asked quietly.

"What can I do?" he scoffed. "Father won't even listen to me anymore. And from what I can tell, he rarely listens to you. Izayoi would take his side any day of the year-who else is there? Juzume, I think that if I do anything else, he'll simply disown me," the demon said woefully, leaning against her for the small comfort she could give. Juzume gently traced her fingers through his hair, hoping that everything would turn out.

"Listen, Sesshoumaru-maybe he'll change his mind once he has this child. He will see what trouble he has wrought, and then perhaps he will decide that it's more of a hassle than it's worth."

"I think he would disown me before he would give up that human of his," Sesshoumaru scoffed weakly. "He's more attached to her-if anybody says anything, he's just going to think that I turned them against him. I can't help but think that he doesn't even care about me anymore," Sesshoumaru said quietly.

"No, no, child, he wouldn't do that," Juzume cooed gently. "He may be stubborn at times-well, most of the time-and he may not see your point, but he wouldn't disown you. You're his son, Sesshoumaru."

"And I suppose that fathers and sons regularly throw each other across rooms and claw each other up, always fighting like crazed animals that are driven by a deranged bloodlust-I suppose that most fathers would choose to ignore thier sons when they need answers the most. I asked him why, Juzume-I asked him if he would tell me why he was doing this. I thought there might be something about it that I just wasn't understanding, something that I just didn't get. I thought that maybe he could tell me, help me see what he meant. You know what he did? He asked me why I cared. And that's what hurt, Juzume-I would rather have him beat me into a senseless bloody mess than have to ask why I cared. I'm his son, Juzume-I care because he's my father. I shouldn't have any other reasons, should I? Isn't that enough?" he asked, turning to look at her questioningly.

"Of course it is," Juzume soothed. "It's more than enough. Sesshoumaru, don't ever doubt yourself. Your father has fallen prey to a delusion, and once he realizes that he has made a mistake, then all will be right again. Until then, you cannot hope to change his ways. He is stubborn in his patterns-more so than the very sky which constantly hangs above us. But in time, the sky too changes, allowing stars to shine in the darkness and clouds to cover the light. He too will see the errors of his ways, and when all has come to pass, he will realize that you were only trying to help, and that he should have never been so harsh."

"I hope so," Sesshoumaru said heavily, closing his eyes against the pain of his emotions. "Mother...you know that one song that you always used to sing when I had nightmares?"

"Of course," she smiled softly, beginning to sing her quiet melody in the darkening room.

"Maa maa, ko shounen, nakanaide kudasai...genki da ima kodomo, onegai dame shinpai-Jibun akari istu anata..."

And though her words and her tone was soothing, and though her song was as sweet as ever, her mind cursed angrily at the demon who had brought such pain to the young child in her arms. She cursed at InuTaisho for doing this to his son, she cursed at him for making Sesshoumaru suffer, for making the younger demon feel the agony and loneliness that came after each of the all-too-frequent fights, for making him feel so forsaken...

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So, whaddya think? Did I do okay? I hope so! Please review and tell me what you think! Or, you don't even have to tell me what you think, just please review! I love reading reviews! Thank you everyone!


	10. Acht,, No Leaf CLover, Metallica

A/N: Yay! Another chapter! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! Reviews are wonderful! It makes me so happy to get reviews! Boy, I'm glad that I wrote this earlier, because I'm about tired right now-too much going on, not enough caffeine to last a whole day, ya know? No, probably not...then again...

Ugh, I'm not making any sense, see? Oh well, you don't have to really pay attention to this. Same old, same old...

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Sesshoumaru or anyone else that Rumiko Takahashi created. I do own Juzume, but I don't think she's in this chapter, so that doesn't really matter anyways. I also do not own the songs. No suing me; you won't get any money from it anyways.

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Chapter 8-No Leaf Clover (Metallica)

**Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel is just a freight train coming your way...**

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"Master Jaken..." Rin looked at the imp hesitantly, unsure if she really wanted to ask the question that had come to her mind.

"What is it, Rin?" Jaken sighed resignedly.

"What's Lord Sesshoumaru's brother like?" she asked carefully.

"You mean Inuyasha?" Jaken sneered. "He's a dirty, filthy, good-for-nothing nuisance! He's rude, snobby, overconfident, and just downright foolish! He's a pest!" the imp exclaimed vehemently.

"But Master Jaken, I bet you anything that Inuyasha thinks the same thing about Lord Sesshoumaru," Rin said thoughtfully. "Did you ever notice that they're sort of similar?"

"GAAH! Don't say that, child! Those two are nothing alike! How dare you compare Lord Sesshoumaru to that-that _thing!_ It's an insult!" Jaken practically shrieked.

"But Master Jaken, just think about it," Rin persisted in a reasonable tone. "Both of them are really strong-I mean, if Inuyasha is a halfdemon and he can still survive a fight with Lord Sesshoumaru, he has to be strong, right? Neither of them show their feelings to anyone, and they're both used to being so alone all the time. They've always had to look out for themselves, because nobody ever looked out for them. I think it's kind of sad," Rin frowned sympathetically. "I mean, I think it's sad that both thier parents died. And you know, Master Jaken, both of them want to be the most powerful no matter what-Lord Sesshoumaru wants to set up his empire, Inuyasha wants the sacred jewel-if you really think about it, they're a lot alike."

Jaken opened his mouth to protest, but no words came out. He snorted noncommittally, but Rin knew that he saw her point and was just unwilling to admit it.

"Well, that's all just because they're related," Jaken said finally. "After all, they are half-brothers. I suppose that they would have at least something in common. But that doesn't mean that Inuyasha even compares to Lord Sesshoumaru!" he added a bit snappishly.

"I know," Rin nodded. "But I was just wondering something..."

"What?" Jaken looked over at her and blinked, intrigued despite himself. After all, there was nothing better to do anyways, so he might as well take an interest in her questions.

"I wonder if they even know very much about each other," she said thoughtfully. "I mean, Lord Sesshoumaru might know that Inuyasha is a halfdemon and that he has the sword their father left and all that, but what else does he really know? He doesn't know what kinds of things Inuyasha likes, or what he likes to do in his free time, or what makes him sad or anything. He can only guess about almost all of those things-and the same goes for Inuyasha too. You know, I don't think they'd hate each other so much if they really knew each other."

"Perhaps you're right, Rin," Jaken agreed. "But there's no way that they would ever attempt to call a truce for long enough to learn about each other like that," he sighed.

"Stop talking, Jaken," Rin pouted unhappily as she shoved the imp's shoulder lightly. "You're ruining my daydream. Let me pretend it can happen," she whined childishly.

Jaken sighed and sat down next to her, trying to imagine it himself. He realized idly why Rin didn't want him to say anything-it was a nice picture, the two of them getting along, whether simply indulging in a civil conversation or fighting bravely alongside each other while facing hundreds or thousands of demons, truly trying to protect each other. Yes, it would be nice if that were to happen...Jaken and Rin stayed silent for a while, contemplating the nuances of the relationship that the two brothers could have-if only they would try...

"They're so unlucky," Rin said dejectedly after about ten minutes. Jaken sighed and nodded agreement.

"Yes, child, they are very unlucky," the imp agreed heavily.

Rin sighed again and looked at the ground miserably. She plucked a tiny green stem from the ground, examining it closely. It had once been a four-leaf clover, but was now just a stem with a few broken pieces of leaf hanging limply from the top of the stalk. The wind kicked up a bit and tugged at the shattered remains of the tiny plant, pulling off the remnants of clover and leaving her to look at a dead, wilted, barren piece of what used to be full of life and simple beauty.

"Yeah, just like a no leaf clover," she sighed and tossed the stem to the wind, letting it flutter about as it would.

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Alright, another chapter! Thanks so much to all my reviewers! Thank you, thank you, thank you a thousand times over! I love reading reviews! So please make me happy and review! Thank you!


	11. Neun,, Sonne, Rammstein

A/N: SORRY! It's been so long since I updated! Gaaah! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I had to take an unexpected field trip and it dealed me for a few days, then my internet was being a totally evil piece of junk, so it's taken me a while to update! I'm posting two or three chapters this time to make up for it!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha characters, and original characters are mine but I really don't care if you use them because I don't make money off this. Songs are not mine, they are copyrighted to whoever wrote and/or sang them, so don't sue me for sopright infringement, because this disclaimer is here for a reason. You wouldn't win if you sued me, and it would cost more to pay the lawyer than you would win in any case.

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Chapter 9-Sonne "Sun" -(Rammstein)

**Alle warten auf das Licht; fürchtet euch, fürchtet euch nicht...hier kommt die Sonne... **

**"Everyone is waiting for the light; be afraid, don't be afraid...here comes the sun..."**

**---------------------- **

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"Father, how large is your kingdom?" Sesshoumaru asked curiously.

"Well, let me show you," InuTaisho grinned. "Come on, Sesshoumaru-kun," he said as he led his son through the forest. The young demon eagerly followed, struggling valiantly to keep pace with his tall father.

"Here we are," InuTaisho announced, stopping them at the top of a tall cliff. The older demon sat down easily, and Sesshoumaru sat next to him, watching the sun rise calmly above the horizon.

"Father, why are we here?" Sesshoumaru asked, looking up questioningly.

"Sesshoumaru-kun, you must know something," InuTaisho began seriously, glancing affectionately at the small child. "My kingdom extends as far as you can see. Everything that the light touches is part of my domain."

"Wow," Sesshoumaru whispered in awe. "Everything the light touches..." he looked upon the lands in wonder, watching as the sun rose and graced the plains with a golden-red tint, coloring the trees and rivers as if they were a living entity of fire and earth, presenting themselves to the Lord as if expecting such a statement.

"One day, my son, it will be your turn to rule these lands," InuTaisho continued fondly. "The sun will eventually set on my time, and it will rise with you as the new Lord. Then you will rule everything that the light touches."

"Really?" Sesshoumaru asked happily. The young demon frowned after a few seconds, though. "But how? I thought that I could only be a Lord once you resigned."

InuTaisho chuckled softly as he looked at the young boy. "Well, you see, Sesshoumaru, I cannot hope to live forever, as much as I wish to. There will be enemies, and fights, and one day I will be defeated. It is inevitable in life-there is always a chance of dying. But after I am gone, you will take my place."

"Father, what happens to us when we die?" Sesshoumaru asked worriedly.

"Well, when we die, our souls travel to the other worlds-be it heaven or hell. Then our bodies eventually wear down. We become the grass, and we supply life to the plants. The animals eat the grass, and we eat the animals. So you see, we are all connected," he explained simply.

"Really? I never knew," Sesshoumaru whispered in awe. "Look, the sun is all red and orange!" he exclaimed suddenly, happily looking towards the mountains as the orb of fire crested the snowy peaks and made the white tops glisten and sparkle with pinks and reds, the light rippling across the tall stone fixtures and making them seem as if they were moving, breathing, living symbols of immovability and power, everlasting and unchanging.

InuTaisho chuckled quietly at the boy's enthusiasm, reaching his hand over to ruffle the silvery hair playfully.

"Yes, here comes the sun," the older demon agreed with a smile. "And one day, you will rise as well, with all of your glory and power behind you, bringing strength to your kingdom and striking fear into your enemies."

"Yeah, " Sesshoumaru agreed. "Just like the sun!"

The two demons watched the rest of the sunrise quietly, each one thinking silently to themselves as they shared the moment, basking in the calming light of the new day.

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Okay, so I based that so much off the Lion King it's not even funny (well it is but you know what I mean!) So I guess I'll put in a little note saying I don't own Lion King either. I couldn't help myself though; it fit so well and I liked it, and so I just wrote it that way. Anyways, please review! Reviews make me feel so much better! Any criticism, suggestions, and yes even flames are welcome!


	12. Zehn,, Imaginary, Evanescence

A/N: Not much to say here, please read and reveiw! Thank you to al of my loyal readers, and thanks especially to my loyal reviewers! You all make me so happy!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, InuTaisho, Jaken, Rin, Miroku, Sango, Kirara, Kagome, Kikyou, Naraku, Shippou, Kohaku, Hachi, Kanna, Kagura, Myouga, Izayoi, Kouga, Royoucan, Ginta, Hakkakku, the saimyoushou, the shinidama, Juromaru, Kageromaru, Jinenji, Goshinki, Yura, Hora, Rura, Menomaru, Kaguya...do I have to list every single character? Wait, I don't? Oh, well then I'll just say I don't own the Inuyasha characters. I also do not own the songs. Don't sue me!

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Chapter 10-Imaginary (Evanescence)

**I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly away...**

**---------------- **

#-Jaken/Sesshoumaru third-person POV

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

Sesshoumaru stood at the crest of a tall cliff, looking out at the lands that lay before him. Jaken stood a few feet behind in mild confusion, glancing up at his Lord a bit strangely.

"Uh, Lord Sesshoumaru, why are we here?" Jaken asked.

"Because I decided to come here, and you came with me," Sesshoumaru snapped a bit temperamentally.

"Yes, yes, of course," Jaken said nervously. "Sorry for asking..."

"Shut up, Jaken," Sesshoumaru almost growled. Jaken gulped and snapped his beak shut.

Sesshoumaru surveyed the area once more, absorbing every detail as if trying to memorize it. His gaze softened slightly as he watch the sun slowly grace the skyline, coloring the fields with dark purples in the early dawn.

"One day..." Sesshoumaru whispered to himself, gazing at the fine line of red between the mountains.

"Uh, what?" Jaken asked.

Sesshoumaru turned to glare fiercely at the imp, angry at having his peace and quiet interrupted once again. He stalked over and snatched the staff from Jaken's hands, whacking him upside the head a few times.

"When I tell you to shut up, I mean it," Sesshoumaru growled as he walked past. Jaken apologized profusely, but Sesshoumaru ignored him, only acknowledging his presence by throwing the staff back to him. Jaken sprinted forward to catch it, almost tripping over himself in the process.

The two of them walked in silence for quite a while, stopping at nightfall to catch food. It had been at least a week since either of them had eaten anything. Sesshoumaru ordered Jaken to stay and start camp, and Jaken obediently began a fire with a few nearby branches. Sesshoumaru returned a few minutes later with a deer slung over his shoulder and a few rabbits in his claws, and they set about eating.

"Jaken." Sesshoumaru started quietly as they sat there, having finished thier food a while ago.

"Yes, my Lord?" Jaken looked up in mild surprise, unused to the uncertain tone in Sesshoumaru's voice.

"Do you think it's possible for one demon to live forever?" Sesshoumaru asked as he stared into the flames.

"Uh, of course," Jaken nodded. "I mean, we are immortal, after all. The only way we can die is to be killed off by an enemy, or perhaps falling prey to fierce weather or crippling sickness."

"Sometimes I question my own immortality," Sesshoumaru nearly whispered. "I can't help but think that there's always a chance of death suddenly taking me. I don't have any children, Jaken. If I died, Inuyasha would have to take my place."

Jaken tilted his head in puzzlement, completely baffled by his Lord. Sesshoumaru had never spoken so softly and quietly, and had never even mentioned a fear of death before. The imp was flattered that Sesshoumaru felt at least comfortable enough to talk about such things with him, but he wasn't sure how to respond.

"Well, it's not hard to have children," Jaken finally supplied, speaking before the silence grew awkward.

"I can't simply go and find someone to mate and produce an illegitimate heir," Sesshoumaru scoffed slightly.

Jaken nodded his agreement, unsure if there was really anything he could say.

"One day, I'm going to die," Sesshoumaru whispered. "It's inevitable. And then someone will take my place. Just as the sun rises and falls each day, so will my reign. The sun will set on my time and will rise with another to take my place, and I don't even know if it's going to be my own child or if it's to be my half-brother."

Jaken glanced at Sesshoumaru a bit worriedly, wondering how he had suddenly gotten into such a depressed mood. He'd been fine yesterday, hadn't he? So what was making him so unhappy right now?

"I'm not so sure you'll ever die," Jaken commented thoughtfully after a few long seconds. "After all, you're a very powerful demon, and you do have the Tenseiga. You can't be killed so long as you hold it."

"Even this sword has it's limits," Sesshoumaru said, tapping the hilt of the Tenseiga with one claw. "My Father died while he had it. Apparently, not even a sword of life can sustain immortality," he scoffed.

Jaken frowned, losing his words at that statement. The two of them fell silent then, staring at the small fire in front of them and quietly thinking to themselves. Sesshoumaru finally leaned back and stretched himself out on the cool grass, gazing up at the stars for a few minutes.

"You're guarding tonight," Sesshoumaru finally announced as he slowly began to drift off to sleep. Jaken nodded and watched as Sesshoumaru fell into a doze, then finally a slumber. The imp stood there for a long time, barely noticing when the fire subsided into a smolder, mulling over his thoughts and carefully trying to decipher just what all of it meant.

Sesshoumaru woke at dawn the next day, blinking a few times before standing up and stretching out. He shook himself all over, then looked over at Jaken. The imp had been trying to hide the fact that he was watching, but Sesshoumaru had noticed.

"What, do I have a bug on me or something?" Sesshoumaru asked almost sarcastically.

"Uh, no, of course not," Jaken turned his head apologetically.

Sesshoumaru turned to gaze at the sun for a few minutes, watching it ascend above the hills as the reds seemed to bleed away from the sky. He looked at Jaken again, wondering why the imp looked so pensive all of a sudden.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, why would you choose me as your trusted retainer?" Jaken finally blurted out. "I know that you have many other demons who are more powerful that could help you far better than I!"

Sesshoumaru blinked and stared at Jaken for a few minutes, not expecting such a question.

"Well, you're far older than most of my other allies, and any that are older than you have gone halfway senile."

Jaken tilted his head, not understanding why age was a factor. Sesshoumaru decided to explain.

"You might not be powerful, but you've lived a long life and seen more than even I have. You would understand far more than any other snarling toothy beast that I could pick out."

Jaken nodded and left it at that; it seemed Sesshoumaru didn't want to talk anymore, and he had an answer. There was no need to continue questioning the dog-demon.

"You might even remember my Father," Sesshoumaru added as an afterthought. Jaken glanced over with mild surprise at the softly whispered words. Sesshoumaru held the gaze for a few seconds, an undefinable look crossing his face before he turned to look at the sun again. "What he was like before I was born, I mean."

"He was always a strong ruler," Jaken blurted before thinking. Sesshoumaru didn't seem to mind, however; he simply nodded agreement. Actually, he seemed to take comfort in that statement, Jaken realized.

"He defeated his enemies with ease and even grace, he defended his lands as viciously as a bear protecting its cubs, and he brought a multitude of blessings to his people. Demon and human alike adored him as a ruler. He was kind and compassionate towards his subjects, always sending for supplies after a disaster, never stalling or waiting around-even with villages who could only pay meager tithes. He never hesitated to help his own first, his allies second, and then himself third. He was considerate to the extreme, yet strong and unwavering in battle. He was everything that a ruler should be, and everything that a father should be," Jaken added quietly.

Sesshoumaru slowly looked over at the imp, his golden eyes burning with hidden emotion. He knew that Jaken was only trying to be helpful, but somehow that didn't make him feel any better. He tried to deny it, tried to find a reason to disprove it, but nothing came to mind. His Father had been a great ruler, a powerful defender, a caring teacher and friend and father...

"He was always too clouded by his care for others to see the reality that surrounded him," Sesshoumaru said quietly, not realizing he was speaking out loud. "He wanted to change the entire world, even the gods themselves when he felt they were unfair. He was an anomaly-the epitome of kindness, though he was a demon. One would think that he would be a nightmarish creature at home if all you saw was his battling skills, and then again you would think he were weak and pitiful in battle if you saw him at home. He just didn't seem to fit anywhere, so I guess he made a place for himself and settled into it, and everyone else accepted that. But he wasn't living in reality like everyone else was-he tried to ignore it for so long, going about in his imaginary world as if nothing were happening, as if he wasn't bringing about his own ruin, as if his firstborn son wasn't trying-"

Sesshoumaru snapped his mouth shut, finally coming to the conclusion that Jaken was staring at him because he was in fact speaking out loud. He tried to brush it off, turning to the side as if nothing were the matter.

"I'm sorry, Lord Sesshoumaru," Jaken said.

"For what?" Sesshoumaru scoffed.

"Well, for...what happened so long ago," he tried to explain without making Sesshoumaru mad. "When it was all happening, well, everyone in the lands knew about your father and the human...likewise about how you and your father were constantly fighting...I'm just sorry it turned out that way," Jaken finished softly.

Sesshoumaru blinked a few times, then turned to face the light breeze that was picking up. It ruffled his hair lightly, playing through the strands for a few seconds as if trying to soothe his aching soul. He let the slight wind tousle his silky hair, finding some small comfort in the agreeable weather.

"Let's go, Jaken," Sesshoumaru said, beginning to walk off in the same direction they had been following. Jaken hurriedly ran to catch up, and the two set out on their journey once more.

Jaken didn't say anything, but he thought he could see a similarity between the father and the son. Neither had realized that they were living in an imaginary existence, that was why they denied it. Sesshoumaru's world was one of the past, a fleeting memory and a failing hope that somehow everything between him and his father could be reconciled, forgiven, just passed by and never thought about again. It was all imaginary, it really was...

But he would never say anything. Jaken would never tell him, for it was not his place. The dog-demon would have to figure it out himself, or he would never be able to deal with it. That was just how things were.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

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You know the drill by now! Tell me what you think! Please review!


	13. Ëlf,, Darkness, Disturbed

A/N: Okay, here it is! This chapter was a nightmare! But I think I got it well enough, so please read and review! THanks so much to all of my previous and current readers and reviewers!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha characters, just my own original characters, so don't sue me. I don't own the songs either.

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Chapter 11-Darkness (Disturbed)

**Carry me away...I need your strength to get me through this...**

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**

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"FATHER!" Sesshoumaru screamed frantically, struggling to free himself from the grasp of the demon that held him back. "FATHER, NO! FATHER!"

Blood. So much blood. Everywhere, on his clothes and his hair and on the ground. It was splattered all over the trees, the rocks...the nearby pond was filled with it, tainted with blood, red and thick...

His father's blood.

Sesshoumaru tried to get away from the demons that held him, but their grip only tightened. He growled and tried to attack them, but the one who held him swiftly grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back.

"Get your filthy claws off me, you ugly demon!" Sesshoumaru yelled angrily.

"Say that again, mutt!" the demon grinned and twisted Sesshoumaru's arm cruelly. Sesshoumaru stifled a scream of pain, gritting his teeth to contain his cry.

"I thought so," the demon muttered, loosening his grip only enough to release the young boy from the intense pain. Sesshoumaru panted slightly in relief, then his mind instantly went to his father. He looked over sharply, watching carefully as his father stared down the demon in front of him.

"You foolish dog," the creature sneered. "You thought to take on the Dragon Clan? How utterly absurd! Now perish from your folly!" the dragon declared, swinging his sword mightily.

"NO! FATHER!" Sesshoumaru shrieked as his father's blood sprayed from the wound. Suddenly, everything seemed to slow down. There was no sound, no air, nothing but the slow descent of his father's body. And then, suddenly, a loud, echoing thud as a limp body hit the ground.

"FATHER! FATHER!" Sesshoumaru cried, breaking free of the demon's grasp at last. He ran over to his father, ignoring the demons that jeered at him, ignoring the rational voice that tried to make him run away.

"Father..." Sesshoumaru sobbed, kneeling beside the older demon.

_He's dead...he's really dead...no, this can't be happening..._

"Sesshoumaru..." his father managed to murmur, his eyes fluttering open.

"Father?" Sesshoumaru sniffed and looked at his father keenly, a faint trace of hope in his eyes.

"They'll kill you if you don't get away," he muttered as his eyes closed again. His heart stopped beating. Sesshoumaru hadn't noticed that his heart was still beating until it had ceased.

"Father...wake up, come on, you're not hurt that bad..." Sesshoumaru cried.

"How overwhelmingly tragic," the dragon made a show of dramatically placing his hand over his heart as if truly hurt, and the other demons laughed. "Oh, what an awful thing! How dreadful! Wouldn't you agree?" he asked, looking around at his followers.

Sesshoumaru growled angrily as he heard, stifling his emotions long enough to compose himself. He stood up and clenched his fists, then turned to face the dragon.

"You sick bastard," he choked out. "You'll pay for that!" Sesshoumaru screamed, lunging at the dragon. The demon chuckled and swept his hand out quickly, knocking Sesshoumaru backwards breathlessly.

"Now it's time to reunite you and your father," the dragon snarled menacingly, advancing on the small form before him. Sesshoumaru struggled to stand, but he couldn't. He sat there, terrified, as the sword whistled through the air and aimed at his neck. He gulped and closed his eyes.

He heard a sickening crunch of bone, a sharp pain in his neck, and then...darkness.

"Sesshoumaru, wake up!" InuTaisho nudged his son's shoulder. Sesshoumaru shot up out of bed, jumping and almost tripping over himself as he struggled to untangle himself from the blankets. He stood there panting, his eyes dilated and his body covered in cold sweat, until he saw his father. He looked over a bit uncertainly, looked down at himself, then seemed to calm down. InuTaisho frowned worriedly.

"Sesshoumaru-kun, were you having nightmares again?" he asked carefully. Sesshoumaru nodded, sitting down next to his father and leaning his head on the older demon's shoulder. InuTaisho reached over a hand and carefully began stroking the boy's hair, trying to comfort him.

"Do you want to tell me what it was?" InuTaisho asked even more carefully. Sesshoumaru shook his head violently; he really didn't want to talk about it. InuTaisho nodded and let it be.

"Father..." Sesshoumaru started after a few seconds, stopping to look up at the older demon.

"Hmm?" InuTaisho looked down, meeting the young child's gaze.

"I...well, I don't usually...could you stay in here, just for tonight?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"Of course," InuTaisho agreed with a nod. Sesshoumaru sighed in relief and moved a bit closer to his father, glad to hear the steady heartbeat and even breathing of the older demon.

"Are you sleeping tonight?" Sesshoumaru asked quietly.

"I wasn't planning on it, why?" InuTaisho asked curiously.

"Do you mind if...if I fall asleep like this?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"Not at all," InuTaisho smiled and tousled the boy's silvery hair affectionately. "Now get some rest."

"Okay," Sesshoumaru nodded as he allowed himself to fall asleep again, snuggling closer to his father before he even realized it. InuTaisho smiled softly and stroked the young demon's hair in the barely-moonlit darkness of the night, hoping to ease the distraught child.

Fortunately for both of them, it worked.

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Yes, that was supposed to be a pun up at the top, for anyone who read it. "A nightmare". I know, it was lame, but I couldnt think of anything else. I'll try to do better next time.

Anyways, please review! It means so much to me when people review! Thanks once again to all those who have reviewed!


	14. Zwölf,, Unforgiven, Metallica Pt I

A/N: Okay, now we're getting somewhere! The plot starts to thicken a bit here, and things are starting to pick up! I loved writing this chapter and hated writing it at the same time, I can't say exactly why, it just mixed up my feelings, but I love it when my own story can do that to me! So please read and review, tell me what you think. Don't worry, I don't bite...er, um, not usually anyways...

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha characters. Original characters are free domain for anyone who wants to use them, I don't make any money off this so I really don't care. Songs are not mine.

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Chapter 12-Unforgiven I (Metallica)

**...he's battled constantly...this fight he cannot win, a tired man they see no longer cares...the old man then prepares to die regretfully...**

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"Master Jaken, Lord Sesshoumaru looks troubled," Rin whispered softly to the imp.

"Leave him be," Jaken advised quietly. "You know the old saying-let sleeping dogs lie," he said.

"But Master Jaken...look at him," Rin frowned worriedly. "He looks like he's trying not to cry or something..."

"Don't wake him," Jaken warned. "If he's having a nightmare, he might attack whatever comes near."

"I hope he's okay," Rin said with concern. "Master Jaken, he didn't know how long he was gone-he thought it was the same day. And he looked all...well, I don't know. He just looked different-he still does..."

"How so?" Jaken blinked and looked at her, glancing at his lord briefly. He tilted his head a bit quizzically, wondering what she was talking about.

"Well, he looks so...I mean, I feel like he's thinking about something that's painful for him to think about."

"He probably is," Jaken admitted quietly. "He's got an awful lot to think about, I'm sure. After all, his past is very long and cruel, from what I've heard-and I'm sure that he's told me very little, even after all these years. His mother died giving birth to him-he was supposed to be dead as well, and his father had to choose between saving him or his mother. He chose to save him. After that, he grew up under the care of his father and a female wolf-demon by the name of Juzume. She cared for him as if he were her own pup. But when Izayoi came along-"

"Who's Izayoi?" Rin interrupted.

"The human mother of Inuyasha," Jaken explained. "Well, when she came along, then the old Lord InuTaisho and Lord Sesshoumaru-who was just a Prince at the time-got into serious fights over it. His father died before he ever had a chance to make amends with him. I think it bothers him, for he rarely says anything about it, and whenever he does, he remains in a very sulky mood for up to weeks on end. I suppose it can't really be helped, though-I've often wondered if he realizes that yet. He tends to dwell on the past, though he may not seem like he does. He plans ahead and sets up prospects for the future, but I know that he usually refers to the past whenever he speaks of anything significant."

"Master Jaken, why do you think they fought?" Rin asked.

"I already told you, child, it was because the old Lord InuTaisho took a human mate," Jaken said.

"Well, yeah, but if Lord Sesshoumaru was raised by Lord InuTaisho, wouldn't the older demon have taught him to be tolerant of humans, if he was so willing to take one as a...what's a mate?" Rin stopped and blinked.

"A wife," Jaken supplied.

"Right, okay," Rin nodded. "So if he took a human as a wife, then he must have been accepting of humans. Why did Lord Sesshoumaru get into fights with him about it?" she asked questioningly.

"Well, I don't honestly know. I think I have an idea, but it's not proven," Jaken said.

"What do you think?" Rin asked curiously.

"My theory is this," Jaken began. "You know yourself that humans are far weaker than a demon such as Lord Sesshoumaru, correct?"

Rin nodded her agreement.

"It's very hard to imagine, but just try to think of a demon that's possibly even stronger than Lord Sesshoumaru-that would be his father," Jaken said. "Well, now imagine that he has a child with a human. Three things will happen-his blood will mix with that of a human, which will cause it to dilute and become much weaker. The child would be a halfdemon, hated by all the demons of the court-the humans too, for that matter. And aside from that, humans live much shorter lives than demons. Inuyasha lost his mother at a young age simply because she grew too old-demons and halfdemons age much more slowly than humans, which is why we are able to live for so long. Now do you see, Rin? It accomplished nothing when Lord InuTaisho took a human for a wife!"

"Oh," Rin's face softened as she looked back over at Sesshoumaru. "So he really wasn't arguing with him to be mean or disagreeable-he was just trying to make his father understand that he was making a mistake."

"I think so," Jaken nodded. "Don't take it too closely to heart, though," he warned. "I've no solid proof, Rin."

"Master Jaken-do you think that Lord Sesshoumaru will ever get along with Inuyasha?" she asked.

"I doubt it," Jaken scoffed. "At first, I thought he hated anything to do with humans. Apparently, I was led along like everyone else, because if he truly hated all humans, you wouldn't be around. So I began thinking that he simply hated the fact that his brother was a halfdemon. I think Inuyasha embodies a sort of painful reminder of what happened so very long ago, and he hates that he can't change the past. So he tried to get rid of the reminder, or at least vent out his frustration by fighting against it. I don't think he really hates Inuyasha so much as he just can't tolerate the memories that his presence incurs. But again, that's just speculation-and I wouldn't tell him any of this, if I were you. I know that I never let on to my ideas. He would deny it even if I were right, I think."

"Probably," Rin agreed absently as she looked over at the demon lord. She furrowed her brow thoughtfully, trying to digest all the new information she had just learned.

"So, do you think he would care about Inuyasha if he ever got over those feelings?" she asked without taking her eyes from Sesshoumaru's form.

"I don't know, Rin, I honestly don't know," Jaken said.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

"Sesshoumaru...isn't there anything that you would protect?" InuTaisho asked softly, his breath bated.

"Something to _protect_?" Sesshoumaru practically spat. "No, there is _nothing_ that I, Sesshoumaru, wish to _protect_."

InuTaisho had known, had felt all along that this would be his answer...and it almost tore him in two. He wished he could do something to change the boy's mind, but time was already running out for his mate and newborn child...and he left.

"Father...there is nothing that I, Sesshoumaru, wish to protect," the young demon repeated to himself, reasserting his statement. He turned and walked away from the bluff of the hill, not knowing that this would be the last time he saw his father alive.

_How did it all come to this? Father...it isn't worth it...I can't overlook this...don't you realize that you remain unforgiven? Do you even care? _

"Izayoi! Izayoi!" InuTaisho called, looking around frantically. There was a bothersome person in the way. What was his name? Takemaru? Who cared? InuTaisho sliced through his arm without hesitation.

"Izayoi!" InuTaisho looked at her, and his gaze hardened. "So, I'll have to use the Tenseiga..."

He drew his second sword, the sword of life, the heavenly fang...

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Okay, not really a terribly dramatic cliffy, but a sort of almost-cliffy just to keep the suspense going a bit. Next hcapter starts out in /-/-+ POV so take note of that. Please review! I always enjoy getting reviews! Anything welcome-criticism, commetns, suggestions, and yes even flames!


	15. Dreizehn,, Unforgiven II, Metallica

A/N: Okay, I know this is a short chapter, but I had to make it that way in order for it to work! Don't get mad at me! Please?

Thanks to everyone who read, thanks especially to everyone who reviewed, and thanks to all the crazy bands and groupies!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: Honestly, if I owned the characters, I could find much better things to do with them than write fanfictions...

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Chapter 13-Unforgiven II (Metallica)

**Black heart scarring darker still...yes, she'll be there when I'm gone...**

#-InuTaisho/Izayoi POV

"Tenseiga, don't let me down," InuTaisho whispered. He sliced through the demons from the underworld, waiting in tense silence for what seemed an eternity before the woman opened her eyes. He quickly pulled out his fire-rat kimono to shield her from the flames.

Takemaru stumbled in, bleeding and panting, enraged by the sight of the demon. Demanding a fight. The building was collapsing; not the best time for a fight, not at all...

"Izayoi...this child will be named Inuyasha," InuTaisho whispered.

"But..." Izayoi looked at him worriedly.

"Go. Live, live with Inuyasha. GO!" he commanded desperately. Izayoi turned and fled, heeding his words. She ran out, stopping only when she was a safe distance from the burning castle. She turned to look, just in time to see the fire flare menacingly, just in time to see the building collapse, surely devouring the two who were inside...surely killing them both...Izayoi looked down at the young child in her arms, the young Inuyasha...

He was all she had left of her husband, all she had...the fire-rat kimono, her son, and Sesshoumaru...

Would she still be unforgiven by the young demon who had hated her so? She knew that she would be.

Would her son be so despised by him, though? She had to know, she didn't want to know, but she knew anyway, she didn't have a clue...her thoughts swam through her head.

Yes, he probably would never forgive her...she would remain unforgiven_...will Inuyasha be unforgiven too?_

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Okay, so there you go. One of my shorter chapters, even though most of these chapters are short anyways, but I try to update this story very often, so you won't have to wait too long for the next chapter. Please review! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You make me so happy when you review! Any form of reviewing is welcome-critcism, suggestions, comments, demands, even flames!


	16. Vierzehn,, Cure My Tragedy, Cold

A/N: Sorry for updating late again! It's been hectic trying to get on the computer and do things lately, so please bear with me! I didn't get to reply to everyone's review, and I'm sorry for that, but I'll try to get to you next time if you review again. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad that most of you liked it!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha, this story would not be on a fanfiction site. It would be in the show, and you would be able to see it all happening before your very eyes, and I would make sure it had lots of nice videography on it-a good balance of colors and effects and such and so forth that make a video appealing. Unfortunately I can't, so you'll just have to picture it in your mind. Songs aren't mine either, but if you want to download them I highyl recommend BearShare (the free version). I can also make arrangements to e-mail songs to people, though this will usually take some time as I have a 10MB message file-size limit and roughly twenty-five to thirty songs tied up in this story, so don't expect me to be able to get it to you extremely quickly. Edits and cutouts for this fic also available, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I don't think anybody is still reading, but if you are, then I'm done, so you can read the story now. ;)

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Chapter 14-Cure My Tragedy (Cold)

_**#-Inuyasha POV**_

**I can't take this anymore, I can't feel this anymore...**

**----------------- **

_Why are halfdemons so different? Why are they hated by everyone? I'm not responsible for how I was born, I can't be held accountable for what my parents did or who they were...why do people hate me for it? Why can't I just be one or the other? _

Inuyasha mulled over his thoughts silently, perched up in a tree as he usually was on these cold nights. He looked at his hand briefly, wondering if he really was all that different. Sure, he wasn't as weak as humans, or even as powerful as some demons, but couldn't anyone just accept that? Why did the whole world have to look at him as if he were some sort of disease? Well, not the whole world-Kagome and the others didn't seem to mind...but they were a rarity, a select group of people that had no qualms about his heritage.

_What's wrong with being a halfdemon? Why can't everyone be like Kagome and the others? What's so bad about the fact that my mother and father weren't both humans or demons? Who cares?_

Inuyasha looked up mournfully at the night sky, seeking comfort in the light that shone from the moon. He stared at the pale orb longingly, wishing he could be up in the sky, away from the whole world and all of the reality that was in it.

_I can't take this anymore...this is why I want the jewel, this is why I want to be a full-fledged demon. Nobody cares if you're a full demon, and you can defeat anyone who doesn't like you. You don't have to worry about anything if you're a strong demon. But even if I were a human, that would be okay too...humans accept their own kind most of the time...humans don't have to worry about killing everyone they care about when they get too angry...I just wish I were one or the other, I just wish I wasn't a halfbreed...even my own brother hates me because of it...what did Kagome say the last time I talked about him? It's a tragedy, that's what she said. Well, so be it...maybe the jewel can cure my tragedy...maybe I can be happy after I get the jewel...maybe the jewel can change me, so I can be one or the other, so I can be accepted...that's all I want, I just want to be happy..._

-+-+-+-+-+

#-InuTaisho POV

**...won't you take and give her pain to me?**

**---------- **

_Izayoi...I'm so sorry, Izayoi...I won't be able to be there for you, for our son, for my little Sesshoumaru, for my little Inuyasha...I won't be able to watch his first step, I won't see their happy marriages..._

InuTaisho sought the powers of the Souunga within the sword's aura, looking at Takemaru with utter loathing.

_Don't take them from this world...please, just don't take them too...I'm going soon, I can feel it in my blood, in my bones, in my heart and soul...don't make this any worse...I won't be there for her, for my wife, or even for my two children...don't make this horrible for them...don't let the ailments of mourning ruin thier lives...cure my tragedy, let me die in peace, let them move on and live a good life..._

InuTaisho called forth the powers of his sword, growling furiously as he and Takemaru prepared to fight.

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Yay! This chapter is one of my personal favorites, and I enjoyed writing it. I tried to put Inuyasha into the thick of things as smoothly as possible, yet at the same time have him sort of jump on the bandwagon. I wanted it to make sense, but to be something new as well, and I think I did alright. Tell me what you think and please review! I love reading reviews and I try to reply as often as I have the time to, even if all I can say is a general 'thank-you', because I think it's just a very polite thing to do most of the time. I'm extremely sorry if I can't reply to your reviews, but it really has been busy lately and I don't have too much time on my hands, what with my schedule.

So anyways, drop me a review and tell me what you think! All forms of critcism, suggestions, flames, and praise are welcome, although unintelligent or illogical flames are prone to be handled at my sometimes-illogical discretion. You have been warned.


	17. Fünfzehn,, Burning Bright, Shinedown

A/N: Okay, I know, it's a short chapter again, but I'm trying to make this story make sense, unlike some of the other stories I have (most of which I decided to never post, fortunately for you and your not-so-warped minds...at least most of you anyways.) So, having siad that, I would like to thank all of my reviewers! You've been wonderful to me! I love reading the reviews, they make me so happy! Thank you so much!Okay, now to get on with the story...

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all non-original characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. This song and all non-original sons belong to their respective owners. I lay no claim to them, I only borrow, and with this disclaimer, that's legal, so don't sue me. Original characters, songs, and about hlaf of this storyline are all mine. You can use my original characters and any original songs, but please ask before attempting to use and/or build on my part of the storyline. Not that I won't let you; I would just like to see what you'd do with it. kk, I said enough-now that I'm done ranting, it's time for the chapter!

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Chapter 15-Burning Bright (Shinedown)

#-InuTaisho POV

**The more the dark consumes me, I pretend I'm burning bright...**

_------------------ _

_'InuTaisho, you can defeat him so easily...so very easily...let me help you defeat him, InuTaisho...'_

The Souunga throbbed with bloodthirst, wanting to taste the flesh of the mortal, wanting to devour Takemaru's soul. InuTaisho struggled to keep some control over the sword, struggled to ignore the enticing hiss of words in his ears. He couldn't give in to the sword-not now or ever. It would jump at the chance to overtake him, and he couldn't let that happen. Even if it cost his life, he couldn't allow Souunga to have control.

_I will not succumb to your powers, Souunga. I cannot allow you to control me-you would kill everyone and everything that I cared for, you would lay the lands to waste if I allowed you to take over. No, you will not control me-but I will finish him off with your blade, and you will taste the blood of a mortal as you so desire. I have no other choice..._

_Good, good, let us kill this mortal, let us spill his blood upon the ground as he screams in terror!_ the Souunga chuckled manically inside the dog-demon's head, making him cringe with the sound, though he didn't show it.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

-Sesshoumaru POV

**Some questions are better left unreasoned...**

--------------------

Sesshoumaru paused for a few seconds, wanting to ignore the tingle that shot up his spine. He chanced a quick, hesitant look over his shoulder, hoping his father had come back. Nobody stood at the cliff, however...

The young demon went over to the edge of the cliff carefully, looking down at the castle.

"Father, why is the castle burning bright?" Sesshoumaru whispered as he saw the smoke and flames.

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I know, it was short, but it did have a point. The next one is short again, I think, or at least there's a few short ones coming up soon enough, but I do try to update often, so you won't have to wait too long, hopefully. Please review with any somments or suggestions or anything else that you can write in a review! Reviews always make me so happy! Thanks to everyone who read and everyoen who reviewed! Byes for now!


	18. Sechzehn,, Prayer, Disturbed

A/N: I know, I know, short chapters can be a pain sometimes, but there is a point to all ov this. I'm posting two chapters this time, because the next chapter is REALLY SHORT. I don't think that the chpater itself is even 200 words! But it has a point to it, I assure you. I'm starting to update a bit slower than before because it's getting into the thick of things now, and I'm trying to keep the suspense up a little bit. Thanks to everyone who reads, especially thanks to everyone who reviews, and I hope you like:)

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own the songs or the characters, except for Juzume and her song, and I don't think she's in this chapters, but whatever. You can use her as a character is your stories, I really don't much care, but anywho, I still don't own Inu and co. Don't sue me.

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Chapter 16-Prayer (Disturbed)

**Another dream that will never come true just to compliment your sorrow...another life that I've taken from you, a gift to add on to your pain and suffering...**

**-------------------- **

"Father, you were almost dying when you went inside the castle..." Sesshoumaru whispered softly, looking down at the burning inferno. "Your wounds from Ryuukotsusei haven't had time to heal yet..."

The wind drove fiercely for a few seconds, whipping his hair around wildly. He pushed aside some of his hair, trying to see through the smoke and fire, ignoring the ashes that were already drifting upwards and stinging his eyes, trying to decipher any sign of his father's form inside the chaotic mess.

The wind whistled eerily, kicking up violently as he kept a steady gaze on the castle. It swirled about him crazily, trying to devour the young demon in a gusty storm. The light snow was caught up inside the whirlwind, a flurry that tried to blind his view, almost as if it were mocking his futile attempts to catch a glimpse of anything.

"Father...please, please, just be alright..." Sesshoumaru breathed out a prayer to the winds as he gazed down at the fire, his breath rising in a cloud of mist. The air suddenly quieted, rendering everything still and calm.

#-InuTaisho POV

**Another nightmare about to come true will manifest tomorrow...another love that I've taken from you, lost in time, on the edge of suffering...**

**----------------------- **

InuTaisho and Takemaru stared at each other for what seemed like ages, but must have been only a few seconds. Then, in a sudden swift action, they were facing each other, struggling to overpower the one who stood in front of them.

_Izayoi...Inuyasha...Sesshoumaru...please, please be alright...I hate to leave you like this, I hate to go when you need me, but I can't make it..._

And as the wood creaked and moaned and hissed in burning protest, InuTaisho closed his eyes and sent his prayer to heaven.

And as the beams fell heavily, he let the tears fall freely from his eyes, not caring if Takemaru was still fighting him, not caring if his enemy saw his weakness.

And when the building collapsed to the ground, he yielded up his soul to follow his prayer to the skies.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

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Okay, next chapter-REALLY SHORT. Please review! Anything accepted, but unintelligent flames are prone to intelligent replies.


	19. Siebzehn,, Do You Call My Name, Ra

A/N: Not much to say here but thanks to all reviewers! This is an extremely short chapter but it's here for a reason. I updated two at a time so that you didn't have to read just one little paragraph the next time I updated. Anyways, here you go.

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: Don't own, so don't sue me. Got it? Good. Now read!

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Chapter 17-Do You Call My Name (Ra)

**So you just sit there, stuck, afraid to risk reality...afraid to cause yourself more pain, to face insanity...**

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Sesshoumaru felt his heart skip a few beats. He knew something had gone wrong, something had gone terribly wrong...he raced towards the castle, his heart pounding in his chest, his eyes blurry...

"FATHER! FATHER!" he shrieked, not caring whether or not he had just fought with him, not caring whether or not he had argued with him, not caring...not caring whether he had a child with a human...

InuTaisho weakly opened his eyes, seeing his son frantically searching through the flames and ashes and smoke.

"He no longer needs me," InuTaisho whispered to himself. "He's a grown man, if a bit young still...why do you call my name, Sesshoumaru? You should rely on yourself...I cannot help you anymore..."

And InuTaisho, the legendary Lord of the West, the Great Demon himself, the unstoppable incarnation of might and power-InuTaisho died at that moment, taking his question to the grave with him.

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YAY! I got it up! So happy! Please tell me what you think by reviewing! Thank you all readers and reviewers! You make me so happy!


	20. Achtzehn,, Remember, Disturbed

A/N: Thanks so much to all my reviewers! Reviews mean so much to me! Okay, not much else to say here-except that this sort of shifts somewhere from reality to a dream. It's both a memory and a dream-or should I say nightmare...well, hope you enjoy!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of those characters-I own Juzume. That's it. And she isn't even in this chapter. Don't sue.

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Chapter 18-Remember (Disturbed)

**Sensation washes over me, I can't describe it...pain I felt so long ago, I don't remember...**

"FATHER!" Sesshoumaru searched frantically for his father, scanning the area, trying to see through the smoke and debris.

The scent of blood...

Everywhere. All over the ground, in the air, carried by the very smoke. The scent of burning flesh filled his nose, making him almost choke whenever he took a breath.

"FATHER!" Sesshoumaru blindly pushed forward through the smoldering heap, ignoring the thick scents that threatened to make him pass out, ignoring the sharp sting in his eyes, ignoring the scent of blood...so much blood...it smelled like his father's blood...

"FATHER! FATHER!" he shrieked desperately, his voice growing hoarse. "Come on, Father...stop toying around, it isn't funny..." Sesshoumaru whispered. "It's not funny..."

_He's dead. He's really dead. His scent is covered in death. I can smell him, but he's dead. Dead dead dead dead dead dead oh Kami no please he can't be dead yes yes he's dead no no don't tell me he's dead he can't be dead this is FATHER he just doesn't die but he's dead he's really dead he's dead this time and you weren't there to save him you should have been there but what could you do you didn't know he would die but he did and now he's dead and he can't come back he's dead you'll never talk to him again you'll never see him again you'll never get to apologize to him for everything you did he's dead now he's dead dead dead dead dead..._

Sesshoumaru fell to his knees, dropping the sword that he had held loosely. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his eyes, but it was futile. He shook violently, his body wanted to fall over...

"No, Father, you can't be dead..." he sobbed, trying to contain his tears. "You're not dead..."

_Stop denying it he's dead why won't you just admit it he couldn't have survived that nobody could survive that he's dead you can smell the death on him but why why did he have to die I never got a chance to say I was sorry I never got a chance to make it up to him I didn't get to tell him that I loved him I didn't get to say goodbye no no this is all wrong he can't die on me now Father you can't die I need you I NEED YOU please don't die on me please I need you Father I need you to be here I need you to be alive I need to tell you that I love you that I'm sorry that I never meant for it to be like this that I love you just like you always loved me please Father come back don't leave me like this I won't make it without you Father please just come back you can't be dead I need you I want to make it up to you I want to tell you I'm sorry I love you please I didn't even get to say goodbye..._

"Father..." Sesshoumaru whispered softly, his breath misting in front of him like a tiny cloud.

Something caught his eye, and the demon turned to look as an orb of light drifted slowly upwards, ascending to the heavens quickly. He saw the Tatarrimokke pause to glance at the orb, then dismiss it and move over to call the souls of the children that had once resided at the castle, the boys that had been recruited to defend the place even though they were at the young ages of ten or twelve.

_The Tatarrimokke...that was a soul, but it wasn't the soul of a child...the Tatarrimokke is calling souls that means everyone here is dead dead just like...just like Father...that was Father...that was the only soul from the burning building...the only soul that had to be Father...no not him no he can't be dead..._

"You're going to be next," a voice snarled angrily. Sesshoumaru whirled around frantically, just in time to see a nightmarish form of a black dragon coming straight for him, only inches from his face, opening it's gaping jaws and trying to swallow him whole...it was the Souunga, he realized in horror.

"My nightmare from so long ago...I remember," he whispered right before his mind froze.

The sound of crushing bone and a horrible pain in his skull, and then blackness took his mind...

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

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Yeah, I know, it was horrible. Tell me how horrible it was anyways. I'm in a strange mood today-or should I say a strange mood swing. I keep going back and forth. Don't pay too much attention to my mood.

Well anyways, I hope you liked it! Please review! Anything accepted, though unitelligent flames are subject to my temper. You have been warned-but don't let it stop you! I like all reviews! So please, please, PLEASE review!


	21. Neunzehn,, Forest, System of A Down

A/N: Okay, so my updates are slowing down. There's a reason for this. It's simple... ... ... I want them to. Every other day, maybe every two days right now, I'm going to update this fic. I want to keep the suspense up, and work out a few little details in my last two or three chapters. I currently have about twenty-seven chapters finished, and about thirty total when I'm done. So anyways, the updates will be coming every other day or every two days. I know that people like regualr updates, but I don't want the story to be over with too quickly.

Thanks for all the reviews everyone! I have 60 right now! Yay! That makes me so happy! Thank you thank you thank you!

kk, here we go again-

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu&co. I won Juzume, that's it, and she isn't in this chapter, so don't sue me. I don't own the songs either.

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Chapter 19-Forest (System of A Down)

**Why can't you see that you are my child?**

Sesshoumaru awoke with a start, nearly jumping three feet into the air. He was panting roughly, his breath coming in jagged gasps as he forced air into his burning lungs. His eyes were narrowed to a needlepoint, so narrow that he couldn't focus on anything, so narrow that the black of his eyes looked like a tiny speck in a vast canvas of golden and amber hues...

"Master Jaken, he woke up," Rin announced quietly, nudging the sleeping imp on his shoulder. Jaken blinked drowsily before her words registered in his mind. He jumped up with a start, then looked over at Sesshoumaru in concern. It had been nearly two full days since Sesshoumaru had awoken, and the girl and the imp had been worried. Jaken frowned uncomfortably as he realized that Sesshoumaru must have had a horrible nightmare. He was panting for breath, his eyes unfocused and seeming almost glazed over...

"Rin, be careful," Jaken whispered as he saw the girl edge closer to Sesshoumaru. "If he's still asleep..."

Rin looked back at the imp and hesitated, then looked over at Sesshoumaru. She took in a deep breath and moved forward cautiously, reaching out her hand tentatively. She drew closer to him, but when she was only a few feet away, he growled angrily. She stopped and backed up a step, and his growling ebbed away. She took a step forward again, and he started once more. She sighed and gave up on it; he wasn't awake yet-at least, not awake enough to realize who she was.

"Master Jaken, how much longer will it be until he wakes up?" Rin pouted unhappily as she plopped down beside the imp with a heavy sigh.

"I'm not quite sure, Rin," Jaken said.

Sesshoumaru vaguely heard them, somehow registered that his name had been spoken and that they seemed to be worried, and his mind slowly began clearing the heavy fog that shrouded his thoughts. He shook his head violently, hoping to shake away the lightheadedness. He blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust to the bright sun. He carefully took a few long, deep breaths before finally looking over at Rin and Jaken.

Meanwhile, the two had noticed his sudden actions and were looking at him as well, their worry written all over their features. Sesshoumaru knew that they were worried about him for some reason, though he didn't know exactly why. He tilted his head slightly sideways in thought, and Rin noticed his contemplative expression.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, you must have been tired," Rin began carefully, hesitant to bring up anything that might have been uncomfortable for him. She knew he'd had nightmares-and for Sesshoumaru to react in such a way to the nightmares, they must have been horrible.

"Why do you say that?" Sesshoumaru asked, the hairs on the back of his neck bristling.

"You were asleep for a while," Rin responded noncommittally, shifting her gaze to a flower that suddenly seemed much more interesting than the present conversation.

"How long was I asleep?" Sesshoumaru asked, knowing that she was being evasive.

"Almost two days," she replied quietly.

Sesshoumaru remained silent after that, leaning back slowly to look up at the branches of the tree. He pondered carefully, trying to decide what he was supposed to think about this. He idly wondered if Inuyasha had ever experienced anything of the sort; perhaps it was a dog-demon thing?

"You think an awful lot about your brother, for one hates him so," the voice said mockingly. "Of course, you know better, don't you?" it chuckled before fading away again. Sesshoumaru frowned and said nothing.

_I know better? What's that supposed to mean?_

"Let's make a deal," the voice appeared again, quietly enticing him. He inclined his head as if listening, and the voice seemed to know that, because it spoke again.

"You don't have to tell anyone about any of this-of course, it would help. Yes, I said you should talk to Rin and Jaken. It's always nice to talk. But no, you're not like that. So don't talk, if it suits you. But you at least need some time alone. At least do that. Take a week or so to rest in the forest-old Bokuseno wouldn't mind lending his shade. You graced his branches often enough as a pup-I'm sure he wouldn't mind a visit. I won't bother you if you choose one or the other-not for a long while, at least. But don't take that too close to heart-your memories are still going to come. I'm not the one that's bringing them-no, that's all you."

"So you admit that you're not really me?" Sesshoumaru picked up the subtle hint.

"Of course I'm you. I already told you that. But that doesn't mean that I'm not someone else, either. I'm a small little messenger sent from the nethers, not quite another realm but not quite this one either. Not heaven or hell or earth, but somewhere along when the sky meets the earth and the sea meets the depths of hell. I'm everywhere at once, yet never here. But I'm always present, and always absent."

"These riddles are becoming bothersome," Sesshoumaru sighed. "So you've been sent to me, for some purpose-who sent you?"

"Well, that would be telling, now wouldn't it?" the voice giggled slightly. "Just trust me as you would yourself-for without your guilt and regret, without your sadness and fear and pain, I cannot reach you, cannot touch you, cannot do or say anything to you. Once you conquer your past, you can be rid of me for good. And in the meantime, I cannot pose you any physical harm-which likewise means that you cannot destroy me with any physical means. You'll have to confront your own feelings before you can defeat me."

"Pest," Sesshoumaru snarled a bit angrily.

"Consider my suggestion," the voice whispered gently and echoed before evaporating like a fine mist.

Rin and Jaken were staring worriedly at Sesshoumaru, wondering why he was talking to himself yet again. They had not asked, but Sesshoumaru knew that they were concerned about his sanity. He wasn't sure that he himself was confident about his mental stability anymore, honestly.

"I'm going," he said after about ten minutes. "I'll be gone for a while. Stay here if you can. Should you be attacked by a demon that proves too powerful for you, then find an ally to assist you."

"Yes, my Lord!" Jaken nodded firmly. Sesshoumaru stood and began walking off, heading in the direction that he knew the old tree-demon was. It would take him about half the day to get there, and he had no idea how long he would stay.

"Well, you made a wise choice," the voice reappeared. "Going to Bokuseno's forest, eh?"

Sesshoumaru didn't answer. The voice seemed to sigh as it left, and as Sesshoumaru walked, he was assaulted by another memory. He stiffened and shut his eyes as he began to recall it.

_Oh Kami, not this one...can't we just skip this memory? Please, don't make me remember this one..._

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

"Sesshoumaru-kun..." Izayoi hesitantly approached him. He was sitting in his bedroom, his chest and right arm bandaged tightly to help his broken bones heal properly. He had just been in another rather violent fight with his father, and he had cracked four of his ribs and his arm.

"I need none of your sympathy, none of your services, none of your words, nor anything else that you presume to offer or provide. I also require no reprimands, lectures, or arguments. I've already been adequately supplied with those by my father, as you can plainly see. Your presence is not necessary," he said coolly.

"Sesshoumaru, please, just hear me out for a minute," Izayoi pleaded. Sesshoumaru glared at her coldly for a long two minutes, then inclined his head slightly, giving her leave to speak.

"Your father is troubled by the recent...dissension...between the two of you. And I know that you don't like me. But can't you be happy for your father? I know that you don't like me, but I will be gone in a passing moment of your lifetime. Your father does not wish for me to leave, and though I know that you despise me, I would be unable to abandon him unless he were willing to let me go. Can you not understand?" she asked gently.

Sesshoumaru's gaze hardened for a moment, calculating and intense. He finally softened his glare, turning his cold look into an almost sympathetic expression-which surprised Izayoi.

"My father is more stubborn than a jackass. He would never let anything go if he was determined enough to keep it. No, he was always fiercely possessive. But he failed once-he failed to save my mother, even though he had Tenseiga. He said that he could only save one of us-if not for Tenseiga, then both my mother and I would be dead now. He said he chose to save me, because she would have wanted it that way. I always found that hard to believe, but I suppose some things can't be changed. If he's in love with you, then I suppose there's nothing I can do but wait for you to die off. It's sad, really-he's trying to replace a void that he never should have had in the first place. He should have been able to save my mother. I never knew her," he said softly, turning to gaze out the window with an unreadable expression on his face. Izayoi felt a wave of suppressed sadness from him, though he certainly made no visible sign of such.

"Oh, Sesshoumaru-kun...you may not like me-you may go so far as to hate me, perhaps-but I cannot help but care for you. You are the son of the man that I love, and I cannot simply dote on him without caring for his family. Sesshoumaru-kun...why can't you see that you are my child?" she asked softly.

Sesshoumaru snapped his head around to gaze at her once more, and he stared at her for a very long while. He finally huffed and looked out the window again, making his reply unreadable. Izayoi sighed and walked out of the room, leaving him to his own thoughts once again.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

By the time Sesshoumaru had finished with his reverie, he was standing near Bokuseno's forest. He knew not how he had gotten there, because he didn't remember moving at all-but he had gotten there awfully fast. He must have flown, he realized, or perhaps transformed into a sphere of light. He shook his head and cleared his thoughts as best he could, then bravely entered the forest to seek Bokuseno.

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Yay! This is one of my longer chapters, though probably not the longest...

Anyways, please review! It makes me so very happy when people review! Anything accepted-suggestions, comments, questions, and even flames!


	22. Zwänzig,, Immortal, Adema

A/N: EEEP! It took me so long to update this time! I'm sorry! Well anywho, I don't have much to say. Fortunately for all of you, this story is already just about finished, so the chapters are already nicely written. My brain is about fried right now, at least for this story. I'm totally blank as far as this fic goes right now, so it's good that I've already written most of it. So anyways, thanks so much to all of my readers, and thanks even more to my reviewers! You guys make me so happy!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own any character except for Juzume, nor do I own any song except for the one Juzume sang. And, later...well I don't want to give it away. Read and find out. Er, well, it isn't in this chapter...bleh, nevermind. Ugh. Ignore me. I'm braindead right now. -pokes greyish-pink mass of brain cells-

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Chapter 20-Immortal (Adema)

**I'm not afraid to die, my soul will travel on...**

Sesshoumaru walked through the forest slowly, taking his time to find the old magnolia tree. Truthfully, he wasn't sure he wanted to come to the forest. After all, it was pretty close to the old castle...

"Well, if it isn't Lord Sesshoumaru," a massive voice boomed out through the forest.

"So, you noticed me, Bokuseno," Sesshoumaru greeted neutrally. He took a few more steps, stopping a few feet in front of the tree. A face materialized from the bark, blinking it's heavy eyes and looking at him.

"Have you a question for me?" the tree asked. "I've heard of nothing new happening, besides your constant feud with your brother. Tell me, what seems to trouble you? You look haggard."

"How so?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"Have you seen your reflection lately?" Bokuseno chuckled. "You look half my age!"

"Huh," Sesshoumaru scoffed, running his hand through his hair in exasperation. "Let's just say that some old memories that I thought were long-dead have come back from thier graves."

"Sit down, pup. Talk to me as you did when you were a child. I am still here," the old demon soothed.

"I am no longer a pup," Sesshoumaru said idly as he sat down anyways.

"You will always be a pup compared to me," Bokuseno said firmly. "Now tell me what's been bothering you."

"I have a question first," Sesshoumaru said. "I've been hearing a voice lately..."

"Say nothing more," Bokuseno chuckled. "A voice from the nethers, neither from heaven nor hell, that brings about your past and forces you to deal with it, that claims to be your own thoughts? I know well enough about it, Lord Sesshoumaru. It is harmless to your body, destructive for your emotional stability, and it always tells the truth. It is always sent, but can never be called upon by evil. Usually, the gods themselves will commision it, but sometimes spirits of the past will require it's services. You can never tell who sent it unless it tells you itself. Does that answer your question?"

"You enjoy knowing everything, don't you?" Sesshoumaru teased weakly.

"Of course," Bokuseno smirked. Both of them knew that the old tree didn't know everything, but he knew pretty much anything that he was asked, which was close enough.

"I've been having nightmares...and memories..." Sesshoumaru started a bit uncomfortably.

"Come here, pup," Bokuseno said gently. "Do not forget how you lay at my roots and played in my branches when you were a bumbling toddler. I will not have you so hesitant to seek comfort when I know you are in need of it."

"I keep telling you, I'm not a pup anymore," Sesshoumaru protested.

"Pups are not the only ones ever in need of comfort," Bokuseno informed him.

Sesshoumaru sighed wearily and gave up on the idle argument, then moved over to prop himself against the tree heavily. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, then began his story.

"Well, about a week ago..."

Sesshoumaru finished just as night fell, then looked up at the old tree carefully.

"Hmm," Bokuseno would have nodded thoughtfully if he was able. "Seems like you need to come to terms with your past, my Lord. It does you no good to brood or dwell, nor does it do you any good to hide your feelings behind a thousand masks. You cannot live in your own world forever."

"What should I do, Bokuseno?" Sesshoumaru asked softly, troubled.

"You remind me of your father," Bokuseno remarked idly. "So intense and fierce, trying your best to be something that you are not. And whether you deny it, your brother resembles him too. I suppose the old Lord really is immortal," the tree sighed. "He may have died in body, but his soul has traveled on. He still breathes within you and your brother, and in that, he is truly will be immortal. For you will live within your children, as will Inuyasha, and your father will carry on through each generation, until the end of time itself."

"Heh," Sesshoumaru shook his head lightly. "How profoundly philosophical. That doesn't answer my question."

"You haven't heard all I was going to say," Bokuseno chided mildly. "You are like your father in other ways, my young pup. For whether you admit it or not-and I know you don't-you do care for him."

"For who?" Sesshoumaru scoffed. "I cared for Father, yes, but he's dead now."

"That was not who I was refering to," Bokuseno said. "You care for Inuyasha."

"Impossible!" Sesshoumaru lied. "What makes you think that?"

"I can tell when you are lying, Sesshoumaru. I haven't known you all this time just to be fooled by your denial. It works well with others, but you cannot pull the wool over my eyes."

Sesshoumaru scoffed and looked to the side thoughtfully.

"I suppose I don't want to kill him," he finally admitted quietly.

"It goes further than that," Bokuseno sighed. "He reminds you of your father too, doesn't he?"

Sesshoumaru sighed in resignation. He couldn't hide anything from the old tree-demon.

"He does," the dog-demon admitted finally. "He looks like father, he sounds like father, he acts like father...he may not be as refined, but that's only due to his upbringing. Or lack of it after his mother died, I suppose. But he has that pride, that sense of justice, that fierceness and intensity, all of that-and he has the same heart. I don't know how he can give those humans a chance for his friendship after everything that humans have done to him, but he does. He cares for them. And even the demons that travel with him-he's been so mistreated, it's a wonder he can trust anyone. Father was the same way-always forgiving of people. He's just like Father."

"And it bothers you?" Bokuseno asked gently, though his question was really more of a statement.

"It does," Sesshoumaru sighed. "I wish...I wish he knew, Bokuseno. I really wish he knew he was like Father, I wish he knew that I cared. But he doesn't, and he never will. Even if I told him, do you think he'd believe me?"

"That would be a question for you to judge the answer to," Bokuseno said. "I cannot tell you whether he would care or not, for it is not my place to divulge information as such. I will not interfere with Fate."

"Thanks," Sesshoumaru scoffed sarcastically.

"I wish I could help you more, pup," Bokuseno said sincerely. "But you must choose your path by yourself. I cannot tell you the outcome even if I know, for you would base your decision on my dictum. No, you must go blindly into the path you follow, though I hate to make it hard for you. You must deal with this yourself, I cannot do it for you. I can only help so much-even if I were capable of holding your hand, I wouldn't," the tree chided lightly.

"I know," Sesshoumaru nodded wearily. "You know about that night, don't you?" he asked carefully.

"The night after your father died? Yes, I know," Bokuseno soothed. "You grew up too quickly, child. Your life is longer than the breaths you've taken, older than the summers you've seen."

"I can't count how many times I wish I would have been able to take it back," Sesshoumaru said softly. "How many times I wish I would have just left and never come back. I can't go back now, but by the gods...I wish I could, Bokuseno. I truly wish I could change everything that happened..."

"It's not too late yet," Bokuseno said. "You can still right a few of the wrongs. Some things cannot be changed, true, but others can. If you are willing to take a chance and risk it, you may or may not find liberation."

"You're not making this easier," Sesshoumaru grumbled.

"I never intended to," Bokuseno stated calmly.

"Well, I'm grateful that you've at least listened," Sesshoumaru said, getting ready to leave.

"Not so fast, pup," Bokuseno said. Sesshoumaru glanced at the tree expectantly.

"What?"

"You need rest," Bokuseno scolded lightly. "And you won't leave until you've gotten sufficient sleep."

"Conniving bastard. You know you can keep me here, don't you?" Sesshoumaru feigned anger.

"Yes. Now sleep, child. I will watch," Bokuseno assured him. Sesshoumaru sighed and gave up on the argument-it was usually pointless to try and argue with the old demon anyways. He almost never won.

Sesshoumaru settled down comfortably at the base of the tree, resting on the soft petals that Bokuseno had shed from his flowers, making a comfortable bed. Bokuseno swayed his branches slowly, rustling the leaves in a sort of peaceful rhythm, creating a subtle, soothing lullaby that calmed the dog-demon's frayed nerves and gently induced him into a dreamless sleep.

"He's just like his father," Bokuseno said quietly to himself. "Your question is answered, my Lord, though you realize it not...one demon truly can be immortal...just as your father is, for he breathes within you..."

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Okay, so what does everyone think? Good, okay, horrible, made you gag, what? Any questions? Comments? Desire to randomly type a bunch of letters just for the hell of it? Obsessed with clicking the buttons? Then you can reveiw! It always makes me so happy when people review! So please, please, please review! Thanks ot everyone who has reviewed before! You guys make me so happy! ;)


	23. Einzwänzig, So Cold, Breaking Benjamin

A/N: Okay, I'm over at a relative's house, but fortunately this chapter was already imported into my document queue, so that's good. But it also means that I have to make my authornotes pretty short. So, thanks to everyone who's reading, thanks especially to reviewers, and enjoy! Um, to all anonymous reviewers: I'll put in a special notes section at the top on mynext chapter to reply. To all signed reviewers: Review replies will be a little late due to the fact that time is a factor while I'm at a relative's house.

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own. Don't sue me.

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Chapter 21-So Cold (Breaking Benjamin)

**Wise men wonder while strong men die...**

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Sesshoumaru stood atop the cliff that he had so often visited, wondering what had happened so long ago.

_Father should have been strong enough to make it...why did he die? He should have been able to make it out in time...did he pause to think? Did he even realize he could have escaped?_

"Father, you were never too wise when it came to love," Sesshoumaru said to the winds. He looked up longingly at the moon, remembering the night that it had eclipsed. _A wise man would have known the darkening of the moon to be a bad omen, a wise man would understand the consequences of staying in a burning castle to fight..._

_But a strong man would have braved the dangers, would have rescued his love, would have risked everything for his honor and pride...would have risked everything for his family._ And Sesshoumaru hated that fact. He hated the fact that his father had chosen to be strong instead of wise, had chosen pride over his own safety, had chosen to die instead of escape. He hated it, because he knew he would have done the same thing, yet he knew that he would have been thinking the same things he was thinking now. He knew his father had contemplated escape, he knew his father had been wise, but he knew that he had been strong too, and too proud to run away from a fight. Sesshoumaru was the same way.

"Why is it that the wise wonder as the strong die?" Sesshoumaru asked himself idly, looking over the lands.

He knew the answer, though. He knew the answer, and though it pained him to admit it, he knew that he would be like his father one day, that he would be wise but strong, and he would choose strength over wisdom, and it would cost him. He knew it, and he hated it, but he accepted it as a fact.

The chill wind seemed to kick up fiercely in concurrence with him tumultous thoughts, rendering the night cold.

_So cold...just like that night, when Father died..._

A single snowflake fell as he thought this, landing softly on his nose as he watched it drift down. He scoffed lightly at the uncanny irony of that; what a mockery.

"Right above my nose-just like that night, when it was all in front of me, yet I couldn't see past my own narrow thoughts. How very similar," he said out loud. Sesshoumaru gazed at the lands a bit longer, then turned from the cliff purposefully, and a bit sorrowfully, wondering when his day would come.

It started to snow, the night becoming colder.

_It was so cold that night..._

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#-Inuyasha POV

**You're so cold but you feel alive...**

_Even my own brother hates me...the one person I have left from my family, and he hates me...he's so cold, so cruel and unfeeling...why does he hate me? Because I'm a halfbreed? Because I have human blood? I don't want to hate him, I don't want him to hate me, I really don't...how can he live like that? How can he stay alive without any emotions or feelings but anger and hate? How does he do it? If only I could be one or the other, then maybe he wouldn't hate me so much...maybe he wouldn't be that way..._

Inuyasha shook his head and tried to clear his thoughts, willing them away. It didn't work.

A single image of his brother flicked across his vision so swiftly that it was like a flash of lightning, there one second and gone the next, but leaving such a fiercely memorable impression as to take one's breath.

_It looked like there was a lot of snow..._

Inuyasha shook his head again.

_Sesshoumaru...huh, just like the snow, aren't you? How can you be so cold, brother?_

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Ok, you know what I always say here. Not enough time to write it out, byez for now!


	24. Zweizwänzig,, Stricken, Disturbed

A/N: Okay, not much to say here. Um, lemme see...here we go.

laura: sorry for what? Um, oh well, whatever you did or think you did, I don't mind. Glad you enjoy this story!

liz: Yes, yes, I know. I'm sorry about that, with the German numbers and all. didn't let me put the entire title in-I was two letters short, so I had to cut that part out. I'm going to continue doing that, even though I hate it, for the simple fact that I already did one that way. I mean, it would look strange to have one say, for example, "Neun**und**zwänzig", while another says "Seibenzwänzig." I'm sorry for the improper usage, and I truly do hate it myself, but it's an unavoidable necessity. I hope you undrstand and forgive me for my atrocity. And thanks for the compliment! I'm glad you like the story! -smiling-

All other anonymous reviewers: Well you all said the same thing, along the general lines of liking the story, and I'm horrible at remembering names, so I'll just say thank you right here to everyone! THANK YOU!

Thanks to everyone who reads this story! You're all so wonderful! You make me so happy!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or anything else that Rumiko Takahashi created. Most of the story is mone, some of the ideas are borrowed from what I know of the third movie (as many of you can tell). I still haven't seen the third movie yet but I've read enough sumaries and seen lots of AMV's and acquired many clips which I use in my own AMV's, so I have a pretty good idea of what happens anyways. I still want to see the third movie but I'll just have to make do with what I have for now (sigh). I also don't own the songs that are used as the chapter titles. No suing me.  
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Chapter 22-Stricken (Disturbed)

**When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know that I am stricken by all that you've done...**

#-Inuyasha POV

Inuyasha gazed out at the rising sun mournfully, wondering why the night had to end so soon. He had been so absorbed by his own thoughts that he'd scarcely realized the passage of time. The half-demon had been busy thinking about his brother...

_Why the hell do I have to think about him so damn much all of a sudden? _Inuyasha mentally pouted to himself._ I don't usually spare him a thought, much less dwell on everything like it's a goddamn shame! To hell with the bastard, that stupid...stupid evil...brother of mine..._

Inuyasha's mental curses faltered, his mind unwilling to listen to his anger for some reason or other. Inuyasha stopped, confusing himself momentarily.

_I guess he isn't technically a bastard...and he's not really evil if he can put up with that stupid toad and that funny little girl all the time. And much as I hate to admit it, he ain't stupid...dammit all though, why does it have to be my goddamn brother that hates me the most! Is his heart really that cold? _Inuyasha growled angrily to himself, not realizing that he did so.

"Fuckin' jackass..." Inuyasha muttered unhappily to himself, caught between utter hateful loathing and complete sulking depression.

"Fuckin' son of a bitch thinks the whole goddamn world owes him everything just cause old Pops keeled over and now he's the new Lord of the West...too good for a fuckin' halfbreed, is he? Fuckin' figures. The only goddamn family I've got, and he fuckin' hates me so much he wants to kill me. Goddamn wonderful," Inuyasha snarled to himself, unaware of the fact that he was talking to himself out loud. Fortunately for him, none of his companions were awake yet.

Inuyasha sighed in frustration as he hopped down from his perch in the high branches of a tree, rudely waking up Miroku and Sango, then taking a bit more care in waking Kagome and Shippou-though not much at that.

"Come on, you morons, let's get going," Inuyasha said impatiently as the group roused from slumber.

"Don't you want to eat breakfast, Inuyasha?" Kagome yawned sleepily, digging through her pack.

"I'm not hungry," Inuyasha said, turning to look off into the distance anxiously, his senses keen. He felt like something was going to happen soon, something strange...he wasn't sure if he liked the feeling.

"It's Ramen," Kagome taunted.

"I said I'm not hungry," Inuyasha growled and stalked off, leaning against a tree and closing his eyes.

"Hey, Inuyasha, are you okay?" Shippou asked worriedly. The others looked over in concern as well-Inuyasha NEVER refused Ramen, even if he were sick.

"I'm fine," Inuyasha sighed. "Just be quick about eating and let's get going already, huh?" he said, keeping his eyes closed. The others shook their heads and looked at him worriedly, but went about eating anyways. Soon the group was on the path again, inevitably hoping to find a jewel shard or perhaps catch wind of Naraku.

"Inuyasha, something's bugging you," Shippou noticed quietly as he hopped up onto the halfdemon's shouder, whispering in his ear.

"It ain't none of your business," Inuyasha snapped quietly. Shippou sighed heavily and hung his head in defeat.

But something about the fox struck Inuyasha, and he glanced sideways at his small companion.

_He's worried, _Inuyasha realized._ He's worried, which means he actually gives a damn...Sesshoumaru was a little kid once, he must've been innocent at some point in his life...what could have turned him into such an emotionless brick wall? What could have stricken him so close to make his heart so unfeeling?_

"Well, I hope you get better, whatever it is," Shippou grumbled and hopped back over to Kagome's bike, propping himself inside the basket comfortably.

_Hope...does Sesshoumaru hope anymore? I know I try not to...keh, stupid fool, _he chided himself._ I still hope, yeah, but I wonder if he does anymore. Or maybe I should be wondering if there's any hope for him anymore...with such a cold heart, he's gonna die a very lonely death when his time comes..._

For some reason, the thought made Inuyasha uncomfortable. His ears twitched uneasily.

_With such a cold heart, there's no hope of any friends to be there for you...and we know that I'm scarred by you, you stupid bastard. The only family you have left...and I won't even be allowed to feel sorry if you go and die on me. I won't be allowed to care, because you don't care, so I can't...why?_ Inuyasha asked his question silently, looking over towards the west longingly.

-Sesshoumaru POV

**You'll never know how your face has haunted me, my very soul has to bleed this time...Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses, leaving me breathless...**

"Had a good rest, pup?" Bokuseno chuckled quietly as Sesshoumaru blinked drowsily.

"Bokuseno," Sesshoumaru stated calmly, allowing himself time to wake up. He was fully awake about five minutes later, and he looked up at the tree quietly.

"Termites again?" Bokuseno asked with a sigh. It had been Sesshoumaru's own joke when he was a child; nobody else would have truly understood the reference.

Sesshoumaru smirked.

"No, just a few birds, old Bokuseno," he said with a weak smile as he stood up. "I'm going now."

"Alright," Bokuseno agreed. "Sesshoumaru..." the tree-demon stopped hesitantly. Sesshoumaru turned around and looked at him expectantly.

"Only do what you think is best," Bokuseno finished. "Now get going!" the tree said in a mock-angry voice.

"Heh," Sesshoumaru grinned, heeding the old demon nonetheless. He walked away calmly, and not until he was far out of sight did Bokuseno realize that he had gone off in a different direction than he had come from.

"Sesshoumaru...why do you visit the grounds of your Father's passing? It only causes you pain..."

Sesshoumaru stopped a few hundred yards from a patch of open land, gazing out over the field thoughtfully.

_This is where Father died, right here..._Sesshoumaru thought as he started walking. _And Inuyasha was born right here, only a few scant steps away...Izayoi was dead, but Father brought her back to life. _

Sesshoumaru looked up, seeing the sloped cliff that he had so often visited in the far distance, a mere shelf from here.

_That was where Father stood when he talked to me, and I stood right behind him...I thought that taking his swords from him would be the only way to stop him...what a fool I was back then..._

Sesshoumaru stood there quietly, contemplating something deep in the recesses of his mind for a while before finally turning away. He headed back towards the direction he had left his companions, giving one final thought to his father's last stand.

_And after all was said and done, he was stricken down anyways._

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So, what do you think? Please review and let me know! It makes me so happy when people review! Even if you hate me, I would still enjoy reading your review! Well maybe not if you HATE me, but you can still review anyways, because that's the joy of reviewing! I would love to hear any comments, criticism, and even flames. However, flames are subject to my erratic temper, so you've been warned. Of course you don't have to read anything if I go and get mad at you so that's perfectly fine! So please review! You'd make me very happy! -insert appropriate smiley or emoticon here-


	25. Dreizwänzig,, If I Die Tomorrow, M Crüe

A/N: Okay, not too much to say here, except that I'm currently very mad at fanfiction-dot-net. They took down my other story, "Storms", and I'm pretty f---in' pissed about it. Hence the very extremely long delay in updating, which I'm terribly sorry for. But I won't rant here; it would take up too much space. Let's just say that I almost had to buy a new computer mouse because of my insufferable indiscrimination when I threw the nearest random throwable object in my rage. Oh, by the way, if anyone out there was copying, printing, saving my story "Storms" in any way, I would sincerely appreciate if you sent me a copy! I wrote that story a bit carelessly-I uploaded virtually blank documents, and just started typing, without ever thinking to keep a backup copy. I would love you if you did! I doubt anyone did that but if you did then please, please, please, I'm begging you, please send me a copy!

Thanks so much to all readers and reviewers! You're all so wonderful! Yay! You make me so much happier! It was actually all the reviews that kept me from going berserk and totally bashing my computer after they took down my fic! I'm serious, you guys are lifesavers! Thank you so much!

Well, now I'll get to the story and whatnot.

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of the characters. I wish I owned Sesshoumaru. Or he could own me, that would work too...-cough cough- ...ahem...  
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Chapter 23-If I Die Tomorrow (Mötley Crüe)

**If I die tomorrow as the minutes fade away...I can't remember-have I said all I can say?**

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"Lord Sesshoumaru, do demons die?" Rin asked curiously.

"Rin, you silly child, why do you ask such stupid questions? Of course demons die! You've seen plenty of them killed before! What, did you FORGET?" Jaken shrieked.

"No, I didn't mean it that way," Rin said a bit irritably. "I meant, do demons get old and just die, or do you have to kill them?"

"Many demons are immortal," Sesshoumaru said shortly before Jaken could reply.

"Many? But some of them really do get old and die?" Rin asked.

"Yes. Though all demons have a lifespan far longer than that of a human, provided that nothing kills them."

"Cool!" Rin exclaimed happily. Jaken blinked a few times, then shrugged lightly and sighed. He had long since given up on trying to understand why any demon, especially Sesshoumaru, would want to keep around such a useless and often annoying little girl. Although he had to admit, she was kind of growing on him as well...

"What happens to demons when they die, Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked.

"Their souls go to heaven or hell, and their bodies decompose and fertilize the grass. The animals eat the grass, and the demons eat the animals. It happens to every living thing on this planet."

"Oh, really?" Rin smiled, her eyes wide with wonder. "I never knew! So we're all connected, huh? That's cool!"

Sesshoumaru made no reply to that, already caught up in a memory.

_I asked Father that same question...and I acted the same way when he told me the answer..._

"So, why is everyone afraid of dying?" Rin asked wonderingly. "I mean, if you're good, then your soul goes to heaven, and no matter whether you're good or bad, your body helps out anyways, so why is it so bad?"

"Uh, Rin, don't ask questions like that," Jaken said nervously.

"Let her be," Sesshoumaru ordered. Jaken shut his beak. Sesshoumaru sighed and closed his eyes, then began to speak quietly.

"People are afraid of death because it leaves things undone. You always leave something behind, something unfinished, something that only you can do or say. Death is something that frightens people because it can't be amended or taken back, and many times it comes so unexpectedly that it can't be prevented. Death is final, unmovable, undoubtedly the end of everything you can say or do or feel. You can no longer see or smell or touch or taste or hear, not unless your spirit hasn't yet reached it's final resting place. Things of this realm are unreachable, unattainable, and eventually your spirit will forget about all of it. But you know, somewhere, that the world goes on without you. The rest of existence doesn't pause for you, the whole of civilization doesn't collapse at your passing. Every single life is a mere whisper, a single thread in a tightly-woven cloth. Your death only disrupts those closest to you, and in time, even they will move on. Nobody likes to think about that, nobody wants it to be that way. Not a single soul in this world can imagine what life would be like without them in it, because that's all they know. They cannot fathom an existence without their presence. They want to believe that the sun cannot rise without their help. And when death comes to take them, their whole belief system comes crashing down around thier ears and leaves them alone and afraid, unsure what to think or do, and unable to go back on it. That's why people are afraid of death-for the ones who are, anyways. A select few have no fear of death-those who have nothing to live for, no unfinished business, no regrets-or perhaps too many regrets. A few have come to peace with knowledge of impending death, a few swallow thier insecurities and brave thier deaths with glory, and a few simply never cared in the first place."

Rin and Jaken gawked at Sesshoumaru as he finished, wondering what had given the dog-demon such profound insight into the workings of the mind of one who was afraid of death, and then one who was not. And idly wondering why he was so talkative as well, for he usually had so little to say. It puzzled them both. Even Ah-Un perked his ears quizzically.

"So, should I be afraid of death?" Rin finally asked. Sesshoumaru tried not to flinch at her question.

"Have you done everything that you ever wished to do, fulfilled every hope and dream that you have?" he asked.

"Well...no," Rin admitted.

"Then you would leave it all unfinished. You would never be able to accomplish everything you wanted to do."

"Are you afraid of death, Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked carefully.

Sesshoumaru stopped, looking up at the sky thoughtfully for a long time. The three behind him stopped as well, awaiting his answer.

"Yes," he finally said, beginning to walk again.

"Why?" Rin whispered, unsure if she really wanted to know, but insatiably curious anyways.

"If I die tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to do or say everything that I wanted to. I have too many things unfinished, and too many other things that I haven't even started yet. And honestly, I don't know what would happen after I die. So yes, it does scare me."

Jaken squawked in surprise at the soft admission, but Rin only pondered quietly for a few minutes.

Sesshoumaru turned back towards the road, mulling over his own thoughts silently.

_If I die tomorrow..._

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Okay, so this was one of the hardest chapters for me to write, simply because I had originally made Sesshoumaru's little speech a lot longer and had to edit out about two-thirds of it. I would have kept it in there, but then I realized that Sesshoumaru barely ever talks, and even after editing, it was really stretching the limits of his usual character to have him say so much. I mean, he's the type to think a lot and keep to himself, and he's always so quiet. So, having said that, I think I did alright on this chapter, though it was hell to write and yet still didn't turn out as well as some of my other chapters. But there is a point, and hopefully I didn't just ruin everything. So, tell me what you think! Please review, I'm dying to know how you guys feel about my story! You'd make me very happy if you reviewed! Anything is welcome-comments, suggestions, criticism, and yes even flames. My temper is flying high right now so flamers should be aware that I might explode on them, though that won't much matter if you don't read what I reply, so go ahead and flame away! I really want to know what you think, honest! Please, please, please review!


	26. Vierzwänzig,, Holding My Last Breath

A/N: Not much to say here. I added humor in this for plain comic relief, just to lighten the mood a bit right beofre and after something very serious. Don't want everyone to get too depressed, after all!

kk, having said that...

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters except Juzume, or any songs except the one she sang. Don't sue me.

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Chapter 24-Holding My Last Breath (Evanescence)

**Safe inside myself are all my thoughts of you...sweet raptured light, it ends here tonight...**

"Lord Sesshoumaru, where are we going today?" Rin asked curiously.

"Wherever we happen to go, child!" Jaken said snappishly.

"That's not an answer, Master Jaken," Rin pouted slightly.

"East," Sesshoumaru said simply, ignoring the annoying little imp for the moment.

"What a strange girl," Jaken mumbled under his breath.

"Yeah, well you're a funny toad!" Rin protested.

"I'm not a toad!" Jaken retorted.

"Then you're a pretty strange frog!" Rin shouted back.

"I'm an IMP, you stupid little girl, an IMP!" Jaken almost shrieked.

"Hey, you can't call me little! I'm bigger than you!" Rin said, sticking out her tongue. "SO NYAH NYAH!"

"You're still a little girl!" Jaken said, sticking out his own tongue in an uncharacteristic display.

"EEWW, Master Jaken, your tongue is all weird!" Rin pretended to gag, then chuckled in amusement as Jaken hurriedly slurped up his tongue.

"Yours isn't any prettier, girl!" Jaken returned.

"At least my tongue isn't all pointy like yours!" Rin crossed her arms.

"At least my tongue isn't all rounded at the end!" Jaken shot back.

"At least I have hair!" Rin said.

"Hey, it's not my fault I'm bald," Jaken grumbled. "But I don't have to get tangles."

"Quit acting foolish," Sesshoumaru snapped before either of them could continue. Truthfully, it had been amusing at first, but he was growing more and more irritable by the second. He coud tell that Inuyasha had been nearby a few days ago, though he wasn't right now, and the scent was getting to him for some reason. It wouldn't normally stir such feelings in the core of his chest, it didn't usually make him feel so strange...he felt-nervous, almost-anxious, maybe even restless...but he didn't know why, exactly, he just...felt it.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, are you okay?" Rin asked worriedly, noticing his agitation. "You don't look so good..."

"I'm fine," Sesshoumaru said, trying to calm his nerves.

"But, Lord Sesshoumaru, you look really really sick," Rin said worriedly. "You're pale, and the black part of your eyes is so tiny, and you're panting-"

"I SAID I was FINE!" Sesshoumaru almost shouted. Rin's eyes widened, and Sesshoumaru himself was shocked by his sudden angry outburst. _Did I just...yell at her? _

Rin cringed, cowering down behind one of Ah-Un's heads in mild fear.

"I'm sorry, Lord Sesshoumaru! I really am! Please don't get mad at me!" she said timidly.

"Now look what you did, you stupid girl!" Jaken squawked.

"Jaken, shut your beak and keep it shut," Sesshoumaru growled.

Jaken snapped his mouth shut, too afraid to continue after seeing his lord so angry.

Sesshoumaru sighed heavily and brought one hand up to brush a few bangs out of his eyes, realizing idly that he really did have a fever. The realization made him notice that he felt as if he were standing in the middle of a fire, and that the nearest stream was very far away, and a hot spring would only make him feel that much warmer...

"Ah-Un..." Rin whispered into the dragon's ear, then pointed. "Go help him," she said very quietly, silently slipping off the creature's back. Ah-Un nodded slightly and took a few hesitant steps forward, nudging Sesshoumaru's hand with one head. Sesshoumaru glanced at Ah-Un expectantly.

"I think he wants you to get on his back," Rin supplied, seeing that Sesshoumaru was staring blankly at the dragon. "You do look kind of shaky, Lord Sesshoumaru..." Rin took an uncomfortable step back as she said this.

"Perhaps it's simply a passing illness, and all you need is some rest," Jaken said uneasily.

"You're all conspiring against me, aren't you?" Sesshoumaru said idly. "Alright."

Rin and Jaken let out sighs of relief as Sesshoumaru swung up onto the dragon, feeling almost dizzy. He hadn't realized that he felt dizzy until he actually stopped to think.

Ah-Un looked back at Rin and winked, and Rin smiled at the dragon. Rin and Jaken both ran up to walk in front of Ah-Un and Sesshoumaru. Jaken glanced over at the dragon, surprised that Sesshoumaru held the reins in his tightly-clenched hand. The demon was holding the reins so tightly that his knuckles were almost white, and his claws were digging into his palms as he curled his fingers, making him bleed slightly.

"Master Jaken, let's play a little game-just us. It's a two-person game," Rin said, nudging the imp slightly. Jaken blinked, but he nodded slowly as Rin blinked a few times and gestured slightly behind her.

"Okay, fine," Jaken agreed. He stole a few glances back and forth between her and Sesshoumaru questioningly, and she nodded slightly.

"Okay, Master Jaken, in this game, I ask you a question about a person, and you tell me the answer by talking about that person or somebody else that person knows. Ready?" she asked cheerfully.

Jaken nodded carefully; he knew where this was going.

"Alright, Master Jaken, we gotta test you first and see if you know what I mean. I know, ask me a question first," she said happily.

"Um, okay, Rin...what's your favorite color?" Jaken asked.

"Well, I think Lord Sesshoumaru's white kimono is pretty nice. See, you understand now?" she winked.

"Alright, I get it," Jaken nodded.

"Now it's my turn to ask you a question!" Rin declared. "Master Jaken, what do you think is the worst thing in the world?" she asked vaguely. She blinked at him a few times, hoping he would remember her other game she had played before. It had been a game without a title, but it involved figuring out a secret code to get an answer to a riddle, and she had told him the code after about six hours of wrong guesses.

Jaken remembered the game, and he understood what she meant. He would go along with it.

"Well, I supose being slain by Lord Sesshoumaru couldn't be pleasant," he said.

"Your turn," Rin said.

"What's your favorite animal?" Jaken asked with a few blinks.

"What kind of demon is Lord Sesshoumaru-I mean, he's a full dog, right? He's not half cat or anything, is he? I know that Inuyasha is a half dog demon, but..."

"I'm quite sure that Lord Sesshoumaru is a dog-demon in his entirity," Jaken said hastily.

"Well, then I suppose a dog like Lord Sesshoumaru would be my favorite animal."

"Your turn, Rin."

"Master Jaken, if Ah-Un is really just two dragons with one body, what would happen if they fought?"

"I suppose that they would probably hurt themselves just as much as they hurt each other," Jaken said.

"Your turn," Rin nodded.

"Has Ah-Un ever talked around you? I know he hasn't around me," Jaken said.

"Ah-Un doesn't talk, I don't think, but maybe that's because they just can't get both minds to decide on what to say. Maybe only one of their mouths can talk and they would have to share it, so they just don't."

Ah-Un had been watching with interest, and he understood the whole thing. Normally he would have snorted at such ridiculous questions, but he knew what it really meant.

Sesshoumaru, having never paid close attention to thier games, was left entirely out of the secret loop, and only thought it was a silly children's game, so he didn't think about it much. Which was exactly what the others were counting on.

"Probably," Jaken said thoughtfully. "Your turn."

"So, if Ah-Un has two heads, then he might have two stomachs-what do you think would happen if one got sick and the other one was fine, but they just had a fight with each other? Would they be nice to each other?"

"Well, from what I've seen, Ah-Un has a very peculiar way of doing things. I suppose that it's possible that they might both get sick, but they might try to brush it off because they don't want to hold the other one back."

"Your turn," Rin said.

"Rin, I'm getting tired of this game," Jaken sighed, blinking a few times in the process. "Just ask a question for me and then quit it!"

"Okay," Rin nodded. "If Ah-Un fought over something, what do you think it would be? Or, well, do you think they would ever get over it, even if it were serious? I mean, they could always find a sorcerer to split them into two different creatures."

"Well, Rin, I suppose that they would eventually, because they still are the same flesh and blood, even if they were split into two. If it got that serious, it might take them some time, but I believe they would eventually talk it over and resolve thier problems. Although I doubt it would be a pleasant conversation, I still think they would come to terms with each other and accept their differences. After all, they are brother dragons," Jaken said.

Ah-Un blinked a few times, then shook his head. Sesshoumaru was paying absolutely no attention to any of them, and he was holding the reins as if they were his lifeline. The girl had noticed his illness just in time, it seemed, for Sesshoumaru was most certainly close to a collapse. He was shaking all over, his body shivering though he was scorching hot.

"Okay, I'm done," Rin announced. Jaken nodded; they had both said everything that they had needed to say.

Basically, Rin had been asking Jaken what he thought about the situation. Unbeknownst to Sesshoumaru himself, they had both heard the demon-lord mumbling both his father's name and his brother's name during the time he had been asleep, and they suspected strongly that Sesshoumaru's sickness had to do with pent-up emotions. They'd been speculating on whether or not to tell Sesshoumaru, or to suggest that he go find Inuyasha and talk to him. The way that Sesshoumaru was getting sick...it was getting out of hand. They both knew he wouldn't get anything accomplished if he went to a healer, except maybe a few herbs to help him cut back his fever. No, this was much worse than an average cold or slight under-the-weather episode. It was definitely caused by his recent emotional instability, which only his companions were able to notice. Nobody else would have seen any pain in those golden eyes, nobody else would have felt the sorrow radiating from him, but they did, and it scared them, in all honesty.

Rin looked at Jaken, and they both nodded. Rin took a deep breath, then dropped back a few steps to walk next to Sesshoumaru and Ah-Un.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, I have to say something, and you have to promise to listen, okay?" Rin said seriously.

"Sure," Sesshoumaru agreed with a nod, his fist curling more tightly as he fought off a wave of dizziness.

"You said Inuyasha's name while you were asleep. And you've been sick lately. And we're right near Kaede's village, so I think you might be able to smell Inuyasha, because they come around here a lot. I think you're hurt."

"Hurt? I'm fine, Rin. I haven't got a scratch on me," Sesshoumaru said.

"Not that way," Rin said gently. "Hurt in your heart. I think you need to talk to Inuyasha."

"Preposterous," Sesshoumaru scoffed slightly, surprised that she was able to see what was going on.

"You said his name while you were asleep," Rin pointed out a bit more firmly. "And you just got a lot more sick after we got here. I'm pretty sure it's because you can smell his scent all over the place."

"I'm not going to talk to Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru said, his voice holding less authority than he had intended.

"You're getting really sick, Lord Sesshoumaru...I don't want you to...to..." Rin couldn't finish her sentence.

"To die?" Sesshoumaru scoffed. "I won't die from a mild sickness like this."

"Nevermind," Rin sighed a bit moodily. She gave up on it; there was no persuading the stubborn dog-demon.

_No, I won't die from a sickness, _Sesshoumaru thought to himself. _I'll save my last breath for you, Inuyasha. You would never be my brother, never care...I can only offer you what I have. You've wanted to kill me before, you've wanted me to die...so be it. Only you can take my life, little brother-I'm holding my last breath for you._

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Yay! Rin and Jaken finally tell him! It took me forever to get to it, but I managed! Alright, you know what goes here! Please review, everything accepted! You'd make me very happy! ;)


	27. Fünfzwänzig,, Nothing Else Matters

A/N: One of my favorite chapters of all time! This originally came from another fic of mine, which isn't posted and probably never will be. It just fit so well in this fic, though, that I had to put it in here. I revised and edited it a little, but it's basically the same. This never happened in the actual anime, and I doubt that Rumiko was thinking anything along these lines when she wrote the story, but it's just my version of what went on. Hope everybody likes it! ;)

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Rumiko's characters, just my original ones. Songs aren't mine either, they belong to their respective owners. No suing me. 

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Chapter 25-Nothing Else Matters (Metallica)

**So close, no matter how far-couldn't be much more from the heart...Forever trust in who we are and nothing else matters...**

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

"Look, Sesshoumaru, you have a baby brother," Izayoi whispered softly, going over to the stoic demon. He was standing on a cliff, the same place his father had been not long ago-it had only been a mere day since the great demon's death.

Sesshoumaru had his back turned to Izayoi, and he remained still, acting as if she did not exist. He hoped she would just leave him to his thoughts.

"Your father...he named him Inuyasha," Izayoi continued, stepping forward to stand right behind Sesshoumaru.

"I have no desire for your friendship, nor do I want your compassion," Sesshoumaru finally spoke, his voice calm and steady. "You were the woman my father chose, and so I cannot kill you or harm you. However, that does not mean that we are obligated to be cordial."

"I know that I am not obligated to be cordial," Izayoi said. "I do this out of love, my Prince-no, my Lord. Lord Sesshoumaru, I care for you, whether or not you care for me. You are the son of InuTaisho, the man whom I trusted with my very heart and soul. And this-this child is your younger brother."

"He's a halfbreed. Do you know what that means?" Sesshoumaru asked, whirling around suddenly to stare her in the eyes. "It means that he will be tortured by countless demons, shunned by humans, teased and taunted and unwelcome in any village he happens across. The demons of the royal court will not accept him, the humans of the villages will hate him, and the only future he could have is one of solitude and regret! I care not about you, for at least you can find acceptance among humans...but this child, my younger brother-he will be beaten, abused, hated, and disgraced a thousand times over! And all for the love of my father, and his desire to be with a human!" he snapped viciously. He quickly turned around again, closing his eyes against the tears that wanted to form.

"Lord Sesshoumaru..." Izayoi whispered softly. "Is there nothing that can be done for him?"

Sesshoumaru bit his lip until he drew blood; there was only one way he knew of.

"I can only lessen his suffering by turning against him," the young demon murmured. "If I told the demons of the court that I hated him, and if I were to fight him when he grew old enough to defend himself, I could claim killing rights. No other demon, or at least no other intelligent demon, would dare to touch him. And I would have reason to kill any who tried," he said slowly, turning to face her again. He blinked back the sudden tears, wishing he could rid himself of all feeling.

"So, in order to save him, you must hurt him?" Izayoi looked down sorrowfully at the bundle in her arms, tracing her finger lightly along the child's face.

"I cannot save him," Sesshoumaru repeated. "I can only make it easier for him. I can tell the other demons that I despise him for his human blood, and that I claim him as my own prey. If I convince them well enough, they will leave him alone, and then he will only have to worry about minor or foolish demons. And as for that, I can slay them with the reasoning that I cannot allow anyone else to kill him, that I have an obligation to rid him from this earth by myself. It's all I can do, Izayoi," he said quietly.

"I am sorry, my Lord," Izayoi stifled her tears. "I did not mean...to cause such pain..."

"It's not _entirely_ your fault," Sesshoumaru said softly. He walked over a few steps to stand in front of her, looking at his younger brother for the first time. Izayoi held the small child protectively, hoping that the demon in front of her had not spoken true, but knowing that such hope was in vain.

"Lord Sesshoumaru..." Izayoi looked at him pleadingly. "You...you will protect him?"

"I will protect his life," Sesshoumaru nodded slightly.

"Where shall I go, if not your Father's-your castle? The demons there will not take to him so kindly," she pointed out.

"I know of a village where you will be safe," Sesshoumaru answered. "You realize that he will not age as humans do, he will remain young for far longer than you expect-you will die of old age before he matures."

"And will you look after him?" Izayoi asked.

"I will do what I can," he answered with a heavy sigh. "If other demons think that I care for him, then they will consider both of us weak and constantly attack us. I could not take him in under my protection, because it would only breed confusion and hate. I will watch him from the shadows, Izayoi. He will be safe, though he may not always know it."

Izayoi nodded, holding back her tears as she returned her gaze at the boy in her arms.

"His name is Inuyasha?" Sesshoumaru asked quietly after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes, it is," Izayoi nodded.

Inuyasha opened his eyes at that moment, and his glowing golden orbs fixed on Sesshoumaru. He cried out gleefully, stretching out his arms. "Haa!"

"Inuyasha, that's your older brother," Izayoi said softly.

"Haa!" Inuyasha agreed happily, trying to struggle out of his mother's arms. He reached for Sesshoumaru, and his small hand finally touched the demon's arm. The child stopped, content with the contact, and he grinned hugely.

"Izayoi..." Sesshoumaru whispered, feeling a new flood of tears tugging at his eyes. "Let me hold him, Izayoi."

Izayoi looked up sharply in surprise, but simply nodded and held out her baby. Sesshoumaru took the child in his arms carefully, and Inuyasha was delighted. He gurgled happily and reached his hand up, straining until he grasped a flowing strand of hair. He immediately stuck the end of it in his mouth, making contented noises as he tried to chew on the hair.

"Inuyasha..." Izayoi began to scold mildly, but Sesshoumaru lifted a finger to his lips and hushed her. He looked down at his baby brother, smiling slightly as the child reached up once again. He leaned his head forward slightly, and Inuyasha touched his nose. The tiny ears on top of his head twitched as his eyes grew wide, then he laughed happily before closing his eyes. He fell asleep within an instant, a strand of hair still in his mouth.

Sesshoumaru held him for a minute longer, feeling the small heart thump against his arm. He almost began to cry right then, but supressed it. He shifted carefully, moving a claw up along the strand of hair and slicing off the silvery lines. The action left no visible mark, no look of unevenness. Sesshoumaru barely smiled as he loosely wrapped the hair around his finger, laying it on top of the blanket that Inuyasha was curled up inside of. He leaned forward and kissed the tiny forehead affectionately, then handed him silently back to his mother.

"Sesshoumaru..." Izayoi's voice was full of regret and sorrow.

"Father is really dead, is he? That would make me the new Lord. I'll send my soldiers to escort you to the village," he said, turning to the edge of the cliff once more and refusing to look at her. "I will have a trusted guard check up on you every so often. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask."

"Thank you, Lord Sesshoumaru," Izayoi whispered. Sesshoumaru inclined his head slightly in a half-nod, though not turning towards her. Izayoi stepped back to the men who had escorted her from before, and only when all of them were gone did Sesshoumaru allow himself to glance over his shoulder, wondering if he could really force himself to hurt his brother.

"He'll hate me for his entire life," Sesshoumaru whispered to himself. "He'll never know the true reasoning behind it all, he'll never know that I care..."

_But as long as you're safe, little brother, then nothing else matters..._

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

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AIEE! Baby Inuyasha is so cuuuute! Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system. He's just adorable! With those cute little ears...

YAY! I finally got to see the third movie! A bit different than I expected...I'm going to try and get the Japanese version. The English dubbed version is just plain weird. Takemaru has a British accent, Sesshoumaru sounds different-I think his voice actor either got sick or took a vacation and got replaced at the last minute or something. What makes it worse is the fact that Inuyasha sounds normal, and the other characters sound normal most of the time, but Sesshoumaru only sounds like himself half the time, which makes it strange. I mean, if he sounded-well, not like himself-through the whole movie, then I could get used to it. But if he sounds like himself every other scene, then it gets unnerving. I mean, one minute it sounds like him, and the next minute it doesn't...very extremely confusing sometimes. Good thing I was at full brainpower the first time I watched it, or else I would have been really mixed up. And as far as InuTaisho, well, his voice was exactly how I imagined it, but the way he said things when he was rescuing Izayoi...kind of, I don't know, choppy. Everything ended with a period, you know? Every word sounded like a sentence, or else they ran together too much. Before rescuing Izayoi, and at the end, he didn't sound that way, but just that part...

"Damn you fool!" ... "Go. Live." ... "Inuyasha." ... "The infant's name."

I think you get what I mean...

Bleh, sorry. I'm giving away a little too much, aren't I? Er, well, this story is sort of giving away a lot too...guess I can't really give away too much more. But anyways, I'm rambling here, and you're probably not paying attention to me, so I'll be quiet.

Please review! Anything accepted, flames too! I'm in a good mood right now so lames are probably not going to be returned with equal brutality. Yay for Bittorrent! I love getting movies for free! -happy-

"La la lala la la la, lala la la lalala la!" --me, singing randomly in a screechingly tone-deaf voice

"AAHHH! Stop it! You're making our ears bleed!" --Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, and Shippou, holding their ears

"Grrr..." Kirara and Ah-Un, growling at me

"Uh...nice kitty? Nice dragon?" --me

"Ah-Un...kill her..." --Sesshoumaru

"Not if Kirara gets her first!" --Inuyasha

"Why don't we just go kill her ourselves?" --Shippou

"..." --Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha

"You have a valid point, kitsune." --Sesshoumaru, cracking his knuckles, death glare towards me

"Uh...nice doggie? Ehehehehehehe..." --me

"HAHA! She called you a doggie!" --Inuyasha, laughing

"Three...two...one..." --Shippou, looking bored

-CRASH-

"Ow..." --me, laying on the ground, beyond a wall with a very large hole in it

I got bored...

Sorry...


	28. Sechzwänzig,, Unnamed Feeling, Metallica

A/N: Yay! 97 reviews! Everbody out there is making me so happy! Hooray! I hope everybody likes this chpater as much as they seemed to like the last one! Thank you to all my wonderful readers and reviewers!

kk, I'llskip all the boring author's not stuff and get to the main event! First, though...

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Rumiko's characters, just my original ones. Copyrighted songs aren't mine either, they belong to their respective owners. My own songs and characters are mine, though. No suing me. 

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Chapter 26-The Unnamed Feeling (Metallica)

**Found safety in this loneliness but I cannot stand it anymore...**

Ah-Un glanced back at the demon that was on top of him, snorting worriedly. Sesshoumaru wasn't getting any better; the dragon could feel the demon's body shaking against his scales. He had never seen the proud dog as sick as this-he seemed so unstable, so weak and frail at this moment, as if he were on his last legs. Which he probably was, Ah-Un realized. It bothered him-hell, it bothered all of them.

"Master Jaken, maybe we should stop and camp," Rin suggested quietly. "I think I'm getting sick," she nudged the imp's shoulder, faking a short cough. She knew that Sesshoumaru would never admit to being sick, so he wouldn't have decided to stop quite yet, but all of them were certain that he couldn't go any further without practically falling off the dragon.

"Uh, Lord Sesshoumaru, what do you think?" Jaken asked carefully.

"Alright," Sesshoumaru agreed. He wasn't stupid; he knew that Rin was only pretending to be sick, but he would go along with it. They were far more perceptive than he gave them credit for, but his pride would have pushed him to keep going until he really did fall over. He was actually thankful that they wanted to stop.

Jaken nodded and began gathering sticks and twigs while Ah-Un moved over to the nearest large tree. Rin went to the stream to catch a few fish, and Sesshoumaru eased off the dragon. A swirling dizziness caught up with him, and he stumbled a bit before catching himself on the dragon's sturdy neck. The group paused to shoot worried glances over at him, then at each other-Sesshoumaru _never_ fell over like _that_.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, you don't look so good," Rin said with a frown as she went over to him.

"I'm fine, Rin," Sesshoumaru said as he carefully let go of Ah-Un, leaning against the tree. He sighed and slowly let himself sit down at the base of the trunk, leaning his head back and closing his eyes wearily. He felt a small hand on his forehead, and he opened his eyes to look at Rin. She drew her hand back quickly, but not because he was looking at her-because his fever had nearly scorched her.

"Your fever is really high," Rin informed him. "Really really high."

"I know that much," Sesshoumaru sighed heavily and closed his eyes again. "Get some rest. I'll stay up to watch-"

"Oh no you don't!" Rin said a bit more loudly than she had intended. "You're really sick! If anyone around here needs to sleep, it's you! Master Jaken or Ah-Un can stay up."

Sesshoumaru blinked at her in mild surprise, but he sighed and gave up on it. She was right, and they all knew it.

"Alright. But I won't sleep until you do," he said firmly.

Rin smiled and sat down, then closed her eyes and made a show of pretending to snore loudly.

"You're not fooling anyone with that facade," Sesshoumaru said coolly.

Rin stopped and gave him a tiny smile, then tilted her head sideways in thought.

"Maa maa, ko shounen-" she began in a soothing voice.

"How do you know that song?" Sesshoumaru asked in a whisper, his eyes widening in surprise.

_This is the song that Juzume always sang to me...the song that I always liked..._

"My mother sang it to me when I had nightmares," Rin said. "Why, you don't like it?" she asked.

"No, no...it's fine," Sesshoumaru replied quietly.

"Okay," Rin nodded, then began where she left off. "Nakanaide kudasai...genki da ima kodomo, onegai dame shinpai-Jibun akari istu anata..."

Sesshoumaru felt his eyes close slowly, hardly noticing when Rin ventured her hand forth to run her fingers through his hair comfortingly. His head tilted to the side, and his chest rose and fell regularly...

"How did you do that, child?" Jaken asked in awe.

"It's an old lullaby," Rin said in the manner of a sage. "A very old lullaby, my mother always used to say, and it was one that the famous Lord of the West had listened to when he was a child, because even Lords had nightmares when they were children too. A very, very old lullaby..."

Jaken gasped in wonderment, looking at his Lord sleeping so peacefully.

"Master Jaken, why do you think this is making him so sick?" Rin asked after a few minutes, turning her chocolate orbs towards the imp in confusion.

"He did mention his brother," Jaken said thoughtfully. "I suppose it's one of those thing that he simply cannot suppress anymore, something that has gone unattended for so long that it can't be helped any longer."

"So he's sick like this, all because of an unnamed feeling..." Rin shook her head.

"Unnamed feelings can be powerful things, Rin," Jaken nodded. "Very powerful things indeed."

Somewhere deep within his conciousness, Sesshoumaru's mind vaguely noticed the conversation.

_All because of an unnamed feeling...no, it has a name, though I haven't said it in so long..._

_Love, that strange unnamed feeling is love..._

_I can't stand this anymore, though...he doesn't know, he never did, I thought he never would...but he will, he has a right to know, he needs to know...I need to tell him..._

_Inuyasha, I always wanted to be your brother...that unnamed feeling, that love, it's for you..._

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Kakkoi! I think this os one of the final chapters-well, in one way...you'll find out soon enough! Alright, you know what else I usually write-please review! Thank you so much everyone! You all make me so happy! ;)


	29. Siebzwänzig,, Wasted Years, Cold

**A/N: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ IT!**

Okay, so I have been debating with myself for an eternity over what ending I liked better-one that was angsty, or one that was happy. I couldn't decide. My friends didn't know, or else I forgot to ask them. So, I decided to do...both. There's a split in the middle of this chapter. That's where the chapter ends if you want to read the angsty ending. After the big lines and lots of dots or dashes or whatever, you skip the rest of the chapter and go to the next one.

Now, if you want to read the happy ending, you keep gong after the dots and dashes and whatnot, and skip past the next chpater. The chapter ater the next one is the happy ending one.

So, now that I've said that...please, enjoy the ending of my story. I may decide to do a sequel, but that's not the most likely thing to happen. I kind of like where I left it for both endings, but I might or might not keep going later. Thanks so much to all my wonderful readers and reviewers! You've all been such an inspiration, and a really great help! I hope I live up to everyone's expectations!

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of the characters, unfortunately. I don't own the songs either. Don't sue me. This disclaimer is here for a reason.

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Chapter 27-Wasted Years (Cold)

**Was it life I betrayed for the shape that I'm in-it's not hard to fail, it's not easy to win...**

The next morning came in all it's glory, throwing shades of pinks and purples and oranges along the horizon, tinting the sky with light shades of blue as the darker black and the sparkling stars seemed to ebb away into nothingness. Sesshoumaru woke up drowsily and looked about, seeing that everything was the way it should be.

"You're awake," a voice said happily from right next to him. He glanced over to see Rin, already awake, sitting next to him with a small smile on her face. Something seemed to be bothering her though-

And as soon as that thought came, so did his rememberance of everything that had gone on during the past week. He took in a deep breath and fought off a fierce attack of dizziness, his body shaking slightly with the effort.

"Yes, I'm awake," he said as calmly as he could, clsoing his eyes against the sun that had suddenly gotten about ten times brighter.

"Your fever went down," she proclaimed happily. "Do you feel any better?"

"Not really," he admitted. "There's something I have to do, though. Jaken, stay here and protect Rin. Ah-Un, come on," Sesshoumaru forced his eyes open and clambered to his feet a bit unsteadily. He took hold of the reins and got onto the dragon, and Ah-Un obligingly took off, leaping majestically into the air and heading off in the direction Sesshoumaru nudged him towards.

"I hope he finally tells him," Rin whispered as she and Jaken watched him leave.

"I do too, for both thier sakes," Jaken nodded.

Sesshoumaru scanned the ground quickly, looking around for any sign of Inuyasha. Ah-Un flew slowly enough for him to see-or, rather, slowly enough that Sesshoumaru wouldn't get any more sick.

"There they are," Sesshoumaru said, taking a deep breath. "Let's go down, Ah-Un."

Ah-Un dropped steadily lower, landing at the far end of the clearing where Inuyasha and his friends were camping. Sesshoumaru got off a bit shakily, noticing that Inuyasha had already drawn his sword in preparation for a fight.

"What the hell do you want, Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha growled angrily.

"I'm not here to fight, Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru said coolly, still standing near Ah-Un, his hand tightening ever so slightly on the dragon's mane to keep himself steady as he drove off a wave of dizziness.

"He looks kinda sick," Shippou whispered to Miroku from the background.

"Yes, he does...I wonder what's going on?" Miroku said thoughtfully.

"Inuyasha, we need to talk...in private," Sesshoumaru added carefully.

"Yeah right," Inuyasha growled. "You're just trying to trick me into going along with some little trap of yours! I ain't buyin' it, Sesshoumaru!"

"Will you buy this!" Sesshoumaru demanded angrily, drawing his sword. Inuyasha raised his sword and made to attack, but before he could do anything, Sesshoumaru slung the Toukijin off to the side angrily, not even following it with his eyes as it lodged deep within a tree trunk a few yards away.

"Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha blinked and stared uncertainly.

"I told you, I'm not here to fight," Sesshoumaru said in exasperation. "I just want to talk to you, alone, just for a few mintues," he added in a softer tone.

Inuyasha and the others looked at him in surprise for a long minute before Inuyasha finally sighed. He sheathed his sword and walked over, standing a few feet from his brother.

"Okay, let's go. There's a hot spring over there; just as good a place as any to talk."

Sesshoumaru nodded and forced himself to let go of Ah-Un, and the two walked over to the hot springs slowly.

"What's going on?" Kagome wondered out loud as soon as they were gone.

"I'm not sure," Sango shook her head.

"I haven't the faintest clue," Miroku agreed.

"His scent was kind of funny," Shippou said thoughtfully. "He smelled...sad or something," the fox added.

"Wonder what it's all about," Kagome looked over towards the springs in deep contemplation.

"What's this all about, Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha asked suspiciously as the older demon sat down, leaning against a tree.

"About you, actually," Sesshoumaru said calmly. "Let me finish before you say anything," he added. "It's not something you did, or something you caused, or something you didn't do, for that matter. It's mostly about me, and what really goes on between the two of us, so therefore it is also about you."

"You're not making any sense!" Inuyasha growled angrily.

"There's something I never told you, Inuyasha...something that's very important, but I never had the...well, I never had the courage to tell you before," he said with a scoff. "It's not easy to tell you, it really isn't..."

"The courage? Sesshoumaru, I might not like you, but I know you aren't a coward. What the hell is going on here? What's up with you? You're acting all strange!" Inuyasha said with a confused frown.

"I...Inuyasha, I, well..." Sesshoumaru took a deep breath. "I don't hate you. I never did, I just-"

"Don't hate me? You've tried to fuckin' KILL ME, you jackass! How can you say you don't hate me! Look, you hate me just as much as I hate you, and you damn well know it! Quit it with all the bullshit, Sesshoumaru!"

"I'm not lying, Inuyasha. Just let me finish, huh?" Sesshoumaru turned to gaze upwards at his brother, his golden orbs burning fiercely with strained emotions. Inuyasha looked down at Sesshoumaru-something he never expected to do, he realized idly, and his hands slowly unclenched. He hadn't noticed that he had curled his hands into fists until he relaxed them. Inuyasha's ears twitched suspiciously, but he slowly sat down a few feet from Sesshoumaru and looked at him for a few minutes.

"Alright, I'll listen. What else?" Inuyasha asked carefully.

"I never really hated you, Inuyasha-everything I did, I only tried to...to protect you," he said.

"How in the hell is trying to kill me going to protect me!" Inuyasha yelled angrily.

"I never really tried to kill you, though," Sesshoumaru explained, struggling to find the right words. It was getting more difficult for him to talk. "I, well, I fought you, yes, but-I didn't want to kill you, I never wanted to kill you. If I truly wanted to kill you, I would have come after you when you were a pup, killed you before you had the chance to fight back. Didn't you ever wonder why I didn't come after you when you were a child?"

"I always thought you had too many morals for that," Inuyasha said in a halfway sarcastic tone.

"Huh," Sesshoumaru scoffed. "If I hated you as much as you think I do, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. I've killed plenty of children, though it's not my favorite occupation."

"Yeah, whatever," Inuyasha mumbled. "I still don't get how that was supposed to be protecting me. I just think you're full of it, Sesshoumaru."

"I was protecting you," Sesshoumaru sighed. "It was the only thing I could think of at the time. If the demons of the court had their way, you'd have been killed when you were a pup. I told them that I would kill you, nobody else, and I convinced them well enough...they believed me, Inuyasha. I had to make them believe me, or they would have come after you themselves. I knew that at least if I were the one fighting, I could stop before I killed you, I could leave and let you recover. I would have left them, I would have taken you away, but...the lands would have fallen to turmoil, and we would have been chased down anyways. And I wasn't sure I would always be able to keep an eye on you if you stayed in the castle...I had no other choice," Sesshoumaru said, turning sorrowfully away from his younger brother. "I really had no other choice, Inuyasha..."

"So you're telling me that you kept up that lie for two hundred years, and nobody ever found out?" Inuyasha snorted. "Why do I not believe you?"

"I didn't really expect you to," Sesshoumaru said with a self-mocking smile. It was a weak smile, full of pain and sorrow and guilt. "I guess I just couldn't keep it up any longer. I...Inuyasha, I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want to do everything that I did, but...it was better than having you dead."

"Yeah right," Inuyasha snarled. "Your tall tale just keeps on getting less and less believable, Sesshoumaru! I told you already, quit it with the bullshit!"

"It's not," Sesshoumaru shook his head lightly. "But I don't expect you to believe me. I already said that."

"I think you're just trying to trick me," Inuyasha said as he stood up and drew the Tetsusaiga. "Now tell me the truth, Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha swung his sword, stopping only a hair's width from Sesshoumaru's neck. The cold steel of the blade grazed the demon's skin, but Sesshoumaru didn't even flinch.

"I already told you the truth," Sesshoumaru whispered, his voice full of regret. "Go on, Inuyasha. If you want to take my life, it's yours. I won't stop you; I swear it on Father's grave that I won't stop you."

Inuyasha looked at Sesshoumaru in shock.

"You'd swear it on our Father's grave?" he asked uncertainly, his hand trembling. His sword pressed closer to Sesshoumaru's neck, but the demon didn't move.

"I would swear it a thousand times over if you wanted me to," Sesshoumaru said.

Inuyasha knew Sesshoumaru well enough to believe that he would never swear anything on thier father's grave unless he meant it. Still, though...

"You'd let me take your life. What about everything else you said? What about not hating me? Would you swear that on Father's grave, Sesshoumaru?"

"On his grave and on my very life," Sesshoumaru said, looking straight into Inuyasha's eyes.

Inuyasha stood there, dumbfounded, his body trembling. He finally pulled his sword away, sheathing it as he sat again a bit unsteadily.

"You never hated me?" he asked in a whisper, his mind swimming with emotions that he never expected to feel.

"Never," Sesshoumaru said softly.

"It was all a ruse," Inuyasha said, more to himself than to Sesshoumaru. "Just a lie. You never, ever hated me."

Sesshoumaru blinked a few times and turned his head, nodding slightly.

"You've been lying to me this whole time. You've lied to me from the start. Just like everyone else in my life," Inuyasha said, his eyes hardening. "Just like everyone else."

"I didn't-" Sesshoumaru tried to protest, but stopped. He looked down at the ground in shame, then nodded again. "Yeah, I've lied to you this whole time. Just like everyone else," he whispered.

"How could you?" Inuyasha asked fiercely. "If you cared, then why didn't you tell me it was all a ruse? I would have played along with it."

"I-I don't know," Sesshoumaru admitted. "I guess I thought that you might not be able to pull off the act."

"You don't give me enough credit," Inuyasha growled. "You never did. You know what? From now on, don't even bother with your so-called 'protection.' If anybody comes after me, I'll handle them all by my damn self."

"Inuyasha-"

"I don't care," Inuyasha growled angrily, standing up and turning away. "You've been lying to me all these years, all this time. You don't know how much you've made me suffer, Sesshoumaru. You should have let me keep on thinking you hated me. At least I would have thought more of you. I used to think that I could at least trust what you said, even if I couldn't trust you entirely. Now I can't even do that."

"Inuyasha..." Sesshoumaru said softly. "I never meant-"

"It doesn't matter," Inuyasha said coldly, his back turned on his brother. "I still hate you, and if you were smart, you'd hate me too. I won't kill you now, I can tell you're too sick to fend for yourself, but take my word on this: I still hate you. I will kill you someday. The fact that we're brothers never stopped me before. And it won't stop me now."

"Why?" Sesshoumaru whispered, asking the only question that was on his mind. "Why, Inuyasha? Don't you understand? It was my only choice, it was the only way-the only thing I could think of to help you," he said.

"You lied to me. You put me through hell, let me think you really hated me, and now you're telling me about it? You left me to the woods, let me get hounded and tortured by countless humans and demons, you were never there to stand up for me. No, you just watched it all from the sidelines and stayed where you were. How could you be so cruel? If you really cared, you would have been there!" Inuyasha snapped, turning to stare at his brother fiercely.

"I couldn't have," Sesshoumaru said, his eyes searching his brother's molten orbs for any trace of understanding or forgiveness. "I had no other choice. What would you have done?" he asked.

"What would I have done? You really want to know?" Inuyasha asked vehemently. "I would have said 'screw the fucking lands, I have a brother!' That's what I would have done. I don't give a goddamn about the fucking inheritage. I'm your kid brother, I have inheritance from our old man too. You think I give a damn? Hell no. I don't want any fucking land to look after. There's too much bullshit that comes with it, and what's is all worth? Can't take it with you when you die; the only things worth anything in life aren't things. They're people. You know why I value our old man's sword? Because it's powerful enough to protect my friends from just about anything-including myself. Without this, I would transform and kill them. If I die, I don't give a damn if you take the stupid thing."

"Inuyasha..." Sesshoumaru stopped once more. He was at a loss of words. He lowered his head and sighed heavily, forcing himself to contain the tears that wanted to fall. "I'm sorry..."

"Sorry isn't good enough anymore," Inuyasha snarled. "You should have said that about a hundred and fifty years ago, when I needed somebody to look after me. When I needed somebody to care. When my mother died, and I was cast out alone into the dark forests, to fight for myself and try not to die, wondering if I would see the next sunrise. You should have told me then, when I needed a brother. You waited too long, Sesshoumaru."

"Isn't there any way I can make it up to you?" Sesshoumaru whispered, looking up sorrowfully.

"No, Sesshoumaru, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for this," Inuyasha shook his head. "We've talked long enough. Goodbye, Sesshoumaru," Inuyasha said as he turned to walk away.

"All this time, and it's just been so many wasted years," Sesshoumaru said to himself sadly, his heart breaking.

"That's all that's left between us," Inuyasha agreed without turning or stopping.

"Goodbye, little brother," Sesshoumaru whispered, watching the halfdemon leave. Inuyasha didn't even reply. Sesshoumaru felt his heart being shattered into hundreds of pieces, he felt empty and hollow and broken. He looked over at a few flowers sadly, watching the wilted petals fall to the ground and crumple with the slight breeze.

Sesshoumaru stared at the flowers for a long time, wating until the last petal fell, waiting there for the rest of the day and well into the night, waiting as the faint sounds of Inuyasha and his companions began to fade as they packed up and left.

"So many wasted years," he whispered as silent tears came from his eyes. He stood up unsteadily, walking back over to where Ah-Un still waited patiently for him. He walked over to the tree where he had thrown Toukijin earlier, pulling out the sword forcefully. He looked at the blade for a long time-for a very long time, studying his reflection in the cold steel.

"So this is why Father chose to die," Sesshoumaru whispered. "He thought I hated him, he truly believed I would never be able to get over it. He thought there was nothing left for him but pain and suffering, only tinted with slight fringes of joy, but never true happiness-never again anticipating that feeling. That's why he chose death-he wasn't being stupid, nor was he being noble or honorable. He was taking his pain away-and his life, too, was cut short. All those years-he could have lived so much longer..."

Ah-Un snorted worriedly, diverting the dog-demon's attention from the sword. The dragon bleated and pawed the ground once, nudging Sesshoumaru's shoulder in an almost pleading manner.

"What is it, Ah-Un?" Sesshoumaru asked with a sigh. The dragon stared at him worriedly, tilting one head sideways with a slight whimper-or as close to a whimper as the dragon could get.

"Not yet, old friend," Sesshoumaru sighed heavily. "I still have one person to take care of, one person to live for. After she's gone, I suppose I won't have anything left to do. It's all going to be just wasted years..."

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"Sesshoumaru," a voice called softly, quietly, slipping from the shadows.

"Inuyasha?" Sesshoumaru asked hesitantly, turning to look as Inuyasha emerged from the darkness.

"I thought of something. It's important."

"What is it?" Sesshoumaru asked, blinking tiredly at his brother.

"It's the people in your life that matter, not the things," Inuyasha began slowly, walking over to take a good long look at his brother. Sesshoumaru looked ghostly; the sickness he had was draining him both physically and emotionally. His body was shaking with the effort to stand, even though he was clutching the dragon's mane for support. Inuyasha frowned and motioned for them to sit down, and Ah-Un settled himself behind Sesshoumaru while the brothers eased to the ground.

"I have to tell you something. Don't interrupt," Inuyasha warned.

Sesshoumaru nodded his agreement, and Inuyasha continued.

"I know you were trying to protect me. I can understand that. I can even see where you're coming from. I don't think I would have done the same thing, but we're two different people, and we've lived two different lives, been raised two different ways, been taught plenty more than two different things. I thought about it for a while, and I thought that, given the situation, I really might not have done much different. If I was in your place, I would have been the older brother, raised by our father, groomed and taught how to handle things, expecting to inherit the lands. I can see how it would be chaotic if you left the western territory to the other demons. So, having said that, I have to ask you to do something. On faith alone."

"What?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"Promise to do it first, no matter what it is. No matter what I ask, you have to do it. Then I know that you care."

"I promise it," Sesshoumaru swore.

"Tell the demons of the court. Let them know everything. Then I can forgive you."

"They'll come after you," Sesshoumaru protested.

"Let them try. If you really care, you'll be here to help me when I need you," Inuyasha said softly.

"Is that really what you want?" Sesshoumaru asked softly, looking into his brother's eyes.

"Only if you really care," Inuyasha said.

"I'll be back in a few days, then," Sesshoumaru said, standing up unsteadily. Ah-Un rose, and Sesshoumaru hopped onto the dragon and took off towards the west, headed for his castle.

"Maybe," Inuyasha chuckled to himself. "I already forgave you, Sesshoumaru. I needed to know you were sincere. All those wasted years, wondering if you cared...I should have known all along. But now we won't have to fight, now we won't have to hide it...now I really can care about you, big brother..."

Sesshoumaru came back a few days later, as he promised. Rin and Jaken were with him this time, riding on Ah-Un as he himself flew on his cloud. He look a bit tired, but no longer seemed sick or depressed.

"You told them?" Inuyasha asked expectantly. Sesshoumaru nodded.

"Hey, little brother..." Sesshoumaru started hesitantly.

"What is it?" Inuyasha asked.

"How about we start catching up on all those wasted years, huh?" he asked, flashing a rare smile.

"Yeah, sure," Inuyasha agreed, flashing a smile of his own.

"Finally," Shippou muttered from the background.

"Finally," Rin said at the same time.

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	30. Epilog Trauer,, In The End, Linkin Park

A/N: Welcome to the ansty ending! Hope you like it! Thanks again to all my readers!

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or songs. Don't sue me.

**----**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue-In The End (Linkin Park)

**I kept everything inside, and even though I tried, it all fell apart-what it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard and got so far-but in the end, it doesn't even matter...**

"Lord Sesshoumaru..." Rin whispered softly as she saw Ah-Un land quietly. She walked over to him uncertainly, sensing the heavy despair that nearly suffocated the area.

"What is it, Rin?" he asked her, trying valiantly to sound normal, to sound calm and unaffected.

"He...he didn't listen, did he?" she looked up at him sorrowfully, her eyes filling with tears.

"What are you talking about, Rin?" Sesshoumaru feigned ignorance, trying to ignore the ache in his heart, trying to imagine that it was all a dream, that he hated his brother just as he always said he did.

"You're sad, Lord Sesshoumaru," Rin said softly, blinking a few times as she looked at him. "Inuyasha didn't listen to you. He said he still hates you, didn't he?"

Sesshoumaru stood there for a minute, looking at her with a pained expression, his golden eyes burning with untainted guilt and agony. He closed his eyes briefly and let go of Ah-Un, sinking to the ground wearily and leaning back against a tree.

"Rin, stop speaking such nonsense," he forced himself to say. "I feel no such emotions. Sadness is not something I am familiar with."

"You're a bad liar," she said quietly, bravely venturing to call his bluff. He looked at her in mild surprise, blinking a few times before he sighed heavily.

"Explain this 'sadness' of yours to me," he said coolly, as if he were indulging a childish whim out of boredom.

"You feel empty and alone, and nothing seems to be right anymore. The world feels upside down, and your heart-your heart feels like it isn't there anymore, like something just took it away and left you there without it. It hurts, right here," she said as she placed her hand on her heart. "And it stays there for a long time. You feel like you want to just leave everything and never come back. You want to make things right again but it's all still wrong. You don't want to think about it, but you can't stop. You don't ever feel like eating, you're always tired and restless at the same time, and you keep wishing it would just go away," she said, looking at him sympathetically.

Sesshoumaru looked at her for a long minute, wondering how she had been able to pinpoint his feelings so precisely. He turned his head after a few more seconds, looking at the ground for a while before speaking quietly.

"Yes, Rin, he said he still hates me. He will probably never stop hating me, either."

"Will you be alright, Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked worriedly, a tiny frown on her face.

"I..." Sesshoumaru stopped, thinking over that for a long while. He simply gazed back over at her slowly, locking his eyes with hers. He would not answer her question; he didn't need to. She already knew what he would say, and what he really felt.

"I can always stay with the villagers, Lord Sesshoumaru, if you want me to," Rin whispered quietly. "After all, I might not want to be around if a powerful demon attacks..."

"Not in your lifetime, Rin," Sesshoumaru shook his head softly. "Not ever in your years. I can wait for that."

Rin tilted her head sideways, looking at him for a long time. Then, suddenly, she threw herself at him, her small body collapsing onto his chest as she locked her fingers behind him and gave him an affectionate hug. Sesshoumaru was stunned into speechlessness for almost a full minute, but for some reason, the hug did not bother him. In fact, it was rather comforting, he realized, and he placed a hand on her small shoulders as a way of returning the gesture.

"I wish I could help you, Lord Sesshoumaru," she whispered into his ear.

"You already are, Rin," he whispered back, holding the small girl in his arms as she let go and looked up at him. He gave her a slight nod, and she curled up against his chest, leaning her head on him a bit tiredly.

"Maa maa, ko shounen, nakanaide kudasai..." she began softly, slowly lulling the distraught demon to sleep. He placed a hand on her head as he started to drift off; his small way of thanking her, she knew. She sighed and looked up at him after a few minutes, watching as he slept.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, everything you did to try and help him-it doesn't even matter anymore, does it? You tried so hard, and made it so far, but now...now what? You kept everything inside for so long-in the end, you were too late to save yourself..."

Jaken watched them for a few minutes, blinking mildly when Rin hugged Sesshoumaru, sighing heavily when the demon fell asleep and the girl whispered her melancholy words.

Somehow, he had the distinct feeling that he would outlive both of them, if only for a little while. After all, he really had gotten too attached to the ningen and youkai to consider living too long without them. Rin, of course, would die off with old age, or sickness maybe. Sesshoumaru...would follow soon after. With such heavy weight on his shoulders, there was no doubt that her death would break him. Inuyasha's continuing hatred almost had, and if not for Rin, it would be done already.

Jaken sighed and crossed his legs, wearily resting his chin in one hand. Death was making fools of all of them, laughing at thier eventual demise.

He wondered if demons truly were immortal, in the end...

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Well, I hope you liked it!

Please, please, please please PLEASE review this chapter, even if you never reviewed any other chapters! If you made it this far, I would really love to know what you thought of it. Even if you hated it to the ends of the earth, even if you want to murder me for doing it, please tell me what you thought. It would really mean the world to me! And thank you so so very much to everyone who reveiwed before! You're all such wonderful readers, and I truly hope that you enjoyed my story! Thank you so much, everyone! ;)


	31. Epilog Freude,, Somewhere I Belong, L P

A/N: Greetings everyone, and welcome to the happy ending of the story! Hope you enjoy reading it! ;)

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha characters or the songs that I use as titles and quotes, so don't sue me!

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Epilogue-Somewhere I Belong (Linkin Park)

**I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long...**

The day went by in a near-silence, but it was not an uncomfortable silence by any means. Rin was smiling happily as she saw the brothers walk next to each other. Jaken ceased his usual habit of muttering under his breath to observe the way Inuyasha's ears twitched every time Sesshoumaru glanced at him. Shippou quietly hopped off of Inuyasha's shoulder and perched himself on Miroku's shoulder instead, deeming it wise to be utterly silent around the dog-demon until he knew how Sesshoumaru would react to him. Kagome and Sango sighed and grinned almost dreamily at random intervals when they looked at the two dogs. Miroku saw many opportunities, as Sango walked right in front of him, and he finally reached out his hand. A resounding slap could be heard, and Sesshoumaru paused to look back wonderingly. Inuyasha was already used to it and so did not stop, while Jaken had seen it and only shook his head. Rin had no idea what was going on, but she didn't much care, and so thought nothing of it.

"YOU PERVERT!" Sango shrieked as Miroku rubbed his face and grinned sheepishly.

"What..." Sesshoumaru began, then stopped, blinked, and looked at Inuyasha. Inuyasha stopped and looked at him, then smiled slightly.

"Oh, he does that. Stupid monk never learns."

"What did he do, though?" Sesshoumaru asked, looking back and forth between the angry demonslayer and the happy monk.

"He groped her," Inuyasha shrugged. "He does it to everyone."

"Everyone?" Sesshoumaru asked uncomfortably, taking a step backwards without realizing it.

"I mean every girl," Inuyasha chuckled softly.

"Every _girl_?" Sesshoumaru glanced around again, then his eyes settled on Rin. He went over to her cautiously, then stood directly between her and Miroku as they walked.

"You're too paranoid, Sesshoumaru," Inuyasha smirked as he dropped back to walk next to his brother. "I mean, he gropes every girl of age. Not everyone, and not really every girl. Mostly Sango, actually-he tried to grope Kagome once or twice, but after he realized how she could get..."

"He better not try anything with Rin," Sesshoumaru growled softly, shooting a glare over at Miroku. Miroku sweatdropped and gave an innocent look, waving his hands as if to show that he would do nothing of the sort.

Shippou decided to hop over to Kagome's shoulder at that point.

"What's with the fox?" Sesshoumaru asked, noticing how the young demon changed from one person to the next.

"He's afraid of you," Inuyasha shrugged.

"Why?" Sesshoumaru asked, looking over at Shippou again. Shippou stiffened and hid himself behind Kagome's hair as well as he could, his tail poking out from the side and shaking slightly.

"He thinks you're gonna kill him."

"I won't," Sesshoumaru said shortly.

Shippou's tail stopped, twitched, and then puffed slightly. He slowly came out from behind Kagome, looking over at the older demon apprehensively.

"You won't?" he asked quietly, blinking.

"Why would I?" Sesshoumaru shrugged lightly. "Even if you weren't Inuyasha's companion, it would be pointless to kill someone that poses no threat."

"HEY! I'M NOT WEAK!" Shippou screamed angrily, forgetting himself. He launched his small body at Sesshoumaru, tackling the tall demon and latching his teeth into the fluffy fur that was on Sesshoumaru's shoulder. Sesshoumaru blinked at him and turned his head, completely unaffected.

Jaken squaked and tried to get the kitsune off, and just as he was about to use the two-headed staff, Sesshoumaru kicked him in the head.

"Baka, if you use that thing then it's going to burn my fur!" he growled.

Inuyasha found all of this quite amusing, and was trying desperately to hold back his laughter.

"Shippou, I've got treats for you!" Kagome said sweetly, pulling a box out of her backpack.

"Oh, cool! Treats! Did you get those ones that come in different colors?" he asked happily as he detached himself from Sesshoumaru's fur, totally forgetting about the 'insult' as he scrambled to grab the box of treats.

"Yup," Kagome grinned at him. "Hey, Inuyasha, you want some? I got the MilkBones," she said.

"MilkBones?" Inuyasha's ears stood at attention, perking with interest as he stopped and looked at her expectantly. "Really?"

"Yeah," Kagome smiled and pulled out the box of dog biscuits that Inuyasha seemed to enjoy a lot. "Here."

Inuyasha took the box happily, opening it and pulling out a bone-shaped dog biscuit and munching on it contentedly. Sesshoumaru stared at them strangely, but didn't ask. Inuyasha noticed the curious look and extended the box towards his brother.

"Here, try one," Inuyasha said happily. Sesshoumaru frowned uncertainly, then reached his hand in the box and pulled out a dog biscuit. He looked back and forth between his brother and the biscuit in his hand, then glanced around uncomfortably.

"What are you waiting for?" Inuaysha asked, looking over at Sesshoumaru. "It's not gonna kill you."

"I...don't eat in front of people very often," Sesshoumaru said quietly.

"Why not?" Inuyasha blinked.

"I...don't know," he admitted. "It's an old habit, I guess."

"Inuyasha used to be like that too," Shippou said, swallowing a bite of his own catfood treats that he liked. "I had to break his habit, though."

"How?" Sesshoumaru asked curiously.

"You're not gonna kill me, are you?" Shippou asked suspiciously.

"If I didn't kill you when you bit my fur, I won't kill you now," Sesshoumaru scoffed.

"Okay," Shippou grinned mischievously. "Here, toss that over," he said, indicating the biscuit. Sesshoumaru blinked and tossed the biscuit to Shippou, who caught it easily.

"Now count to thirty," Shippou said. Inuaysha looked over and stifled a grin.

"Alright...one, two, three, four, five, six..." Sesshoumaru began counting.

"Hold on a second..." Shippou hopped over to the demon's shoulder. Sesshoumaru glanced at him, but kept on counting, too curious to protest.

"...nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twe-"

Shippou smirked and swung his hand around, stuck the dog biscuit in Sesshoumaru's mouth while it was still open, and scurried off faster than he ever had before. Sesshoumaru stood there and blinked in surprise, and Inuyasha snorted as he tried to contain his laughter. Sesshoumaru looked over at him in slight confusion, then realized that he had a bone-shaped dog biscuit halfway in his mouth, and he also knew that he probably looked about as dumb as possible, standing there like a complete idiot in all his wonderment.

But, for some unfathomable reason, it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. He shrugged indifferently and reached his hand up to hold the end of the biscuit, biting it in half and crunching it between his teeth. He found that it was a bit strange at first, but he could easily get used to it. He ate the other half, and Inuyasha held the box towards him again. Sesshoumaru reached for another one, and Shippou smiled from atop Sango's shoulder.

"I'm good," he smirked to himself. "It worked for both of them in less than a minute."

"You just let him get away with making you look like a complete idiot," Inuyasha nudged his brother with his elbow. "You know that, right?"

"I didn't let him get away with it," Sesshoumaru said. "I just haven't figured out what to do about it yet."

Inuyasha held out the box again.

And so the rest of the day went by almost casually, with hardly a thought to Naraku or the jewel shards, or even much of any specific subject.

At the end of the day, Sesshoumaru watched quietly as the others settled down to camp, wondering if he should travel with them for a while or not. After all, he knew that they already had a kitsune to look after, and he knew that Jaken wouldn't be the best of company at all times, and-

"What're you thinking?" Inuyasha came over quietly, jolting Sesshoumaru out of his thoughts.

"I'm not sure," Sesshoumaru sighed.

"Okay, so what's bugging you then?" Inuyasha asked.

Sesshoumaru blinked and looked away, examining the sky for a few minutes before turning to look at his younger brother again. He tilted his head slightly sideways, unsure how to say what he was thinking.

"Trying to decide whether or not to stick around, huh?" Inuyasha smirked slightly at the surprised look on Sesshoumaru's face.

"How did you know?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"You kept looking at everybody a few minutes ago. I figured you might not know if you want to hang around or not. You looked kind of undecided. What's the matter, is Miroku too much of a pervert?" Inuyasha teased lightly.

"No. It's just that you already take care of that kitsune, and if Rin is around, that's another person to have to look out for. I'm not sure how everyone would tolerate Jaken. He has a habit of being uncannily annoying. You have to learn how to ignore him sometimes," Sesshoumaru explained shortly.

"Seems like they're getting along fine to me," Inuyasha looked over at the group as a tiny smile came to his face.

Sesshoumaru stopped and looked over as well, blinking at the unexpected sight.

Rin and Shippou were playing a game, laughing happily. Jaken was talking with Miroku, something or other about an ancient remedy for some sort of sickness. Kagome and Sango were trying to find sugar-free treats for the children, who were already getting close to hyperactive. Kirara mewed and looked up at Ah-Un, whisking both tails. Ah-Un blinked and sniffed her carefully, and they examined each other.

"You gonna stay?" Inuyasha asked after a long few minutes, his tone quiet and neutral.

Sesshoumaru looked at Inuyasha for a long time, staring into his younger brother's golden eyes as Inuyasha looked into his eyes as well. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke.

"You sure you want me hanging around, Inuyasha?" he asked carefully.

"Hey, I can babysit one more person," Inuyasha shrugged indifferently, a grin working it's way onto his face.

"Babysit? You're the pup here," Sesshoumaru said with the tiniest smirk.

"Oh, I'm a pup, am I?" Inuyasha grinned. "A pup would be still teething, and I'm sure I'm not quite that young."

"Are you positive?" Sesshoumaru asked coolly, his fluff moving slowly back and forth. Inuyasha noticed and watched the furry thing whisk in smooth rhythm, not bothering to pay attention to the demon who smirked a bit wider at him. The fur looked so much like a tail, though he knew it wasn't really a tail, but still...and it was moving ever so enticingly...

Inuyasha couldn't help himself. He pounced on the fur, sinking his teeth in and growling happily like a playful puppy. Sesshoumaru grinned even more and took a few steps backwards, but Inuyasha growled more loudly and latched himself on tight to the fur.

"Um, Shippou, what are they doing?" Rin stopped and blinked in confusion, watching the two.

"I have no idea," Shippou shook his head in wonder. "But it looks like they're playing."

"Playing what?" Rin asked, surprised.

"Puppy games," Shippou shrugged. "Tug of war, maybe. Chase. Fetch. I don't know. Just playing."

"I always knew he was still a puppy," Rin smirked happily, watching Sesshoumaru.

"Come on, Inuyasha, you can do better than that," Sesshoumaru teased, pulling the fur. Inuyasha growled and let go of the fur, then pounced on his brother's chest. Sesshoumaru was knocked over and looked up at his brother as Inuyasha sat there on his chest, looking rather triumphant.

"I win," Inuyasha grinned and looked down at his brother.

"So what now, are you going to keep me here all night?" Sesshoumaru grinned.

"Yup," Inuyasha smiled. "You're staying here for a while. A long while," he added.

"You really wouldn't mind?" Sesshoumaru asked seriously, looking at his brother.

"Course not," Inuyasha answered, hie ears twitching with hidden emotion. "I mean, you know, it's not like you're a bad fighter or nothing, and if I can look after everyone else, then Rin won't be any harder to handle, and...and well, you're my brother. I want you to be here," he finished.

"Inuyasha..." Sesshoumaru looked at him, feeling his heart stir. He reached one hand up impulsively, touching the tip of one furry ear. Inuyasha twitched and blinked at him, but remained silent. Sesshoumaru ventured to move his hand to the base of the ear, then started slowly scratching behind it, smiling happily as Inuyasha closed his eyes and sighed contentedly.

"You're treating me like a puppy," Inuyasha said, totally unperturbed.

"I always wanted to," Sesshoumaru answered. "I just never thought I'd have the chance."

"It's not so bad," Inuyasha grinned and flopped over to the side, removing himself from his brother's chest. Sesshoumaru continued to scratch the ear, propping himself up on one elbow and leaning on his side.

"Feels great," Inuyasha commented after a minute.

"I'm just scratching your ear, Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru said calmly.

"Not just that," Inuaysha mumbled. "I mean that it feels great to be somewhere I belong now..."

"Somewhere you belong?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"Like the whole rest of the world doesn't matter much anymore, because no matter how different we are, we have the same heartbeat..." Inuyasha mumbled sleepily as he yawned and struggled to stay awake.

Somehow, though that seemed to make little sense, Sesshoumaru understood what Inuyasha meant. And for a few seconds, he simply looked at his younger brother, watching the rise and fall of his chest.

"Me too, little brother," he whispered after a long few minutes. "I found somewhere I belong..."

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Well, I hope you liked it!

Please, please, please please PLEASE review this chapter, even if you never reviewed any other chapters! If you made it this far, I would really love to know what you thought of it. Even if you hated it to the ends of the earth, even if you want to murder me for doing it, please tell me what you thought. It would really mean the world to me! And thank you so so very much to everyone who reveiwed before! You're all such wonderful readers, and I truly hope that you enjoyed my story! Thank you so much, everyone! ;)


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